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#1134207 12/31/17 05:05 PM
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I haven’t posted anything in ages and usually on the Lyric Board. But the beginning of a new year inspires me to share this song. It’s a collaboration with John Davey from the 50/90 Songwriting Challenge which occurs from July-October. I wrote the lyric, then John composed music and is singing and playing.

Just sharing......it’s such a crazy world we live in and sometimes it takes all you have to close your eyes and.....breathe. wink

I would be curious to know what genre you hear it fitting into....thanks for listening!! Go 2018....!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Listen here:
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13649013

I’M GONNA LOVE
©2017 Kristi McKeever(lyrics)/John Davey(music, vocals)

The sun is out
But very few notice
The sky is blue
Yet the weapons are loaded

The children play
And the adults fight
We live in illusions
What’s wrong, what’s right

It may sound too simple and too naive but

I’m gonna love
Even if the earth shatters
And the dams break
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love
Even if there’s wild fire
And the takers take
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love

The seasons turn
Folks try to evolve
A hundred years pass
What has been solved

The doors start to close
A few look inside
Determined to do good
And turn the tide

It may be too soon or even too late but

I’m gonna love
Even if the earth shatters
And the dams break
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love
Even if there’s wild fire
And the takers take
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love

Oh, I sleep better at night
Knowin’ I give all I have
Keep my good senses
In a world gone mad

It may be too soon or even too late but

I’m gonna love
Even if the earth shatters
And the dams break
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love
Even if there’s wild fire
And the takers take
I’m gonna love
I’m gonna love


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Kristi,

Beautiful song. John's production is simple and effective.

This has a warm anthemic feel to it, and your lyrical, writerly "voice" shines through in every line.

For categories, I'd say Adult Contemporary, then maybe "Piano/vocal pop" (is that a category? not sure). smile

Happy New Year!

Mike


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 12/31/17 05:52 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Hi Kristi,


Wow, good to see you again & with such a pretty tune GOOD WORK !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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A beautiful write and wonderful sentiment for the new year. Kristi.

"It may sound too simple and too naive but"...I’m gonna love Brilliant

John really did a bang up job on the composing and performances.

Hats off and Happy New Year to you both


Sorry but I'm clueless when it comes to choosing genres.

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Hey Kristi/John,

It's somewhere in the "Pop" genre. I feel a bit of both contemporary Christian pop, but also kind of hear a Barry Manilow influence as well from the late 70's. I enjoyed the melody and performance--the piano works well with the song vibe/lyrics as well. I'm not the best for distinguishing Genres these days! Great collab however!

steady-eddie

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Great uplifting message and performance, Kristi and John. It sounds like Broadway to me! smile

Ricki

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A great collaboration Kristi and message for the New Year.
Best of luck with it
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Well done you two. I am uplifted for a while.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Hi Mike,

Hey, thanks for the nice words! It's neat to think I have a "lyrical writerly voice". lol And thanks for the ideas as far as genre. I get the anthem feel you mention for sure, oh yes. Adult Contemporary...“Piano/vocal pop”...well you know, on Soundclick there’s “acoustic/acoustic piano”. They group them like that, but I guess it's not an exact science. It fun to think of where a song may lean towards. Very helpful! Thanks for listening! smile

Happy New Year!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
Calvin #1134321 01/02/18 09:11 PM
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Hi Calvin,

Nice to see you too! Thanks for your kind words and for checking out this tune!

Happy New Year!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
Nelson #1134322 01/02/18 09:28 PM
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Hi Nelson,

Oh, hey....thank so much for that kind feedback. Yeah, genres are tough....John really did do a bang up job....and in about 2 days too...no exaggeration....as 50/90 is a “challenge atmosphere” that is focused on the creation of songs/lyrics. I appreciate you taking a moment to listen and comment! smile

Happy New Year!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi, Kristi,

For a genre, I definitely recommend Contemporary Christian/ ecclesiastical. In recent years, the genre has expanded into some spiritual and uplifting songs like this that make no overt references to theism. In fact, it echoes a lot of the sentiment expressed at my own church. This song has the potential to offer a good deal more musical and lyrical value than the average Contemporary Christian song.

