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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
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this was so rough, re-working the song and a possible lyric change...thanks to you all for coming by and commenting, and your thoughts..Lane
Last edited by lane1777; 02/12/18 10:57 PM.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hey Man I loved this just the way it is.....Very good Song. The drum beat was infectious and mesmerizing....
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thanks Barry, its so damn rough, but I liked the idea...didn`t have anything close to this so I thought i`d try. i`ll get over and comment on your last post. Have a good day. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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I don't think rough is a bad thing. When a million people are writing songs if we don't do something different and outside the box we have NOOOOO Chance to stand out. I wrote this song with just a drum and bass called Bee Bop To Hip Hop....Being on of the pack is a dead end......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-EWTlIbTrU
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Joined: Jun 2005
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I like what you are trying to do...i think it would benefit from more rhymes...dig deeper to keep the meaning but with rhyme.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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I`m working on this Neil, getting a few ideas and then I`ll re-write.. thanks so much for commenting. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Jun 2005
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I`m working on this Neil, getting a few ideas and then I`ll re-write.. thanks so much for commenting. Lane glad to help if I can.
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Lane,
Like Barry, I love the drum beat on this one--it could carry this song emotionally on its own. Yeah, the lyrics can use some tweaking, but you are on the right track. Will look forward to hearing this as it develops.
All the best, kind sir,
Deej
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hi Deej
I wrote a couple of free-verse lines, and I got to looking a little deeper, the photos I came up with enticed me to write a little more, and find something a little primitive, tribal for the photos. a drum. I`m working on this D I kinda like it. Its a little diff for me. thanks so much D for coming by and commenting and listening..
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Nov 2010
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This is a fine start to something. Love the basics.
Vic
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Hey! Cool to hear something a little different here on the boards. I LOVE the beat! It's very hypnotic and I actually like the lyrics as they are. I do think that the timing could be a little different on some of the lines. It seemed like you rushed a little through the first time you sang "isn't that men being men." And it would be cool to hear maybe a synth or some other instrument behind you just to break it up a little and not make it too monotonous. But other than that, I think you have a good start and I look forward to hearing this develop! Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Vic, thanks for stopping in and commenting, I`fixing this up, and I`ll get it back as soon as I make progress on it. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
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Hey! Cool to hear something a little different here on the boards. I LOVE the beat! It's very hypnotic and I actually like the lyrics as they are. I do think that the timing could be a little different on some of the lines. It seemed like you rushed a little through the first time you sang "isn't that men being men." And it would be cool to hear maybe a synth or some other instrument behind you just to break it up a little and not make it too monotonous. But other than that, I think you have a good start and I look forward to hearing this develop! Thanks for sharing! Hi Cecilee your so right, I`m not much of a singer, and I didn`t want to put a lot of effort in this just showing the lyric. I have a friend that says the same thing about the writing. I don`t sing this loud enough, and I miss some of the words.. a word or two I need to drop too. hopefully it comes together..thanks so much Cecilee for commenting and listening.. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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