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#1134883 - 01/11/18 11:14 PM Pieces of the Past  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
USA
Going thru some unfinished pieces. I'm throwing this up here as it's all very tentative and I'm not sold on any of it. I know it needs work. I welcome any suggestions or constructive crits as it's a work in progress! Gearing up for FAWM if I have time this year... smile

PIECES OF THE PAST

The sky turns orange
As the day winds down
Some memories emerge
And will walk with me now

A wisp of a breeze
Brings some thoughts of you
Then they fly away
Like lost love will do

[ch]
Oh, pieces of the past
Invade my space
I try to sort them out
In a quiet place
Pieces of the past
Passion more than bold
Thrown against the wind
Was too hard to hold

We all grow up
Or do we just age
When the darkness falls
Over the love we gave

The red in the sky
Is the burn in my heart
Past mistakes shine down
Like a falling star

Repeat ch

[br]
Oh, the sun sinks down the horizon
And I enjoy the silence
Itís nice to have this time to see
Whatís behind and whatís in front of me

Repeat ch

©2018 Kristi McKeever


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1134893 - 01/12/18 08:56 AM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,944
Vicarn Offline
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Vicarn  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,944
UK
Hi Kristi.
Just a few suggs that may or may not work according to what you are trying to achieve rhythm wise etc.
Use or lose.

Vic

The sky on fire
As the day winds down
Some memories emerge
And will walk with me now

A wisp of a breeze
Brings some thoughts of you
Then they fly on by
Like lost love will do

[ch]
Oh, pieces of the past
Invade my space
I try to sort them out
In a quiet place
Pieces of the past
Passion more than bold
Thrown against the wind
Was too hard to hold

This dying sky
will sear my heart
as mistakes shine down
Like falling stars

We all grow up
Or do we just age
as we play our part
on this world's stage

Repeat ch

[br]
Oh, the sun sinks down and silence falls
No distractions. No curtain calls
Itís nice to have this time to see
Whatís behind and whatís in front of me


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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#1134896 - 01/12/18 09:28 AM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 850
9ne Online content
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9ne  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 850
N.E. of Toronto
I didn't care for the first line either.
Suggestions?

Pieces of the past
Passion too hard to hold
Thrown against the wind
Left out in the cold

Liked this verse! (except for the word "over")
We all grow up
Or do we just age
When the darkness falls
On the love we gave

I think the second verse is too similar, (thoughts/memories) to the first
Same with using "sky" again in the last.
I'd like to see more reference to the pieces of the past (pieces of a shattered heart?)
The bridge again, references the sky, (horizon) Enough with the vista ok Kristi? LOL! smile

A good start and as you said a bit more work.
All the best!
-Mike

#1134900 - 01/12/18 10:30 AM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,534
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,534
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
A good start...maybe some personal references, make it less poetic.

A wisp of a breeze
Brings a glimpse of you
Then you fly on by
Like lost love will do

#1135001 - 01/14/18 04:07 PM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
USA
Hi Vic,

Thank you for those good suggestions! I think the first two fit quite nicely in those beginning verses. I especially like the idea of love "flying by" there as opposed to "flying away" in this instance because it's like they stopped and looked in or something! Like they come every so often. The sky on fire is nice too. That line is trouble for me. I had orange, maroon, crimson...etc...."fire" lets others decide. And then I use it again later, so we'll see...I want it to be a "pretty picture" contrasted with this person's emotions.

Anyway, I'm thinking about how everything fits together. And I really appreciate you taking time to offer up some suggestions! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1135003 - 01/14/18 04:36 PM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
USA
Hi 9ne (Mike),

I think you're on to something with the beginning verses being very similar! Maybe I can get a couple more specific references in there to the past as you mentioned as I can probably get more out of the lines: "some memories emerge" and "bring some thoughts of you".

Yeah, I tend to mix in a lot of nature elements...call it poetic or not...it helps me tell the story.....too much scenery? grin I get it. Okay. Could be. Could be.

Substituting "on" for "over". I do notice the difference little words make, so much appreciated pointing that out!

These are good ideas to help make the lyric stronger. Thanks a bunch!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1135004 - 01/14/18 04:44 PM Re: Pieces of the Past [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,797
USA
Hi Neil,

Yes, I think I do need to get some more details in there and personalize it a bit more. A "glimpse of you" is a cool visual. I have to work on that aspect of it I think. Yeah, like I mentioned, I tend toward the "poetic"....lol....I'll think about balancing that out with the story of this person so nature doesn't overshadow it.

Thank you for your suggestions! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist

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