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#1133371 12/05/17 08:14 PM
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Sorta loosing my creative mojo lately but here's one I've been tinkering with for awhile.

He's lost his wife and trying to get on with his life.
Not a religious guy but as the pain and loneliness is getting the best of him, he begins to sense something...

Another one for my...... Imaginary Baand_Maan!! smile

In My Dreams

Nelson #1133375 12/05/17 09:04 PM
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Hi Nelson,

This is seriously beautiful!

The composition matches the lyric so well. Going to the major in the hopeful chorus feels totally right. This is as impactful to me as the best Peter Gabriel songs that do that, like "Don't Give Up" and "In Your Eyes" and you have a similarly textured voice and can carry a song like this well with a minimal arrangment.

Your lead vocal performance is very straightforward and moving, The phrasing is stellar. I love how you delay the word "side" in the chorus. I like how you punch out key words in your verse harmonies.

The two classical guitars panned hard left and right are sweetly sad (maybe two very similar guitar parts double tracked in the verses? great sound!), and the bowed stringed intrument is suitably brooding as well.

This is my favorite from you. Great work. smile

Check the master audio file at 1:15..there's a strange popping sound down the middle at 1:15 the doesn't seem to belong to your voice or instruments..it might be an MP3 issue..

Mike


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 12/05/17 09:54 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
Nelson #1133377 12/05/17 09:19 PM
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Hello Mister Nelson,


Thanks, your beautiful vocals are a nice early Christmas present to JPF.
You always make such a pleasant recording.
I'm super jealous.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Nelson #1133381 12/05/17 09:44 PM
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Wow, really nice write, and solid vocal performance. Nice clean production, too.

I really liked this faith based tune. So poignant and not preachy in the least. Your vocals were outstanding.

If you ever decide to spice this up with a little kick, it would be absolutely amazing. A touch of gospel, old school R&B, wish a dash of rock (I can hear it in my head!) - it would be so powerful.

In any case, I really liked this.

Peace,
TC

PS: Mike is right about the 'pop' at 1:15; it almost sounds like someone is clicking their tongue.

Last edited by TC Perkins; 12/05/17 09:46 PM.

If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
Nelson #1133393 12/06/17 05:30 AM
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Hey Nelson.
I just love everything about this.
Beautiful choice of instruments, very fine lyrics, phasing and that layed back, haunting vocal.
The harmonies all add to the experience.

Had to have a second listen.

One for the album.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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Nelson #1133395 12/06/17 09:17 AM
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Hi Nelson:

Creativity goes from sepiatone to technicolor when it is laid down by that pen of yours. Thanks for making my day with this one. You have a multi-faceted talent that makes JPF a brighter, more human place... and I enjoy and appreciate your work. All my best, ----Dave

Nelson #1133396 12/06/17 09:30 AM
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Wonderfully haunting Nelson! Brilliant all round so well done
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski
Hi Nelson,

This is seriously beautiful!

The composition matches the lyric so well. Going to the major in the hopeful chorus feels totally right. This is as impactful to me as the best Peter Gabriel songs that do that, like "Don't Give Up" and "In Your Eyes" and you have a similarly textured voice and can carry a song like this well with a minimal arrangment.

Your lead vocal performance is very straightforward and moving, The phrasing is stellar. I love how you delay the word "side" in the chorus. I like how you punch out key words in your verse harmonies.

The two classical guitars panned hard left and right are sweetly sad (maybe two very similar guitar parts double tracked in the verses? great sound!), and the bowed stringed intrument is suitably brooding as well.

This is my favorite from you. Great work. smile

Check the master audio file at 1:15..there's a strange popping sound down the middle at 1:15 the doesn't seem to belong to your voice or instruments..it might be an MP3 issue..

Mike


Mike.
It is gratifying when folks pick up on the small things, like phrasing, which I feel is so important, especially with minimal arrangements, where every little thing is responsible for so much.

Yea, the guitar is double but instead of copying it I played it twice so there would be some minor differences. In the bridge the variations are a bit more pronounced.

Oh yea, I Clipped the click at 1:15, Thx

Calvin #1133416 12/06/17 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Calvin
Hello Mister Nelson,


Thanks, your beautiful vocals are a nice early Christmas present to JPF.
You always make such a pleasant recording.
I'm super jealous.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Calvin
The thought of someone considering my humble creations a gift…… is indeed a gift to me.

U R 2 Kind my friend

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Nelson Offline OP
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Originally Posted by TC Perkins
Wow, really nice write, and solid vocal performance. Nice clean production, too.

