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#1134325 - 01/02/18 09:55 PM Little karmann ghia  
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maccharles Online content
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Was uploading a few tunes to band camp today and listened to this one after having almost forgotten about it. I was pleasantly surprised, I don't remember being too gawd awfully pleased the day I finished it. Thought I'd throw it to the wolves again. smile

https://maccharles.bandcamp.com/track/little-karmann-ghia

Last edited by maccharles; 01/02/18 09:55 PM.
#1134335 - 01/03/18 09:52 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Loving the Beatlesque vibe with the dominant 7 chords being played on offbeats interspersed with your riff. The idea the lyrics paint take me back to my youth - awesome little story. The bridge and guitar solo definitely felt right.

The main concern I have with the song is that the musical device used on the chorus doesn't work for me. I understand what you are trying to do with the E Major 7 to start it - it certainly provides a contrast. However, it's much too stark and odd of a change to provide a sense of "wow, look at her, here she is" in the context of a Pop-Rock-Retro-sounding tune like this, at least for my taste. Charlie Parker was known in his solos to go between the two, but it always started in a Major 7/9 setting, later working in the dominant 7 for a bluesy feel.

My suggestion would be to continue the chorus in the vain of what really gives this song its musical character - the juicy dominant chords! Try simply beginning it on an E7 and changing the melody notes to suit. If you want more of a contrast, try perhaps starting it on a C7 chord, moving to D7 for "little Karmann Ghia" and then resolving to the E7 for "she's rolling away". Or, just do something other than going to a Major 7.

I think that the melody gives an artist enough of a starting point to play with it and add some more rhythmic variety, rather then beginning every line of each verse on the downbeat of the measure or the pickup to it. The middle of the phrases in the verses could be played with as well, elongating and shortening some notes.

The lyrics also need some attention. There are some instances of passive voice and weak phrases that could be livened up, e.g.:

  • "listening for that funky thing she drives" => "listen up for that funky thing she drives"
  • "the dog can hear it too" => "dogs start barking too"
  • "now you think you see her everywhere" => ?

There are also some words that could be dropped for a less is more approach:

  • "She" in "she rolls on by..."
  • "You" in "you wonder where she goes"

When I envision this song, I imagine it during the daytime - mid morning or sunset at the latest. I can excuse the tiki torch image because it's just such a cool lyric. However, having painted an "I Love You" sign seems a little desperate. Maybe the sign could just say "Hi!" "Hello", and/ or have a smiley face, peace sign, or something more believable.

I could see a Beatles tribute band picking this up as an original tune for recording! Bands like that are always asked for records by their fans, but it feels odd to them to re-record the originals in exactly the same style. Sha-Na-Na did it with a single album in all their years, I think, along with a few one-off singles.

Thanks for sharing!

#1134341 - 01/03/18 11:12 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Hi Mac:

"Throw it to the Wolves again!"... made me chuckle as I read your introductory post. Karmann-Ghia is a delight. It sure brings back some great memories for me. I have no "nits"... simply because it resonates with so many human emotions in such a great way. The melody is perfect and the backing band gets my toes moving even when I do my best to resist. Then there is your vocal... and it brings the song right there to the top of my chart. Is the lyric perfect? Is the song perfect?... maybe so... maybe not... but if "Brian's Rule" is applied... (Does it move you?)... game, set, match. Even the "outro" is delicious!

Loved it, Mac... (can ya' tell?)... and I wish you the best with it. Happy 2018! ----Dave

#1134359 - 01/03/18 04:38 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Cool song that reminds me a bit of Badfinger (remember those guys?). I think Joey is still out doing his thing, touring and whatnot.

Overall, the song is good, and the production is good. I liked the hook and the ending was nice.

I have no real nits - the song works as is. A bluesy version would be something to consider if you ever wanted to revisit the song again down the road.

Well done!

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
#1134380 - 01/04/18 04:09 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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You did right Mac this is to good to discard.
Liked it a lot
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1134388 - 01/04/18 11:35 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Corey, that's a lot to digest, there are a lot of tweaks needed no doubt and I agree on most, but the chorus still sounds right to me.

Thanks for the spin.

