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#1136405 - 02/06/18 07:07 AM Working from Memory  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
kevinism Online content
Casual Observer
kevinism  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
Dublin, Ireland
Working from Memory

Just recently finished this one and would love some feedback ...

https://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/29034846-working-from-memory

Working from Memory

On the day we met
(It was cold and wet)
But you were dressed to kill
I wore my overcoat with leather on the sleeves
I think I have it still
It was kind-of a lucky charm
I'm sure I have it still

Chorus

Who knows?
I may have some details wrong
I'm working from memory

Just a trace of a smile
(Did I see you smile?)
It gave me such a thrill
When you said my name and asked me
I can hear you still
"Will you buy me a drink?
And maybe later you can walk me home"

Chorus

Let me hold your hand
Help you through this pain
I am by your side forever
We can go there again

It was long ago
(It was long ago)
You were beautiful then
You are beautiful now as you lie there
In this bed
I have loved you forever
And I love you still

Chorus

#1136406 - 02/06/18 08:23 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,265
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,265
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
interesting reflection on a love.

You are beautiful now as you lie there (or here)
In this bed


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1136410 - 02/06/18 09:00 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,431
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,431
Texas
Hi Kevin:

First things first: Welcome to JPF. I hope you've found a home at "Brian's Place." In looking at your photo on your "Reverb-page" has anyone ever commented on your resemblance to "Sting?"
Not that it matters, our new friend... but there is a faint look there. They "paid me off," too! Not because I knew any secrets... my songs were scaring the old ladies and children... LOL!

Enjoyed listening to your first song-post here. You definitely sound a bit Irish... and that is a good thing. Well written, well produced and easy on the ears. Thanks for sharing and I'll be looking out for more of your work. ----Dave

#1136415 - 02/06/18 09:58 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,363
Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Kevin,


Nice job.
Thank for sharing what you do.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1136439 - 02/06/18 02:22 PM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,444
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
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Wisconsin
Kevin, I really like the concept of this song, getting older and having the same soulmate for so long, like when, sometimes, the stories we tell each other give us pause as to who said what or even who did what...was that you or me that happened to? At least that's been my own experience. smile What I'm not sure about is the end. That final verse followed by the chorus doesn't fit together like the other ones. The last verse almost feels like a bridge, because it tells us where this relationship and all these memories have led them. Maybe that last verse could be something more similar to the other verses, some other memory that he may or may not have gotten right? Anyway, if this is a first draft, it's really good in concept, just needs a little more thought to the ending. Just my opinion, of course.

Ricki

#1136443 - 02/06/18 03:04 PM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 141
Rob B. Online content
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Rob B.  Online Content
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 141
Germany
Hey Kevin,
your voice reminds me David Bowie. Awesome. And the song also has a Bowie feel to it. I like it.

All the best
Robert

#1136463 - 02/07/18 12:46 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 463
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 463
Kevin,

This has an 80ís type vibe to it, that really invokes some memories for those of us who grew up then. It starts off reminding me of Mike and the Mechanics (or along that type), but then that Bowie feel kicks in. Really cool tune.

Regards,

Deej

#1136482 - 02/07/18 09:02 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,752
floyd jane Offline
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floyd jane  Offline
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Posts: 1,752
Tampa
Kevin,

A very nice sound to this. And a nice write. Enjoyed the listen. Your vocals are engaging.

fj

#1136596 - 02/09/18 06:07 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
kevinism Online content
Casual Observer
kevinism  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
Dublin, Ireland
Many thanks for the feedback and comments, much appreciated.



Originally Posted by Ricki E. Bellos
Kevin, I really like the concept of this song, getting older and having the same soulmate for so long, like when, sometimes, the stories we tell each other give us pause as to who said what or even who did what...was that you or me that happened to? At least that's been my own experience. smile What I'm not sure about is the end. That final verse followed by the chorus doesn't fit together like the other ones. The last verse almost feels like a bridge, because it tells us where this relationship and all these memories have led them. Maybe that last verse could be something more similar to the other verses, some other memory that he may or may not have gotten right? Anyway, if this is a first draft, it's really good in concept, just needs a little more thought to the ending. Just my opinion, of course.

