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Joined: May 2010
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I have been co-running a songwriting group for three years now and am so excited to have a collaboration with one of our regular members! His lyric was amazing to work with! George will be getting his first taste of JPF and I am happy to introduce him to those who have taught and mentored me. This is our song called "Show Me", George wrote the lyric and I did the melody, singing and recording. SHOW ME on SoundCloudSHOW ME on SoundClickShow Me by George Walden and Tammy Jann © 2017 Show me, don’t tell me I know that talk is cheap paint me a picture Something I can keep Something to hang onto My imaginary wall To look at when I want to The words I won’t recall You don’t have to say you love me We know they’re only words The sweetest things you’ve said Are things I never heard Chorus Show me What you’re thinking of Show me, show me, Show me your love It’s easy to say anything if you read between the lines Words mean so many things And they do so many times Like someone trying to sell me Something at my door show me, don’t tell me I’ve heard it all before Words can be deceiving I want nothing but the truth seeing is believing show my heart the proof Chorus Show me What you’re thinking of Show me, show me, Show me your love Bridge Etch it in my memory Carve it in my heart Initials in the big old tree in your backyard Chorus Show me What you’re thinking of Show me, show me, Show me your love
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Hi Tam, very catchy song song Tam, and I think runs just the right length. ...to me the song is bright and airy, you bring that unique style you have to it. so glad to see you back around..hope all is good in your world Tam.... Lane
and thank you so much for reading me and commenting.
Last edited by lane1777; 11/30/17 12:32 AM.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Hi Tams, Great song. I always thought this key writer's platitude ("show, don't tell") could drive the right kinda sassy song, and here you do that expertly and passionately. My favorite is "etch it in my memory/carve it in my heart." Your recordings sound natural and balanced and full; your singing is always an enjoyable listen.. Well done! Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 11/30/17 01:51 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Hey Tammy,
Very upbeat and innocent lyrics with a happy melody--well done. I really liked the bridge but almost felt on the 3rd line of bridge you could repeat same 1st line melody over again--as that felt anticipated and I really liked that diversion and wanted the same one more time. It happens fast with the tempo, and I don't think lengthening the bridge another line would over state the bridge direction at all--of course JMO. Nice vocal & harmonies Tammy.
Welcome to JPF George, it's always nice to get some new victims.........I mean colleagues!
steady-eddie
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Joined: Nov 2010
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"The sweetest things you've said are things I never heard". That's a good one, Tammy.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Cool lyric, George. Tams,the music is light and breezy enough to suit it perfectly.
If I had to pick at something it would be the chorus. I'm all for simple but it's a little underwhelming. I could almost see the bridge and chorus combined, something like this:
Show me What you’re thinking of Etch it in my memory Carve it in my heart Show me Show me your love Initials in the big old tree in your backyard Show me
Of course that would mean writing a new bridge...just a thought. Nice collab and welcome to JPF, George.
Ricki
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Hi Tammy and George: That was a treat for these ears. You two make a great co-writing team and the "proof of the pudding" is in your product, "Show Me." Loved the lyric, Melody and Vocal. Send more, soon! ----Dave
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Joined: Jun 2010
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Bravo Tammy and George Love the overall vibe of the lyrics and the arrangement.
Tammy, I love the way you work your melodies and your vocals.
Well done and Welcome Goerge
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Tams,
This is a pretty tune, beautifully sung and performed. I always try to think if I can offer up a suggestion here or there on songs I listen to on JPF, but on this one, I've got nothing. Well, well done.
Kindest regards,
Deej
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Some good lines Tams and George Nce song all round and a great idea to help run a songwriting group too. Trsvis
Last edited by Travis david; 12/03/17 04:54 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Hey Tams.......This really is great.......and you are right about the lyrics. Very good. The musical treatment is very good, as well. I especially like the chorus. The harmonizing is great and the vocal effect is stellar ;-) A great song, and one to be most proud of. Great job, Tams......and so nice to hear you again! -Tom
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 498 Likes: 1
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Hi Tammy an George!
I enjoyed this sing a lot. Great concept too! Welcome aboard George!! You're fortunate to be working with Tammy. Such a great singer and devoted writer! I believe I am a member of the fb group that Tammy co-runs. I'll have to look for you both on there. I haven't really seen much in my newsfeed from the group but I had a high frequency group that was dominating my newsfeed. I stopped following it yesterday, so hopefully my other sources will get a chance now.
Great job on the song! Thanks for sharing!
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Hi Tammy,well what a cool song.Nice performance with lots of feeling.You and George have a good one here. Mike
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Joined: May 2015
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Catchy song with some nice vocals.
I particularly liked the chord changes in the middle of the verses - very nice. The harmony on the chorus is a great touch (although a bit pitchy at times).
I wish the guitar had a bit more sparkle on it.
