JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Hello - Final production (with Mike Zaneski)

I give you the final production of this tune, that has been in the making for the last 4 years.
I am very happy with the production that Mike Zaneski did for this song. Thanks Mike!

Please critique every aspect of this song, if you would.
Cuz it's never really done, is it?


Hello - Words and Music by Paul Churchfield, Produced by Mike Zaneski

Hello, what's your name?
It seems you and I are just the same
And we both live so far apart
There's no chance of a broken heart

(V2)
Hello my distant friend
I didn't think I'd see you here again
The things you said gave me a smile
That hasn't happened in awhile

(chorus)
What's the harm in us becoming friends
I don't even know your home address
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
But none of this is comin' from my head

(V3)
Hello, so glad you came
I must admit I thought of you today
I was thinking later on
That maybe I'd sing you a song

(chorus)
What's the harm in us becoming friends
I don't even know your home address
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
But none of this is comin' from my head

(V4)
Hello, I have to say
I think about you more and more each day
I hope that you will understand
I want so much to hold your hand

Outro
Hello *

Words and Music by Paul Churchfield
Copyright (c) 2014 Paul Churchfield
All rights reserved.

Produced by Mike Zaneski, 2018

Emotive love song that reminds me of Todd Rungren's song "Hello, its me."

Good song, and the performance, and production are excellent.

There needs to be a little motif between those first two verses, imo. Something simple there that leads organically into that second verse would be great.

The harmonies were a nice touch, by the way.

Very nice!

Peace,
TC

TC,
Thanks for the feedback. I am very pleased with everything that Mike did on this song.
I would highly recommend him to anyone looking to take a song to the next level.
Thanks again TC!
Paul

Hello Paul,


WOW, such a beautiful song and SUCH a beautiful delivery !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thanks Calvin, I appreciate you taking the time to listen and comment!
-Paul

Paul, it's nice to hear this all grown up and ready for prime time! Mike is a wonder. Well done.

Ricki

Lovely poignant song Paul good story and melody and of course another excellent production from that Michael fellah!
Travis

Hey Paul,

Sounding very good! What a tender performance.

steady-eddie

Paul...

Pleasant song. At first I wasn't drawn to it. One reason is that the phrases seem a little stranded and island-ish. And maybe a little overly metric and timed. But I kept listening and then it occurred to me, that in the facebook age amid many re-connections of old friends etc that your song serves nicely as an anthem to all of that. And would make a very nice email attachment to an old friend...or flame...or to someone new.

The only thing that I (personally fwiw) think needs a fix is that the lyric never really defines what relation the singer has to the singee, for me. I'm sure that is by design. However, when I listen it leaves me hazy about what is occurring and to that extent....does not "put me there." My only suggestion is to reconfigure a lyric that firms up an image for the casual listener.

As I wrote above....all personal opinion. Lovely song.

Martin

Thanks Ricki!
We are blessed to have Mike around. And I thank you for directing me toward him. He "got me" and that is a nonnegotiable prerequisite. And not many people "get me". So, it was like lightning striking. I am very happy with the finished song. Thanks again Ricki, I appreciate you a lot!
Paul


Thanks Travis, It's been a work in progress for the last 4 years and I'm very happy with it now.


Thanks Eddie, I appreciate you taking the time to listen to it again and comment.


Martin,

Thank you for taking the time to give feedback on your impressions. It's very valuable feedback.

The phrasing is as natural as can be, anything but metric and timed. Rather it is just the way it came out every time I sang it (like talking) and I think it works for this song, as it's a very personal experience. I think the held back phrases express the hesitation that my heart was feeling. As for island-ish, that is exactly the way I was feeling. And while I am just one person, I am the main character in the song, telling the story of a man, whose heart had been burned beyond recognition; and yet, still went back in, again, despite all of the cries from the brain saying "NO!!!!!!!".

In the original lyric, I had them getting married (which we are btw , very happily I might add) and growing old together. I tried to spin it many different ways and the end result ended up exactly the same. TOTALLY PREDICTABLE and boring.... So, I opted to just leave it as : I want so much to hold your hand. Which; to me means, that the next logical step is to meet in person and the rest is left to the imagination. I like that.

This song is totally autobiographical. I met her on an online dating site, she was from Canada, I from the US and we never had any thoughts of ever meeting. I really did play her a song via a youtube video, Here is a link to the youtube video. We talked to each other every single day, mostly on skype for over a month and then I surprised her by showing her my newly updated passport and asked her if she would meet me at Niagara Falls, in Canada. We met and hit it off like old friends reuniting. The rest, as they say is history.

Now, this song is a testament of that love and that very precious memory, that my wife loves to hear and I love to play for her. It's a great anniversary gift and I am just blessed to have it.