Ricki


Rick, thanks for the comments. What I am trying to express in this song is a story about someone who's aging partner is now very ill ( possibly dying). He is at her bedside, remembering how they met and fell in love. He knows he is probably looking back through rose-tinted glasses ( he may have some details wrong) but nevertheless is expressing his eternal love for her.

Last edited by kevinism; 02/09/18 06:08 AM.
#1136608 - 02/09/18 09:00 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 190
David Snyder Offline
Serious Contributor
David Snyder  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 190
North Carolina

Well Kevinism,

I am going to start off by saying this is a great song construction-wise, right off the bat, with an incredibly powerful hook and title. It is totally and completely Peter Gabriel is what it is. And I say that with the highest compliment. I can't think of too much I would change in the bed.

As for the vocals, they are totally fine the way they are, but the song is so good you may want to experiment with different approaches and takes on the vocals and just have fun with it and see what happens. There MAY be a different vocal take that would give more goosebumps, don't know for sure, but I suspect there is. The song is worth it. If I were doing this song, I would listen to Peter Gabriel for like four hours and then try and tap into that crazy place of passion he goes to in his vocals, throwing all caution to the wind. That is, I would urge you to experiment with alternate vocal takes because the set up for this song is crazy good.

Also, if you really want to push this over the edge, add a little inverse plate reverb to those drums and you will be off to the races man.

smile

I love this. Just a few productions ideas. Keep up the great work.


David Snyder, Composer, Author
Singer-Songwriter, Producer
Regional Chapter Coordinator, NSAI
www.davidsnydermusic.com
www.reverbnation.com/davidpsnyder
#1136687 - 02/10/18 11:11 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,496
Nelson Offline
Top 200 Poster
Nelson  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,496
Baltimore, MD
The over all production has a great feel to it.
Especially liked your vocal performance.

I may have some details wrong
I'm working from memory...... Very Cool tag


"A Simple Man...... making simple music" ~Nelson
#1136717 - 02/10/18 02:26 PM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,105
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,105
Louisiana
Really cool one,Kevin.The story keeps me wanting to hear what's next and of course the bits and pieces of the thin white duke are traceable [i hope you don't get tired of hearing that,it's a good thing]. Mike

#1136870 - 02/12/18 04:17 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: David Snyder]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
kevinism Online content
Casual Observer
kevinism  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 21
Dublin, Ireland
Originally Posted by David Snyder

Well Kevinism,

I am going to start off by saying this is a great song construction-wise, right off the bat, with an incredibly powerful hook and title. It is totally and completely Peter Gabriel is what it is. And I say that with the highest compliment. I can't think of too much I would change in the bed.

As for the vocals, they are totally fine the way they are, but the song is so good you may want to experiment with different approaches and takes on the vocals and just have fun with it and see what happens. There MAY be a different vocal take that would give more goosebumps, don't know for sure, but I suspect there is. The song is worth it. If I were doing this song, I would listen to Peter Gabriel for like four hours and then try and tap into that crazy place of passion he goes to in his vocals, throwing all caution to the wind. That is, I would urge you to experiment with alternate vocal takes because the set up for this song is crazy good.

Also, if you really want to push this over the edge, add a little inverse plate reverb to those drums and you will be off to the races man.

smile

I love this. Just a few productions ideas. Keep up the great work.


David, some good ideas there ... I am a big Peter Gabriel fan so will take that as a big thumbs sup! I will play around with the vocals and the drums, thanks Kevin

#1136883 - 02/12/18 07:40 AM Re: Working from Memory [Re: kevinism]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,563
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,563
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Kevin
Really liked the lyric on this some great lines.
A good performance all round
Cheers
Travia


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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