#1134391 - 01/04/18 12:14 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Very welcome, Mac! Apologies if it was an information overload, and I'm glad that you found some common ground in the comments.

If the chorus sounds right to you, I certainly respect your staying true to your ears. I'd just recommend you experiment with the alternate chords mentioned, if for nothing but exploring the concept.

Keep the music coming!

Maroon

#1134398 - 01/04/18 03:10 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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9ne Online content
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Very cool Mac! I thought starting with the second verse may be better as it's all right there with that cool imagery. For some reason, I really thought that the second line was crying out to rhyme with the first. (and so on)
JUST as an example, (certainly don't want to do any toe stepping) regarding what I mean :

Peace sign painted on a beat up door,
Always drivin' with a foot to the floor
Paisley headband in her hair
Spreadin' flower power everywhere

Liked how you did the chorus-good stuff!

All the best
-Mike

#1134410 - 01/04/18 06:22 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Travis,no chance of discarding it....just had almost forgotten about it being part of the 105 songs I did for song a week.

Thanks for spinning it.

Last edited by maccharles; 01/05/18 11:04 AM.
#1134411 - 01/04/18 06:23 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Tc, bluesy....hmmmm.

#1134413 - 01/04/18 06:31 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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I got a carefree vibe for this fun story that took me out of the horrible wind and snowstorm that is currently happening outside my window! I like the detail about the dog in the car, though I did wonder how you know he can hear the “rattle and hum” too. lol It’s a great visual, that could be more of a visual if we could "see" what he's doing. There’s lots of other images that really define the girl and her playful spirit and it’s captured quite nicely. Very enjoyable song.

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1134422 - 01/04/18 09:24 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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I remember this from a long time ago. Still sounds great. Thanks for sharing it again, Mac.

Ricki

#1134428 - 01/05/18 01:02 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Hi Mac,

Cool song and really nice production. It's a little bit as if Gerry Rafferty recomposed bit's John Lennon's "I Feel Fine" and "Ticket to Ride" into a completely new context and groove and the end result is rather original and both old and new sounding simultaneously.

I lose the thread of the chord progression on the second line ("she's rollin' away") of each chorus--aka the chord feels a little nebulous there. Now if I pay attention to the vocal "oohs" I know its a minor six chord, but the rest of the band is playing so melodically that I'm thinking if the bass was simply thumping out the minor six chord root note I'd feel I had my bearings better right there. Tiny nit. But I appreciate the daring, baroque pop approach of the music there.

Loved it, great work, Mac!

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1134457 - 01/05/18 11:05 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Dave, thanks for the review sir!

#1134554 - 01/06/18 05:17 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Mike, the lyrics are where I hear tweaks needed also, I always copy and log comments for the future, to go over them when I go to rewrite or rerecord later.

Thanks for the spin.

#1134555 - 01/06/18 05:19 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Kristi, the dog is actually on the porch with the main character smile

Glad it was a carefree vibe, that's what I wanted.

Thanks for the good word!

#1134567 - 01/06/18 08:33 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Hey, Mac,

Glad you rediscovered it and shared. Catchy chorus--fun listen.

Regards,

Deej

#1134589 - 01/07/18 01:08 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Originally Posted by maccharles
Kristi, the dog is actually on the porch with the main character smile

Glad it was a carefree vibe, that's what I wanted.

Thanks for the good word!


Oh, yes he is, isn't he? grin Well, there you go!


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1134594 - 01/07/18 01:35 AM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Mac,

Yeah, now Mackie's back in town! (b-darin)

Good to see you back around Mac--miss you and your music. I loved this!

steady-eddie

#1134644 - 01/07/18 04:01 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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She never looks - but she keeps driving the route. So I hope he keeps trying!

Seriously, this is fabulous. smile

Scott

#1134721 - 01/08/18 09:50 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Ricki, thanks for the spin this second time 'round.

#1134722 - 01/08/18 09:51 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Michael, old and new simultaneously.....good description, thanks for the review.

#1134723 - 01/08/18 09:51 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Deej, thanks for good review.

#1134724 - 01/08/18 10:10 PM Re: Little karmann ghia [Re: maccharles]  
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Eddie!!.....same back at yazz!

I'm helping demo other artists right now but planning on returning to another three years of song a week afterward.


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