Thanks again for listening and commenting,
Paul

TC, Calvin, John, Eddie, Martin, and Ricki..

Thanks for all the kind words.

Paul wrote beautiful song that had a tone of both innocence and bravery about it, and kind of encapsulates those early sweet moments in a potential relationship. I'm glad that I could amplify that tone somewhat and make for him a nice recording.

Paul, thanks for sharing the autobiographical nature of how this song came about. What a great story!

Mike

Thank you Mike!
It was a privilege working with you!!
Paul

Paul:

Congratulations on creating a song I'm ready to hear again... and again. (Romantic Fool I tend to be!) Loved the melody and every single line. So glad you brought in our resident "hired gun"... Mr. Zaneski... the vocalist and producer who serves this website so well.

Best of luck with this one. I can think of at least a half-dozen talents who could do a "cover" of this and make you wealthy overnight. (Not that somebody with some sense and enough clout couldn't promote the song exactly the way Mike performed it for you.) Impressive work, my friends.

Sorry it took me so long to get here. I've been unable to log onto JPF for the last few days. Talk about being "bummed out!"

----Dave

Dave,

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and comment.
And thank you so much for all of the kind words and encouragement!!
I am very happy with how it turned out and so grateful to Mike for helping bring it to fruition!!!

Paul

So do I

Beautiful sentiment in the song and a great back story.

The musical soundscape was filled from left to right, brilliantly through out the song.
(like sound engineering on a movie)

Loved the cool vocals and understated harmonies especially in the 2nd verse.

Great job guys

Nice one you two. Laid back with a simple but relevant message for today.
Sounds good too.

Vic

Humm,
It had a familiar ring to it of a popular song from the past. I believe it sounds somewhat like THE CAT'S IN THE CRADLE. Good luck with it.

There's not a single note that sounds like cats in the cradle.

What it does actually sound like is America, at least the vocal say in Ventura highway.

Very 70's vibe. Maybe early 80's

It's a nice song overall, don't know where it fits in today's music, but do we really want to fit in today's music.....

Thank you Nelson for the feedback and encouragement.
I'm glad you concur about leaving something to the listener's imagination.
I really love what Mike did with the harmonies as well
-Paul



Thanks Vic!
I really appreciate it.
-Paul



Thanks Ray!
I will take that as a compliment, as Harry Chapin was one of my favorite writer/artists.
I don't hear it but I will take it, as we all hear from different angles.
I appreciate the feedback.
-Paul



Hi Fdemetrio!
Another of my favorite bands.
I could do this all day...
Again, I don't hear it but I appreciate it just the same.
Thanks, Paul

Hi Nelson, Dave, Vic, Ray, and Fdemetrio..

I had a solid foundation of Paul's warm lead vocals and his keyboard track to work with and the rest of the music came easy as I let his main melody echo through the various instruments.

Cat's In The Cradle..can't hear that..Hello It's Me..I can hear that a little bit..they both use major seventh chords but use different patterns with them..America..even closer. How about a soft ballad-y Neil Young doing Brazilian downtempo electronica?

Personally I think this is pretty original sounding..it sounds like Paul's big warm heart talking..

Thanks again, folks..

Mike

Thanks so much Mike!
We'll have to do it again, soon.
Paul

Paul,

This is a pretty tune, and, as usual, Mike delivers on the production. Very mellow, very slick, and I like the vocal and harmony that comes in on the second chorus. A lot of emotion here that resonates through every note. There’s a part of me that hungered for a bridge or just a change up along the way in the instrumentation (e.g., leading to taking the last verse up a key?), but, hey, it’s pretty awesome as is. Enjoyed it a lot.

All the best,

Deej

Hey Paul and Michael,

Well, that tune just really pleased my ears. Well written and produced, and also captured just a moment.

Michael, I love the musical arrangement, and also the mixdown of the backing track. Your vocals are spot on in regards to pitch and delivery. I do feel however, that there is way too much reverb on the voice and EQ wise it is not quite positioning your tonality. It's an intimate song and I would like to hear the intimacy of the vocalist close to the microphone to bring that out. The vocal track is not embedded in the backing.

Simple fix ? Simply send your backing track ( dry ) and your vocal track ( dry ) to a mixdown studio and they will do their magic. If you're not able to do that, I would be more that willing to do that, or either refer to mastering engineers which can do so. This track is sonically very close. It just needs a push in the right direction.


cheers, niteshift

HI Deej,

Thanks for listening and giving feedback. I really appreciate it a lot!
For the first 3 years all there was was verses and the outro was my idea of a bridge, as passage of time.
I had to dig deep to find that chorus but I am very happy that I did.
Now, I guess I want to say that the outro (which is a change in progression) that is intended to show the passage of time, is the bridge. Going forward though, I will listen though with your input in mind.

