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#1135130 - 01/17/18 09:27 AM ISLE OF EVERFREE  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,593
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
____THE ISLE OF EVERFREE. ( THE LATEST WRITE)

We'd set a course following the sun
Started to snow when our journey begun
Donated our clothes and things we won't use
Sailed free from bad news and attitudes

V
We'd food and water to last many days
guitar n' mandolin to pass time away
Renamed our boat the Lovely Abigail
she dipped raised and smiled as she sailed

C
Bound for an Island called Everfree
it's not on any chart, never will be
It's a secret Isle that nobody knows
magic Isle of Everfree with sands of silver and gold
V
Hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day.
Abie gave me a card that she'd made
Soft salty kisses as we danced on waves.
I'll remember that moment always
B
A thunder storm blew up in the night
the sea was angry but come daylight
The sun appeared the ocean grew calm
as our Island came into sight, on that Christmas morn

V
Palm trees,fresh water, if we want fIsh for tea
theres enough for our needs out in the sea
We could build a home high in the trees
like the Swiss Family Robinson on Everfree


C

And it's Christmas Day and we're forever free_________
___________________________________

THE ISLE OF EVERFREE ( REWRITE)
V
Started to snow when our journey begun
we'd set a course following the sun
Donated our city clothes and shoes
gave a high five, raised a glass or two

V
We'd food and water to last many days
guiitar n' mandolin would pass time away
Boat was built to temper most gales
dipped and raised as she sailed

C
Bound for an Island called Everfree
it's not on any chart, never will be
It's a secret Isle that nobody knows
magic Isle of Everfree with sands of silver and gold
V
Hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day.
She gave me a card that she'd made
A soft salty kiss as we danced on a wave.
I'll remember that moment always
B
Storm blew up last night now it's so calm
secured the boat just before dawn
Threw our arms around each other took in the sights
where we'd sleep under the stars that night
V
There's palm trees,fresh water and fIsh for our tea
on our uncharted island called Everfree
..where lifes determined at our own pace
no traffic jams, crowded streets no rat race
C

And it's Christmas Day and we're forever free

------------'-----------------------
ThE ISLE OF EVERFREE ( REWRITE)
V
We set sail on a cold December morn
determined to weather any storm
We'd food and water to last for days
guitar, 'n' mandolin, penny whistle to play
V
Set a course following the sun
stated to snow when our journey begun
Cast off sober suits and sensible shoes
for songs under the stars, wine that she brewed
C
Bound for an Island called Everfree
it's not on a charts and never will be
It's a secret Isle that nobody knows
magic Isle of Everfree with it's sands of gold
V
We hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day
sang seasonal carols most of the way
She gave me a Christmas card she made
returned soft salty kisses as we danced on a wave

V

Secured the boat we sailed in at dawn
blew a gale last night but now it's so calm
There's palm trees,fresh water fish for tea
on our uncharted island we'll call Everfree
C

And it's Christmas Day and we're forever free

-----''--'--------'--------------'--------------

We set sail on a cold December morn
enough determination to weather any storm
We'd food and water to last us many days
guitar, a mandolin, an old penny whistle to play

We set a course following the sun
stated to snow when our journey begun
Relieved to cast off sober suits and shoes
sang songs under the stars, drank the wine she brewed

Bound for an Island called Everfree
it's not on any charts and never will be
It's a secret Isle that nobody knows
The magic Isle of Everfree with it's sands of gold

We hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day
sang seasonal carols most of the way
She gave me a Christmas card that she made
gave her soft salty kisses as we danced on a wave

Secured the boat we sailed in at dawn
blew a gale last night but now it's so calm
There's palm trees,fresh water fish for tea
on our uncharted secret island we'll call Everfree

And it's Christmas Day and we're forever free

Last edited by Travis david; 01/29/18 10:38 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135132 - 01/17/18 09:31 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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RonnieDean Offline
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I like that. Can I come too?

