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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
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OP
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Hello everyone. I have had next to no time for writing lately. Between the day job and every spare moment being taken up by my cover band, it hasn't been in the cards. This is the first thing I have been able to find the time for in a long while. All feedback is greatly appreciated. A TWISTED LOVE STORYMusic & Lyrics by David S. Becker (c) 2018 David S. Becker Music All Rights Reserved https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/a-twisted-love-story INTRO VERSE 1On the table there is champagne on ice On the jukebox Marvin's crooning There's a fire burning warm and nice But I feel the evil looming PRE-CHORUSI tell you that I love you (Then you smash the brand new car) I tell you that I need you (Then you meet him at the bar) I tell you that you're everything And that I'd never screw you CHORUSWill you hold me tonight My sweet one (And nibble just a bit on my ears) Or will you take a bat to my head As I sleep some (You sick scum) You smell so lovely tonight My only one (You're everything I've always feared) Stick the knife in deeper Or better yet use a gun (Have some fun) VERSE 2Your makeup glitters flawlessly Your radiance abounds You promenade so effortlessly While your wickedness astounds PRE-CHORUS CHORUS SOLO CHORUS
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Hi David B:
Enjoyed the blues vibe of this one. Your band and backup singers are carrying this off quite nicely for you. Is it a "live" recording? Enjoyed. ---The Other Dave
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1 |
Hello Dave, Good to see you back in here with a cool tune, GOOD JOB ! Cool guitar & lyrics, loved it all. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Dave,
Wow, a lot of good stuff going on with this production. I really like this one in all aspects. If I had one sug/idea, perhaps experiment with after the abrupt PC ending, (keep that full music stop) yet maybe throw in a exclamatory guitar note that connects or bridges the chorus a bit--not sure but might be worth a try for experimentation--I just was kind of anticipating it for some reason.
Well done Dave--loved this!
steady-eddie
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
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@ Dave - Thx for the Listen Dave. No - this isn't a live band recording. This is just me in my home studio with a tired voice, a guitar, a bass and some poorly programmed drums. I just mentioned my cover band, as taking up all my spare time and not leaving much time for writing. This is my first in quite some time.
@Calvin ... Thx for the listen Calvin. Loved your new one.
@Eddie ... Thx as well for giving this a listen. Giving some thought to your suggestion for sure. Always a good matchup btw when the lions and buckeyes meet!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
On the table there is champagne on ice On the jukebox Marvin's crooning
Nice lines Dave. For me, you could turn the electric guitar strum a tad as it may be a little heavy for the song. That's probably just my own preference though. Good stuff.
Vic
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Gocart,
Gravitating sound—pulls you right in from the start and you want to hear more. Musically, I like this from start to finish; the backup singers make this special. I’m not sure I buy in lyrically to all the lines, though in fairness it’s billed as a “twisted’ love story. “Evil looming,” “never screw you,” “bat to my head”—I appreciate the intent, and perhaps it’s the added emphasis vocally on some of these phrases—but to me there’s an incongruent feel between these lines, the rest of the lyrics, and the music the accompanies them.
Just my humble opinion and reaction as I listen, so please take whatever value it may have, and ignore any it doesn’t. This is really well produced—far beyond anything I could hope to do—just a wonderful sound. There’s clearly a lot of talent behind this, and I wish you the best of luck with it.
Kindest regards,
Deej
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
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There's that smooth Gocart sound. Man you really crushed the chorus. (musically and vocally)
"You smell so lovely tonight" perfect harmony
You sound like someone who plays live
Great job Buddy
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1 |
LOL - knew I'd love this from that opening screech! This kinda reminds me (in theme only) of that song by the Pogues about a fairytale in New York! Made me laugh out loud several times - hope that is not inappropriate! Nice one, Dave Scott
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18 |
Hi David, This is great. I love those things said followed by things thought (in parenthesis) which are closer to the truth. This has a John Hiatt in Memphis feel to me, and so I could anchor myself immediately in your sound, and it's very well executed musically, and I love the sophisticated dark humor throughout. Loved it. Mike
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
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Great intro Dave and a good lyric as well. The vocal was strong but that guitar really did it for me Best of luck with it Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
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Dave, you are so consistant in the quality of your productions, the vocals and musicianship, always a pleasure to listen to. Lyrically though, this one is a miss for me. I get the "twisted" in the title but for me, it would have been more interesting had some of those twisted things, "take a bat to my head", "You sick scum", "Stick the knife in deeper or better yet use a gun", been of a metaphorical nature. Mind games in a relationship are so much more diabolical and twisted to me. On the other hand, if you meant for this to be comedic, maybe I'm just overthinking it? Ricki
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
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Posts: 1,521 |
"On the table there is champagne on ice On the jukebox Marvin's crooning"
Man, is this ever a great set up for the contrary lyrics that follow. Very effective.
Mike mentioned John Hiatt. We get that. And agree.
Your vocal and guitar performances are all really hittin' the note.
We enjoyed it a lot...and will again.
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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