Thoughts on the lyrics:

The song seems to be one of personal commitment and encouraging your fellow man in the process. "But very few notice" sounds a bit weak/ obscure to begin the song with. Maybe "Do we even notice?" or something along those lines would be more clear and coaxing.

More importantly, to go from the sun, sky, and general ambivalence of mankind to loaded weapons was very jarring to me. I've always heard that the word with the single most emotional attachment to it in the English language is "gun". "Weapons" would seem to be a kissing cousin. I would either change this lyric, get into it later in the song, or begin the song right away with this lyric, making it the defining contrasting statement the song is built on. The latter would lend itself to more of a social justice vibe.

Consider changing "And the adults" to "But the grownups" unless you are looking for more of an international audience. And although it may seem a matter of semantics, consider a question mark after "what's wrong, what's right". This way, it seems like the world is confusing, which would be understandable to a Contemporary Christian audience. Otherwise, it seems kind of esoteric or nihilistic as if there is no right or wrong. The aforementioned audience would not identify with such a sentiment.

Next, I find a loose connection between "the earth shatters" and "the dams break". However, I can't draw the same line between "there's wild fire" and "the takers take". Try to rework this couplet into a pair that relate to each other. It could deal with the environment or justice, just not both. in fact, you could expand this key section of the song with another two couplets for four in all. That way you could use wildfires for one couplet, takers take for the next two lines, and one new concept for the last 2 lines.

"Folks try to evolve" strikes me as untrue or misworded. Also, "evolve" is unfortunately a trigger-word in some religious communities. Something like "We try to move on" would be more genuine to my thinking. I think you could broaden the scope of thought in your song by changing a hundred years to a thousand or even ten thousand. This goes outside the frame of reference of some people, but the audience I have suggested is accustomed to hearing stories that are 5,000+ years old in scripture, e.g. Israelites v/s Philistines/ David v/s Goliath, etc.

"Oh, I sleep better at night
Knowin’ I give all I have
Keep my good senses
In a world gone mad"

This bridge could be viewed as slightly pretentious and/ or adversarial, which is an image/ stereotype that many believers fight hard to counteract as it relates to their faith. (Admittedly, I risk sounding musically pretentious and adversarial in this post - I hope my positive intent somehow comes through.) I think the bridge could use a more humble and conciliatory approach. Perhaps I sleep better "when I'm tryin' to give all I have". Maybe I plea to my higher power to "(Lord,) Help me keep my senses in a world that seems so mad." Just some ideas - the tone could be changed a number of ways.

Thoughts on the music:

Pretty piano intro, but I think it sits on the first G chord too long. Overall the music contains a nice, suitable melody, accessible harmony that has some interest and evokes 80s Pop, and a fairly standard form. The background harmonies you've fleshed out provide some good possibilities for a large, onstage worship group which is many times the case. Sheet music and/ or recorded voice parts would be a big seller for a publisher like Southern Music or Hillsong perhaps.

The main musical device at the beginning is the hemiola from accenting eighth notes in groups of three in 4/4 time. This is further heightened with the odd 3-bar phrases that begin the verse and it works well together. However, the second verse adds 2 extra beats at the end of the first two lines ("The seasons turn, Folks try to evolve"). These feel out of place and will only cause confusion for performers. The melody of the next lines ("A hundred years pass, What has been solved") sounds too detached from the beat. Make sure that each note falls on either the beat or the eighth note between a beat in the way the first verse was done. This will also make it easier to sing along to for a congregation.

The melody on the choruses needs to be consistent, rather than changing tessitura between the first and second chorus as it does in your recording. I like the beginning of the chorus the second time much better when it rises to a D (incidentally the upper part of an average non-musician's singing range). However, I don't like how "dams break" ends on a G. I think it better to go down to the low D like the first time the chorus was sung. The main point is that the chorus needs to have the same melody each time.

I highly encourage you guys to keep reworking this tune! I think that you could get a church with a good contemporary music program that is local to you to premiere it and allow you a nice recording as proof of concept to submit to one or more publishers of spiritual worship music. You'll find that church music ministers are always looking for new stuff and that it would likely spread from one to another organically, even without major publishing.

Thanks for sharing!




