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Calvin
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
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#1136593 - 02/09/18 01:50 AM I heard you dancing  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 137
RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 137
Stratford, Australia
I heard you dancing
© 2018 Owen Hovenden

Link to Music

I heard you dancing
Your footfalls on the floor
Sounded so beautiful
I held my breath for more
And I wondered what you looked like
And I pictured your shadow on my wall
I heard you dancing
Dance for me once more


I heard you crying
In darkness and in pain
It sounded so pitiful
A heart prepared to break
And I wondered how I could help you
And soothe away your pain
I heard you crying
Pease don't cry again


I hear you dancing
Now the sirens have ceased
You found your answer
Found your release
But I wonder if I'd spoken
Would you have chosen differently?
I hear you dancing
In my sleep

#1136595 - 02/09/18 05:11 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Calvin Online content
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Owen,


Wow, this impressive.
It's so......

Sad
Beautiful
Gentle

Nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1136598 - 02/09/18 08:49 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,749
Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,749
Texas
Owen:

What a gem of a song. Calvin expressed my reaction to it quite well. The melody and lyric work well together and there must be at least two dozen artists capable of making this "chart" for you. Thank you for sharing and welcome to JPF. ----Dave

#1136602 - 02/09/18 09:12 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 38
kevinism Offline
Casual Observer
kevinism  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 38
Dublin, Ireland
Amen to Calvin's comments, this is really, really good. Mesmeric guitar melodies and beautiful descending cadences. Top class, well done.

#1136609 - 02/09/18 10:05 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 214
David Snyder Offline
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David Snyder  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 214
North Carolina

I really loved the simplicity of this. It is so "immediate" and personal, with a precious vulnerability to it.

Man, keep that poetry writing flowing, write like crazy, and keep pumping out as many songs like this as you can. One a day, or at least three a week. smile

Welcome to the forum.

Great entry! Keep going!


David Snyder, Composer, Author
Singer-Songwriter, Producer
Regional Chapter Coordinator, NSAI
www.davidsnydermusic.com
www.reverbnation.com/davidpsnyder
#1136612 - 02/09/18 11:13 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,980
floyd jane Offline
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floyd jane  Offline
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Tampa
Owen,

I, too, will use Calvin's words. He said it well...

Originally Posted by Calvin

Sad
Beautiful
Gentle

Nicely done.


fj

#1136613 - 02/09/18 01:32 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,365
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Posts: 4,365
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Lovely heartfelt song...slow but lengthy....cut the intro by half..... the breaks are lengthy additions...in a final production one could add another instrument (violin/ slow fiddle) for ear candy.

Looking forward to see where this goes...it has potential

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 02/09/18 01:33 PM.
#1136632 - 02/09/18 05:09 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 137
RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Stratford, Australia
Thank you all! Much appreciated. Yes sad, beautiful, gentle is exactly what I was hoping for.
@Neil Cotton: I think you are right about cutting the intro in half, and I am going to talk to a flautist I know for the ear candy!

#1136685 - 02/10/18 12:03 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,570
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Baltimore, MD
Nice intro and expressive vocals.
Beautiful & touching write and performance

Flute or cello would make for some great ear candy

Welcome


"Dig my imaginary...... Baaand Maaan"
#1136693 - 02/10/18 12:43 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Owen,


I liked it so well I tried recording it, it's certainly not as good as yours but it sure is a cool song.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1136732 - 02/10/18 05:27 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
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RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Stratford, Australia
@ Nelson: thank you! Yes, cello would likely work as well. I'll try the flute first though, because I at least know someone who plays that!

@Calvin: I take that as a real compliment. But I couldnt see your recording. Is it still there?

#1136735 - 02/10/18 05:47 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,567
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Owen,


Oh, I didn't post it, I've just been ATTEMPING to record it, but IF I finish it, I'll sure let you hear it, hopefully you won't cringe toooo much :-)


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1136746 - 02/10/18 09:48 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,015
Scott Campbell Offline
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,015
Lakeland, FL, USA
That's a beaut, Owen. Love the acoustic picking and the way you use it to make those nice little hooks between vocal lines. Creates the perfect atmosphere.

Scott

#1136764 - 02/11/18 05:03 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I'll jump on the band wagon too! Excellent song and all that's been said also!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1136810 - 02/11/18 02:05 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,731
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
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Wisconsin
Owen, what a heartbreaker...painfully beautiful...but in a good way. smile

Since your structure is 3 verses with no chorus or bridge, I think the guitar intro and breaks are perfect. It gives just enough time for the listener to recover and yet never allows them to get bored. Adding another instrument in V2 & part of V3, then going back to the lone guitar for the ending, would be cool.

Glad to hear you posting again and hope you stick around.

Ricki

#1136824 - 02/11/18 04:46 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
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RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Stratford, Australia
@Scott, Travis and Ricki, thank you all for the feedback. Much appreciated.

#1136826 - 02/11/18 04:56 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,742
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Great concept.
You already had some good advice.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1136833 - 02/11/18 07:43 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
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Alanjack  Offline
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I like the feel of this Owen a nice write.


Just a writer of words
#1136836 - 02/11/18 08:12 PM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 137
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
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Stratford, Australia
Thank you Vic and Alan!

#1136848 - 02/12/18 12:11 AM Re: I heard you dancing [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 710
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 710
RainDayGuy (Owen),

Really wonderful guitar work here, and such a well conceived, well written song. There’s a lot of constructive advice above—got nothing more to add of merit. Just wanted to stop in and say how much I enjoyed it. Good luck with this one—though I'm not sure it needs it; it's that good.

Best regards,

Deej


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