Thanks
Paul


Hi Niteshift,

I appreciate your kind words about the song and that you took the time to listen and give feedback.
I am pretty happy with the vocal sound myself but it is also out of my wheelhouse somewhat.
On the whole I am just really pleased with the production, so I am not inclined to open it back up but I would defer to Mike's input.

Thanks again,
Paul

Hi Gang:

I had to come back and give this "Stunner" another listen. I wish I had "Shifty's studio monitors to pick up all the things noticed... 'cause I know it's difficult to hear every tiny musical nuance with cheap desktop speakers. No matter, my friends. This is one "delicious song" and Paul, you and Mike don't need to worry about making another cut... or spending more money on "HELLO" 'cause somebody with deep pockets is gonna pick up this song and take it to the charts.

Do I think it would be a bad idea to take Niteshift up on the offer? Not at all... if the offer is free and with the good intentions coming from "down under." One thing is certain, I've always thought Niteshift has excellent ears. I wish my eardrum had not been busted by a cheap Chinese Bicycle Inner-tube several years back... LOL!

Congratulations, Paul... and Mike. This is the best song I've heard at JPF in quite some time.

----Dave

Dave,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words!!

To be honest, I don't know the first thing about putting my songs out there (or pitching them), so that someone with deep pockets could even pick them up. Maybe it's time for the next stage of my sw skills development. Please, if anyone has any good advice, I am all ears.

Thanks again Dave!
You made my day
Paul

Thanks Deej, Geoff, and Dave..

Thanks for all the kind thoughts..Paul indeed wrote a winner here and his sincere delivery captures that so very well.

Dave, thanks you for the thumbs up on the vocal mix..I paid close attention to that.

Deej, I can here "other instruments" in my head as well, but I think for this song it was important to keep the sound palette on the small side to help amplify that sincerity..

Geoff, you have a good set of ears and I appreiciate your observations on my mix of Paul's lead vocals. I did spent some time dialing them in, and chose a reverb and intensity that worked well with a lead vocal that had lots of space in between phrases. But I didn't want a big hall reverb with a big hall tail that lingered, that seemed grandiose for this song, so there's none of that. I wanted a reverb that thickened Paul's voice a tad, and Paul and I are satisfied with the results. I find that there's much presence in his vocals--to me they sound up front (but not too), bright (but not too), sweet, and vulnerable--which was my aim--and I am not distracted by the reverb at all, which is what we try to avoid as producers--it should be felt and not heard--unless you are a Goth band or the Cowboy Junkies, perhaps! Anyway, thanks again..

Thanks all..

Mike

There's a lot to love hear Paul and Mike.

The word "tender" has been used and I think that aptly describes the lyrics, the music, the arrangement, the mood--everything.

Well done. I really enjoyed it.

David,

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.
I had a lot of fun with this one and I am happy with the finished product.
I appreciate you taking the time to listen to it and comment.
It means a lot!

Thanks again,
Paul

Wish I knew Paul. I post most of my songs on my facebook page and have a Barry Butler youtube page...BUT I'm still invisible...lol

Paul,

I really enjoyed listening to this song a few times. Others have mentioned some artists, songs, and genres it brought to mind, and I have some too! When the first chords came in, I was reminded of the harmonies to “Let ‘Em In” by Wings, albeit at a slower tempo. Overall, the vibe brought to mind the “yacht rock” of the 80s.

I liked the melodic rhythm that did mirror natural speech patterns as you noted in this thread. The space between the notes in particular worked well. Perhaps I’m partial to 3rds and 6ths, but I thought it was novel to focus on these scale degrees in the beginning of your melody (b and e over Gmaj7 and Gmaj6 chords). The contrasting couplets in the melody pitches add some interest over the somewhat static harmonies and the repetition makes it hummable.

The simple chords in the verse set off a Pop feel nicely. The contrast of more harmonic movement in the chorus was really pleasing and the move to the relative minor chord paired well with the tension in the lyrics. The change in melody notes being paired in couplets to 4-bar phrases was a nice differentiator as well.

The subject of adding bridge was brought up. While you could certainly experiment with it if you were inspired and had something to add to the story, I believe it works without one, especially with the nice instrumental interludes to break things up. It would be worth keeping the possibility open, though.

Beginning each verse with the title word was great for unity and emphasis. The lyrics did a good job of subtly painting the yearning in the beginnings of a relationship. “I don’t even know your home address” struck me as a bit uncomfortable somehow, like an excuse under false pretense - which obviously is not the case! While it may not work with your personal story, I could hear a more general line such as “You haven’t even told me where you live,” or something to that effect. Also, maybe you can help me understand the line “But none of this is comin’ from my head.” I don’t know that it needs changed, I’m just curious.