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Hi Kristi and John:

I really enjoyed what I heard. This is one of those songs that could be sung by at least a dozen "Big-Name" artists... and in more than one genre. Here's hoping someone who has the "clout" to move it in that direction for you will come along. Best wishes and best of luck with it. ----Dave

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Nice song.

The vocals are quite good; I wish I could sing as effortlessly!

I hear this as adult contemporary but it could cross over with different types of production depending on the producer's target.

I liked it.

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
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Whoops, doublepost...

Last edited by TC Perkins; 01/03/18 04:03 PM.

If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
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Hi Eddie,

I’ve always liked Barry Manilow! My youth!! It's fun to see how a song is “heard” by others so I appreciate your comments and ideas on the genres. It just kind of shows me where the message may be hitting or resonating, ya know? Thanks for taking a listen and your nice comments!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi Ricki,

Ah, Broadway! Yes, I was wondering if anyone was going to say that as it was mentioned on the site the song originated from! It's fun to hear different ways it can go. Thanks for listening! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi Travis,

Thank you very much for taking a listen and your nice comments! I like the idea of sending positive vibes out there thru a song! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
Vicarn #1134374 01/03/18 10:23 PM
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Hi Vic,

Well if you were uplifted for a bit, then the song did its work! smile That was my goal in writing the lyric, so yay. Thank you for listening and commenting!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi Maroon,

Wow...your post is so extensive and I appreciate the time you have given going over the lyrics and music to offer your thoughts and ideas for a specific genre. I’ve read it over several times and will have to digest it some more. smile (I'll be sure John sees this thread as well)

In the meantime, I think it’s so interesting to see some tweaks that would need to be made to really gear this toward the market you suggest: Contemporary Christian. I’ve learned quite a bit about that genre just reading your comments! lol Valuable stuff! I see what you’re saying about how some lines would be received by the Christian community. Good to know. Writing for a market has specific intentions and I can see the choices I can make in that way. Changing a word or line, etc would be dictated by those intentions.

I can only speak to the lyric, and from a writer’s standpoint it’s always interesting to hear how certain lines are received. “Weapons” was actually a metaphor initially intended to indicate a larger sense of dysfunction in the world that could encompass any way people “fight”. And one person’s observations and maybe “self-talk” as this person decides I don’t care what others do, I’m doing this. Then of course, it develops or even morphs with the addition of music. The lyric did come first. That’s from inside the lyric looking out...I understand "meaning" takes a life of its own once a piece is shared. wink

Yes, your positive intent comes thru. It’s objective and specific to technique and the effect of placing lines, words, etc...together or in the beginning or at the end....that’s the fun of writing! Kind of like an editor of a movie...

Anyway, thanks so much for your insights, thoughts and ideas! Much appreciated!!

Kristi


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Hi Dave,

Hey, thanks for the good wishes....and confidence in this song. I belong to SONGU and peruse their pitch opportunities from time to time..so who knows where it could land! Hey, ho! wink They are a good group over there, btw. Very helpful and on the up and up!

Anyway, thank you for your kind comments and taking a moment to listen!

Kristi


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Hi TC,

Thanks for your nice comments and feedback. That’s a great point....depending upon the target, a producer can create what they need in a song. Interesting. It’s really such a creative process...songwriting. Isn’t it?? So much of it is wayyy out of my realm! smile

I’m glad you liked the song...thanks so much for listening!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Kristi and John,

This is a topic that is on my mind all the time and you so eloquently put it into words and music. Takers are always gonna take. I would like to add that the haters are always gonna hate. But I'm gonna love. Yes I am!

Stephen Levine writes that 'Love is the only rational act'. And I happen to agree.

Thank you for sharing this great song and such an important message.
I enjoyed it very much!

Paul

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Hi, Kristie,

You're very welcome and I'm so glad that you are finding some items of interest/ value to you! Your thoughts on audience and market are great; important to have in mind when seeking some degree of commercial viability.

That's cool to hear about what was behind your writing process. I actually like the concept of weapons as a metaphor for dysfunction and relying on pre-conceived notions out of defensiveness - I wouldn't have guessed that. I fully agree that meaning can be attached by audience in unexpected ways.

