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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
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On Rubber Road (Neil Cotton)
The sun was setting on that stretch of black Quarter mile of side road the chosen track The air got hot when big blocks revved A chance to see whose muscle's best
Ten cars paired up only one would brag No cops in sight someone yelled let's drag The Beer the smell of burning Rubber All hearts thumpin like rollin’ thunder
Rubber Road, that was then this is now In my head I still hear the sounds Of street rods roarin' on Rubber Road Screeching and smokin’ on Rubber Road
A Chevelle SS beat a Mustang Shelby A Cutless lost to a ‘Cuda Hemi Motorcycles raced too some of the time The Camshaft pole was the finish line
Rubber Road, that was then this is now In my head I still hear the sounds Of street rods roarin' on Rubber Road Screeching and smokin’ on Rubber Road
Instrumental to verse
Sure as Monday followed the Sabbath Sirens screamed we all scattered
Rubber Road, that was then this is now In my head I still hear the sounds Of street rods roarin' on Rubber Road Screeching and smokin’ on Rubber Road
One Helluva go on Rubber Road
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 01/12/18 12:20 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
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Good stuff Neil! I think the Sabbath line isn't strong. If you put the sirens line first and ended a new line with "catch us" you'd gain some traction.
BTW This needs a slight fix: Of stree trods roarin' on Rubber Road
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
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Hi Neil,
This reads very well! So many great details, I could see so much of this story in my mind.
In an attempt to offer something constructive, you may be able to rotate adjectives in this line to "rev" it up even more: “Screeching and smokin’ on Rubber Road” if you were so inclined. I really like the very last line: “One Helluva go on Rubber Road” and that internal rhyme.
Good stuff with a good rhythm all the way thru!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
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OP
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
Hi Neil,
This reads very well! So many great details, I could see so much of this story in my mind.
In an attempt to offer something constructive, you may be able to rotate adjectives in this line to "rev" it up even more: “Screeching and smokin’ on Rubber Road” if you were so inclined. I really like the very last line: “One Helluva go on Rubber Road” and that internal rhyme.
Good stuff with a good rhythm all the way thru!
Kristi I had that "go" line initially but went with images....maybe go back to it thanks.
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 01/12/18 12:14 AM.
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