The song is really well suited to a full blown production with drums, bass, etc. if you ever have the time.
Nicely done.
Peace, TC
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Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 219
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Hey Tammy, I really enjoyed this a lot. Great lyrics, and a nice simple production. Beautiful vocals. More like this please!
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Joined: May 2010
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Lane, thanks for stopping in, always happy to see you and everything is as good as it can be considering...LOL! Take care!
Tammy
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Calvin,
Glad you like the "bounce", thanks for stopping by!!
Tammy
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Michael,
Always appreciate your opinion and glad you could enjoy this one.
Tammy
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Eddie,
Thanks for your ideas, I will consider it and glad you gave this a spin and George is enjoying this whole process.
Tammy
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Vic,
I am happy that it makes you happy! That line is George's, he is a fab lyricist if you are ever looking to explore his work, let me know, it is totally worth it!!
Tammy
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Ricki,
Glad you liked it, we will talk about your thoughts on this, appreciate your time and always good to see you!!
Tammy
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Dave,
Wow, a glowing review, I am so pleased you liked it that much, thank you!
Tammy
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Nelson,
I am just thrilled we can hear each other again, thank you for listening friend!!
Tammy
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Deej,
We are so happy that you enjoyed this and i was enjoying your tunes today as well.
Tammy
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Travis,
I will let George know what a great writer you are, he will be so happy you enjoyed the lyric and as always thankful you stop in for a listen!!
Tammy
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Tom,
Glad you liked this one and I am so happy to see you again as well!!!
Tammy
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Paul,
I am so happy you stopped in for a listen and always happy to see you friend!! I co-run a songwriting group in real life!! LOL! George and I actually sit next to one another some times LOL! I have plenty of online friends, but made a move four years ago to meet people face to face. The group meets not too far from my home and is time well spent with local musicians who have become friends!!
Tammy
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Michael L.,
Thanks so much Michael!! I was thrilled to listen to you today, just blew me away and I am glad you enjoyed this!
Tammy
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TC,
Thanks for giving this a listen, and appreciate your observations.
Tammy
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David,
Thank you so much and I appreciate you commenting on SoundCloud, glad you liked it and I enjoyed discovering your songs today as well!!
Tammy
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Very well written song brought to life by some great Tammy magic - enjoyed it very much. And I'm so proud of your 3 years in a song writing group,Tammy. And welcome to JPF, David. Great teamwork.
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Paul,
I am so happy you stopped in for a listen and always happy to see you friend!! I co-run a songwriting group in real life!! LOL! George and I actually sit next to one another some times LOL! I have plenty of online friends, but made a move four years ago to meet people face to face. The group meets not too far from my home and is time well spent with local musicians who have become friends!!
Tammy That's awesome Tammy! I would love to do that!!!! If I lived closer, I'd join you for sure. I am always just holed up in my little think tank first thing every weekend morning. I'm so happy to see you writing and growing. All the best to you and yours, Paul
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Nice song.
One suggestion regarding the lyric..
I would take the 2nd verse somewhere different than the 1st. The sentiment and theme of the 2nd verse seems to repeat that of the 1st without adding. Other than a salesman at the door, most references seem abstracted and derived from familiar language. I'd try to employ somethings that were more tangible and every day to put a listener's life in the sentiment.
Use it or lose it.
Martin
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Pete!
So happy to see you friend! Thanks for giving this a listen and I would like to think I can do magic, even if I can't, it's nice that folks think so and it is easy when the lyrics are so well written!
Tammy
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Paul,
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Martin,
Thanks for the suggestions, something that George could consider for this or another version, glad you stopped by to lend an ear!
Tammy
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The subject of the lyrics is a sentiment that everybody can identify with. I think the song could have a special appeal to various genders and persuasions for multiple reasons. The harmonic structure, form, and melody are accessible and universal enough that it could be adapted to multiple genres - Rock, Pop, Country, Folk, Soul, etc.
Sounds like Ricki has some good ideas on the lyrics. As she alluded to - definitely keep a bridge of some sort in there as a nice turn in the song, even if you develop the chorus a bit more.
I would be very interested to hear this song performed in "straight time" with straight eighth notes instead of the swung ones you strum with on this demo. This is against my nature to recommend this because, as a Jazz musician, I relish a swing/ shuffle feel in music any time I can get it!
Straight eighths would certainly change the "bouncy" feel of the song that Calvin adeptly described. While the song would feel less "coy", I think it could help drive the lyrics and idea behind the song in creating more of a direct, demanding feel to match. In essence, it could help the song make its statement more fully. Maybe move the tempo up a few clicks as well.
Thanks for sharing!
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Good one! though to my ears, the latter half of the verses sound more like a chorus and the chorus feels like a post chorus thing. The latter half of the verses carry more hook than the chorus....does that make any sense? anyhow, you knocked another one down, woot!
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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