Very glad that my remarks were received as constructive. I can't help but think that your likening your role as a lyricist and songwriter to a film editor's role will serve you well in having the flexibility needed to make your music a success!

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This is a really great song in all ways!! Very strong lyrics, music and performance. You should both be very proud of this one.

Great job!


David Snyder, Composer, Author
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Kristi and John,

Great work by both of you on this one. Love the production overall but particularly on the chorus—wonderful harmonies give this some terrific depth. Really enjoyed my listen.

Regards,

Deej

Last edited by Deej56; 01/06/18 08:28 PM.
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Hi Paul,

Ya know, haters gonna hate was also something I thought about using there! In my mind, they both fit as far as the message. I think I could write more too but it'd be a 10 minute song! Ha. I'm glad you got the message....that's why I shared it in the first place! smile

Thanks for your nice comments!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi again Maroon,

Yeah, I find it fun to hear feedback from fellow songwriters. I think we all have a lot to offer each other. I know just reading other people's lyrics and listening to their songs only makes me better at writing, even if I'm not thinking about learning anything at that moment!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi David,

Well thank you so much for your kind words! John really makes the lyric come alive! I really appreciate you taking time to listen and comment on the song! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
Deej56 #1134584 01/07/18 12:12 AM
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Hi Deej,

Yeah, I don't know how John did all that within the time frame he did. It was during the 50/90 Challenge, if you're familiar with that. People generally focus on creating songs, just getting them down, ya know? and all the production like harmonies etc...generally comes later. But John really brought so much to the lyric!

Thanks for listening and for your nice comments! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Hi Kristi Maroon brings up some good points, the main problem for me

is the piano backing is at odds with the vocal melody line,

The counter melody played on the piano spoils the whole arrangement for me

The lyric has got some good lines, Despite all the nasty things going on around

us in the world today ; Lovers will still love , yes I go along with that

Melodically it needs much more ,


I'm Gonna Love ------ You

No matter what this world may throw

I'm Gonna Love ----- You

Even if it's thirty below -------------


followed by five more lines


finishing with the HOOK just an idea but then you would have more contrast in line length

between the verse and the chorus at this time your verses and the Chorus have both got

short line phrasing, where as a melodic contrast between the verse and the chorus could

lift the song up from being an average song to a possible masterpiece

Definitely Keep at it


Last edited by Cheyenne; 01/07/18 11:07 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.
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Hi Cheyenne,

Thank you for taking time to listen to the song and offering up some suggestions for making the song more powerful. I appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness. All feedback is valuable to me.

I listened to the song again with your thoughts in mind. I understand your point about contrast in line length between verse/chorus (a good writing technique!) and I feel the verse lines meter differently between verse/chorus, which also creates a contrast in melody. And John echoes lines in the chorus which have a totally different melody to my ears and also creates a contrast. So I hear a melodic contrast. wink And to the extent it is satisfying to someone’s ears will vary, I get that!

I’m positive there are words/lines I could rewrite to polish it up, and things would need to be altered in order to gear it toward a specific genre, as mentioned in prior posts. I’m all about technique, rewriting, and creating the best song possible. But in this case, while not looking for pats on the back by any means, posting it here was just a matter of me being inspired by what John did and I wanted to share the song with others. Even if no one commented, I wanted them to just listen, and maybe be inspired too. wink

Again, thanks for your thoughts! Happy New Year!

Kristi


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Hi Kristi:

I love this! Great idea for a song! And the performance is lovely.

Maroon gave you a lot of feedback. Most of it would not have occurred to me but I found myself thinking that they were good ideas as I read them - and would make a beautiful song even stronger.

Scott

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Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
Hi again Maroon,

Yeah, I find it fun to hear feedback from fellow songwriters. I think we all have a lot to offer each other. I know just reading other people's lyrics and listening to their songs only makes me better at writing, even if I'm not thinking about learning anything at that moment!

Kristi


Agreed, Kristie!! smile

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Hi Scott,

Thanks for listening and your nice comments. Yeah, Maroon's ideas on the Contemporary Christian genre was very informative! It's cool to see how songs can be tilted in such ways to cater to a genre. smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
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Thanks again, Maroon. smile


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist

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