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#1135272 - 01/19/18 11:57 PM What's In the Air  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Looking to get some feedback on the structure of this lyric. I have it as a kind of ABAB but could change it up. Nothing set in stone here. Iíve got a backwards kind of questioning going on. Is that confusing?


WHATíS IN THE AIR
©2018 Kristi McKeever

Is it when you run out in the cold
Can you feel it when youíre ninety years old
What is strength

Is it when leaves start to blow away
Does it find you on a sunny day
What is luck

Oh, I hope to see what isnít there
Like the breeze that flips your locks of hair
Questions come and go all night
As my heart lifts and tries to fly
With whatís in the air
Whatís in the air

Is it heavy like a block of gold
Does it go deeper than a black hole
What is love

Is it blind to our mistakes
Does it sit next to the front gate
What is trust

What is strength
What is luck
Oh, love will know
Love will trust
Whatís in the air
Whatís in the air


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1135287 - 01/20/18 08:43 AM Re: What's In the Air [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,726
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Kristi.
Perhaps too many questions and one or two answers?
A short bridge after the block of gold verse ?
It's good and well thought through just something missing
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135460 - 01/23/18 06:47 PM Re: What's In the Air [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
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USA
Hi Travis,

Yeah...it's a first draft I pulled out of somewhere...lol. Too impersonal too maybe. I'll have a think about it. Thank you for reading and your straightforward thoughts! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1157983 - 10/20/19 07:43 PM Re: What's In the Air [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,902
MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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Posts: 3,902
ohio
Oh, I like your lyrical essay on strength, luck and Love... the way you approach and encapsulate it with lovely thoughts and words.

#1158608 - 11/14/19 04:22 AM Re: What's In the Air [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,859
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,859
NJ
Hi again Kristi,
I like the basic idea of the songs but I am not getting most of the allusions. For me it would be better with direct connects are something closer to luck and love and trust. Maybe only me but an idea.
4 leaf clover, horseshoe over the door, elephant with trunk up
heart beating faster, stars in your eyes, always think of you
no hands on the wheel, giving you my heart, falling for you


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck

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