#1135138 - 01/17/18 11:19 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,593
Travis david Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Ronnie sorry no tourists lol
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135139 - 01/17/18 11:30 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Hearing Jimmy Buffett music.

I changed a bit...k or s

We set sail on a December morn
Determined to weather any storm
Enough food and water to last many days
guitar, 'n' mandolin, penny whistle to play

Leaving the snow that had just begun
We set our course following the sun
Glad to cast off down coats and snow boots
sang under the stars, drank the wine she brewed

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

We hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day
sang seasonal carols most of the way
She gave me a Christmas card that she made
gave her salt spray kisses as we danced on a wave

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

~B
Blew a gale last night but now it's all calm
Secured the boat in the red sky of dawn
There's palm trees, fish, fresh water for tea
on our uncluttered island we've named Everfree

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

It's Christmas Day and we're forever free

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 01/17/18 08:27 PM.
#1135162 - 01/18/18 05:37 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Neil appreciate your take I'll consider it later for a rewrite

Last edited by Travis david; 01/18/18 06:40 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135164 - 01/18/18 08:32 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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9ne Offline
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Yes! (made me daydream for a bit!)
A couple of picky bits:
Didn't like V2 2nd line because I didn't think you needed to mention snow and also it feels like the word should be "began"
Extra picky: to my knowledge wine isn't "brewed" smile (I'll be quick to apologize if in error)
I don't think Christmas is a good choice-it makes me think of a carol and this isn't going there.
"fresh water fish for tea" threw me for a second. (Earl Grey) I know some Brits can be eccentric, but that's a bit much! Then I remembered "tea" as supper from years of watching Corrie. What's for afters?
All in all a pleasant one Travis, best of luck!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1135170 - 01/18/18 11:36 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,593
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Maybe it's an English thing Mike we say brewed but I have changed it to beer. Cheers.
The snow set the picture leaving on a winters day heading for the sun.
Thanks for comments
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135171 - 01/18/18 11:37 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Offline
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Another rewrite change or two
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135172 - 01/18/18 11:45 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,593
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Originally Posted by Neil Cotton
Hearing Jimmy Buffett music.

I changed a bit...k or s

We set sail on a December morn
Determined to weather any storm
Enough food and water to last many days
guitar, 'n' mandolin, penny whistle to play

Leaving the snow that had just begun
We set our course following the sun
Glad to cast off down coats and snow boots
sang under the stars, drank the wine she brewed

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

We hoped to drop anchor by Christmas Day
sang seasonal carols most of the way
She gave me a Christmas card that she made
gave her salt spray kisses as we danced on a wave

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

~B
Blew a gale last night but now it's all calm
Secured the boat in the red sky of dawn
There's palm trees, fresh water, fish for tea
on our uncluttered island we've named Everfree

Bound for Island Everfree
Not on any charts and never will be
A secret oasis lost at sea
The magic Island Everfree

It's Christmas Day and we're forever free


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135174 - 01/18/18 12:02 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,593
Travis david Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I've heard of Buffet but never listened to his songs Neil
I've added a bridge and altered the last verse too
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135271 - 01/19/18 11:52 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Hi Travis,

This is a great one to read right now, late at night...a good story and some adventure! I enjoyed it. One thing, this line: "on our uncharted island we'll call Everfree". Everfree is already established so "we'll call Everfree" sounds like they're just naming it now. Also, there's 3 lines dedicated to Christmas in the third verse...maybe the Christmas card line could involve the waves or something to enhance the dancing they do? Just a thought. Good stuff!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1135293 - 01/20/18 10:24 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Good points Kristi both addressed
Thanks for your suggestions
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135294 - 01/20/18 11:15 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Originally Posted by Travis david
I've heard of Buffet but never listened to his songs Neil
I've added a bridge and altered the last verse too
Travis

wow, haven't heard his songs?
surely Margarittaville.

I'm recording a full album of his style in the next few months.

