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#1136139 - 02/02/18 06:57 PM Dancing Horses [lyric]  
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lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
this was so rough, re-working the song and a possible lyric change...thanks to you all for coming by and commenting, and your thoughts..Lane

Last edited by lane1777; 02/12/18 10:57 PM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1136154 - 02/03/18 01:35 AM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Sebring, Florida USA
Hey Man I loved this just the way it is.....Very good Song. The drum beat was infectious and mesmerizing....

#1136325 - 02/05/18 01:08 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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south of the mason,dixon line
thanks Barry, its so damn rough, but I liked the idea...didn`t have anything close to this so I thought i`d try.
i`ll get over and comment on your last post. Have a good day. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1136339 - 02/05/18 03:08 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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I don't think rough is a bad thing. When a million people are writing songs if we don't do something different and outside the box we have NOOOOO Chance to stand out. I wrote this song with just a drum and bass called Bee Bop To Hip Hop....Being on of the pack is a dead end......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-EWTlIbTrU

#1136352 - 02/05/18 05:53 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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I like what you are trying to do...i think it would benefit from more rhymes...dig deeper to keep the meaning but with rhyme.


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1136389 - 02/05/18 10:23 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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south of the mason,dixon line
I`m working on this Neil, getting a few ideas and then I`ll re-write.. thanks so much for commenting. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1136397 - 02/05/18 11:46 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Originally Posted by lane1777
I`m working on this Neil, getting a few ideas and then I`ll re-write.. thanks so much for commenting. Lane

glad to help if I can.


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1136465 - 02/07/18 01:53 AM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Lane,

Like Barry, I love the drum beat on this one--it could carry this song emotionally on its own. Yeah, the lyrics can use some tweaking, but you are on the right track. Will look forward to hearing this as it develops.

All the best, kind sir,

Deej

#1136515 - 02/07/18 06:15 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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south of the mason,dixon line
hi Deej

I wrote a couple of free-verse lines, and I got to looking a little deeper, the photos I came up with
enticed me to write a little more, and find something a little primitive, tribal for the photos. a drum.
I`m working on this D I kinda like it. Its a little diff for me. thanks so much D for coming by and commenting and listening..


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1136520 - 02/07/18 09:26 PM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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This is a fine start to something.
Love the basics.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
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#1136554 - 02/08/18 09:45 AM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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Cecilee Offline
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Hey! Cool to hear something a little different here on the boards. I LOVE the beat! It's very hypnotic and I actually like the lyrics as they are. I do think that the timing could be a little different on some of the lines. It seemed like you rushed a little through the first time you sang "isn't that men being men." And it would be cool to hear maybe a synth or some other instrument behind you just to break it up a little and not make it too monotonous.

But other than that, I think you have a good start and I look forward to hearing this develop! Thanks for sharing! smile


English/French piano/electronic singer/songwriter from Virginia. Influences include Charlotte Martin, Kate Bush, Pet Shop Boys, and Mylène Farmer.

http://cecilee.bandcamp.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/cecileeprojects

New album Rendezvous on Bandcamp!
#1136558 - 02/08/18 11:02 AM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: lane1777]  
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
Hi Vic,
thanks for stopping in and commenting, I`fixing this up, and I`ll
get it back as soon as I make progress on it. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1136559 - 02/08/18 11:13 AM Re: Dancing Horses [lyric] [Re: Cecilee]  
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lane1777 Offline
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Originally Posted by Cecilee
Hey! Cool to hear something a little different here on the boards. I LOVE the beat! It's very hypnotic and I actually like the lyrics as they are. I do think that the timing could be a little different on some of the lines. It seemed like you rushed a little through the first time you sang "isn't that men being men." And it would be cool to hear maybe a synth or some other instrument behind you just to break it up a little and not make it too monotonous.

But other than that, I think you have a good start and I look forward to hearing this develop! Thanks for sharing! smile


Hi Cecilee

your so right, I`m not much of a singer, and I didn`t want to put a lot of effort in this just showing the lyric. I have
a friend that says the same thing about the writing. I don`t sing this loud enough, and I miss some of the words..
a word or two I need to drop too. hopefully it comes together..thanks so much Cecilee for commenting and listening..
Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"

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