The production is a lush soundscape, layered beautifully. The power of the instrumentation and arrangement really shines on that first chorus. Great vocal harmonies there. And when you get into the 3-part vocal harmonies later in the song, that takes special skill to arrange - sounded great!

I loved that guitar that came in at the 1:00 mark with the call and response playing! When I heard it, I started getting my “stank face” on (that’s a good thing) and doing my best George Benson imitation air guitar. I wanted to hear it through the rest of the song! I would have loved to hear it solo instead of the organ. The guitar solo/ soli later in the song sounded like a different guitar patch, but maybe it was just playing higher on the fretboard.

I like that there is a triangle in the percussion. However, around the 2:45 mark, it’s notes on the “and” of beat two each measure sound oddly short to me for a number of bars. There is also some kind of a synth cymbal on the first few downbeats of each measure of that chorus that strike me as sounding off somehow.

I personally would have enjoyed a few more “hello”s at the end of the song, repeating it every 2 bars for a while, even possibly with a long fade out and some instrumental noodling around.

Thanks for sharing!

Maroon

Maroon,

Thank you for such a thoughtful breakdown of my song. You obviously put a lot of time and thought into it and I appreciate that. Hopefully my response suffices, as I am a little less of an analyst.

You asked me to explain, the line "but none of this is comin from my head". It goes with the previous line "fools rush in where angels fear to tread", as a disclaimer because the singer knows that he is rushing in, where angels fear to tread. (i.e. he is being a fool, of sorts) but none of what he is doing, is coming from his head, or brain. He is following his heart instead. I hope that clarifies.

I'm glad you liked the phrasing. It made it more conversational, I thought.

Mike did a great job on productiin, as well as the guitars, organ and backing vocals. He understood the song quite well. That was his greatest contribution to me. I've heard others say the same of him.

I have pondered a bridge but there really isn't anything more I need to say, so adding a bridge just for the sake of having a bridge is a little like the tail wagging the dog.

Thanks for hearing McCartney, he is surely one of my biggest influences and I take it as a compliment.

Thanks again for the feedback!
I hope I addressed all of your questions.
Paul

Just keep writing Barry. Nobody is invisible and we all have something to say.

Man, that's a beauty. Love the production - it totally supports the song - but I know I could listen to it several times and still not catch all the subtle things that Mike has done to make it so effective. The harmonies are a great example - I was hardly aware of them but then I started listening for them and loved how they were purely in support of the main vocal.

Yes, I loved the back story too. I'm sure the fact that it was autobiographical gave it that extra ooomph that makes it special.

Scott

Scott,

Thanks for the comments!
Mike is definitely special! We're very lucky to have him around.
I wrestle to write a song that is not autobiographical, I want to but that's where I always end up. I have no problem listening to them, some of my favs.. Probably cuz I'm an overthinker and it writing gives me an out for it.

Thanks again,
Paul

This is lovely. You two both did an amazing job on this. I love the unassuming voice of this. Music and arrangement are near perfect. I say near perfect because I think perfect is boring and sterile. Near is interesting, vibrant, breathing, living.

Wendy,

Thank you for the kind words.
It was a fun song to do and I'm quite happy with it as well.

Paul

You're more than welcome, Paul! Thanks for the explanation and I understand your thoughts about adding a bridge. Cool to know that McCartney is one of your influences! I still marvel at his work with Lennon.

Maroon

Maroon,

Lennon and McCartney are both big influences but I think I definitely favor Paul, being a balladeer at heart and all that...
I also love that he played bass, even though he was fully capable of playing any instrument. All too often people assume that bass players are wannabe guitarists and I wholeheartedly disagree. I played bass in cover bands for years and I got that all the time. My first instrument was always guitar and I think that being well versed at guitar and other instruments makes you a better bass player.

Thanks again for the feedback!
Paul

Maroon, Barry, David, Scott, and Wendy..

Truly..thanks for all the kind thoughts..

This song was such a pleasure working on..when you are working and you can't go on at times cuz it's making your heart feel all full and achy in a good way..you know you are working on something really meaningful to you..and this song gave me a peak experience or two that way, it touches my heart..

Thanks Paul for the opportunity to work on such a beauty.

Mike

Yeah, I agree - the bass is the "rock" - the foundation for so much of Jazz, Rock, Pop, R&B, you name it. It sets the harmony and, along with the drummer, the groove. In addition, it can be just as expressive! My bass player would play piano before becoming a guitarist.

Very welcome, Paul.