#1135296 - 01/20/18 11:36 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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i prefer your original to the newest

#1135297 - 01/20/18 12:17 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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You can't please everyone lol
I don't think its going to go anywhere from here. I enjoyed writing it though.
I'll have a listen to Buffet. Used to get the odd single in my shop on Imports. Don't think he ever hit our charts though


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135311 - 01/20/18 04:01 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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I


I'm a keen a amateur- this is the master


I"m sailing down the summer wind
I got whiskers on my chin
And I like the mood I'm in
As I while away the time of day
In the lee of Christian Island
Tall and strong she dips and reels
I call her Silver Heels
And she tells me how she feels
She's a good old boat and she'll stay afloat
Through the toughest gales and keep smilin'
But for one more day she would like to stay
In the lee of Christian Island
I'm sailing down the summer day
Where the fish and seagulls play
I put my troubles all away
And when the gales comes up I'll fill my cup
With the whiskey of the Highlands
She's a good old ship and she'll make the trip
From the lee of Christian Island
Tall and strong she slips along
I sing for her a song
And she leans into the wind
She's a good old boat and she'll stay afloat
Through the toughest gales and keep smilin'
When the summer ends we will rest again
In the lee of Christian Island

Songwriters: Gordon Lightfoot

Last edited by Travis david; 01/20/18 04:04 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135332 - 01/20/18 11:27 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis,

I'm not sure where to chime in here . . . can't quite distinguish which is the revision and which the original. That said, I like most the first two verses in the version furthest down (does that make sense?), though there are aspects of the other versions that are intriguing. I wouldn't give up on this one just yet--put it aside, if anything, and revisit a bit down the line. I think this one has some potential.

All the best,

Deej

#1135342 - 01/21/18 05:19 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Deej
The more recent writes are generally put over the top of the older take. So it's the first one you read
Don't know if this will go further but I appreciate your comments
Tranis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135538 - 01/25/18 09:02 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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This is the latest rewrite


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135543 - 01/25/18 10:57 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Hi Travis.
Nothing wrong with dreaming, eh?
Just a thought but I looked up the meaning of the name Abigail and the results were "a beautiful woman" or "a servant".
Not sure if you knew that but thought it could be mentioned in the song.

We renamed our boat the Abigail
A beautiful servant in full sail
We'd food and water to last many days
guitar n' mandolin to pass time away

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1135549 - 01/25/18 11:26 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Villa Park IL
When I first saw the title I felt it could fit in with the upcoming St. Patrick's Day contest, that it was something with a possible Celtic flavor. Then you referenced Jimmy Buffet and notice three or four rewrites of the same piece. Good song nonetheless. Perhaps the thought for the day I posted in an earlier response could apply here as well: Delight in the senses eat something delicious, inhale intoxicating fragrances, take a moment to appreciate the beauty around you.

#1135574 - 01/25/18 04:58 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis david Offline
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Thanks Brian I appreciate your observations and comments
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135575 - 01/25/18 05:01 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Vic
Thanks for researching and take its not finished yet soi will return to your ideas
Travjohn


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135598 - 01/26/18 06:55 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Vic gave me cause for thought and I have adapted an idea he gave on verse 2
Thanks Vic
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 01/26/18 06:56 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135620 - 01/26/18 02:36 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
OK you got me, I have to ask...what is fIsh for tea

#1135624 - 01/26/18 03:15 PM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Lol a meal we working class enjoy round about 5pm to 6pm.The middle-class or those with aspirations of joining them refer to it as dinner


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1135784 - 01/29/18 10:35 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Swapped the first two lines of verse one around
And altered the last line of that verse
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 01/29/18 10:38 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1137151 - 02/14/18 09:22 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Alanjack Offline
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A sailors dream no doubt.


Just a writer of words
#1137209 - 02/15/18 06:16 AM Re: ISLE OF EVERFREE [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Alan

The melody has been done and the song should be on the forum in a couple of months
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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