I really liked this faith based tune. So poignant and not preachy in the least. Your vocals were outstanding.

If you ever decide to spice this up with a little kick, it would be absolutely amazing. A touch of gospel, old school R&B, wish a dash of rock (I can hear it in my head!) - it would be so powerful.

In any case, I really liked this.

Peace,
TC

PS: Mike is right about the 'pop' at 1:15; it almost sounds like someone is clicking their tongue.

Thx for swing by TC
Glad you enjoyed it.

I Clipped that click at 1:15, it was on the vocal track. Thx

Nelson #1133420 12/06/17 02:12 PM
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Nelson,

You-d-man! Just love your unique sound that is exclusively you! Well done all around as already mentioned above.

steady-eddie

Nelson #1133423 12/06/17 03:02 PM
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Oh my...you just keep raising the bar and leave the rest of us scrambling to catch up! smile Well done, Nelson. I love it!

Ricki

Vicarn #1133445 12/07/17 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hey Nelson.
I just love everything about this.
Beautiful choice of instruments, very fine lyrics, phasing and that layed back, haunting vocal.
The harmonies all add to the experience.

Had to have a second listen.

One for the album.

Vic

Hey Vic
Always appreciate your pro’s ear.
A second listen, eh? Well, there you go. smile
Thx for swinging by.

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Nelson Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Hi Nelson:

Creativity goes from sepiatone to technicolor when it is laid down by that pen of yours. Thanks for making my day with this one. You have a multi-faceted talent that makes JPF a brighter, more human place... and I enjoy and appreciate your work. All my best, ----Dave


It was my pleasure Dave and to you the same for your kind words. I call such expressions, FEATHERS in my cap, to be called upon when I’m not feeling as good about my work.

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Originally Posted by Travis david
Wonderfully haunting Nelson! Brilliant all round so well done
Travis

Thank you
I appreciate you stopping in, Travis

Nelson #1133484 12/08/17 12:55 AM
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Nelson,

This is fantastic! Hauntingly beautiful from start to finish. Love the accentuating, intermittent harmonies throughout—very, very cool. The lyrics are solid, solid. If this is you losing your mojo, then I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got when you find it again. :-)

One maybe constructive comment (that you should as always feel free to thoroughly ignore): the first line of the second verse seems a little crowded to me; the “eventually” adds a couple of extra syllables that, for me, throws off the smoothness and rhythm of the line. So maybe consider tweaking to delete a syllable or two. It’s a small nit really—I mean, it works fine as is—but vocally it sound a little crunched to me.

Amazing, amazing tune. Loved it!

Best regards,

Deej

Nelson #1133534 12/08/17 10:01 PM
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Love it, so emotional and original, it is you and I want that cd some day friend...........stop trying to hard and just get back to your music...hugs

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




E Swartz #1133564 12/09/17 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
Nelson,

You-d-man! Just love your unique sound that is exclusively you! Well done all around as already mentioned above.

steady-eddie

Yo – Yo - Yo- I B D Man…A?

As always Eddie, appreciate you stopping by.

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Originally Posted by Ricki E. Bellos
Oh my...you just keep raising the bar and leave the rest of us scrambling to catch up! smile Well done, Nelson. I love it!

Ricki

Thx Ricki and speaking of raising the bar.
You and mike are becoming quite the dynamic duo.

Nelson #1133566 12/09/17 01:16 AM
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Your song is very heart felt - it's kind of like tearing a bandage off an old wound - and looking at the damage and the healing and still holding out hope and resolve for recovery. Well sung and produced. best Wishes --Pete

Deej56 #1133639 12/11/17 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Deej56
Nelson,

This is fantastic! Hauntingly beautiful from start to finish. Love the accentuating, intermittent harmonies throughout—very, very cool. The lyrics are solid, solid. If this is you losing your mojo, then I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got when you find it again. :-)

One maybe constructive comment (that you should as always feel free to thoroughly ignore): the first line of the second verse seems a little crowded to me; the “eventually” adds a couple of extra syllables that, for me, throws off the smoothness and rhythm of the line. So maybe consider tweaking to delete a syllable or two. It’s a small nit really—I mean, it works fine as is—but vocally it sound a little crunched to me.

Amazing, amazing tune. Loved it!

Best regards,

Deej

Hey Deej
I hear you on the syllable count in "eventually", but was totally intentional and meant to be a bit off beat.
Sorta like a stutter step in a dance.

I actually recorded the finger picking first and as I was writing the lyrics I found it interesting how the notes and the syllables "eventually bringing down these" dropped in a sort of syncopation and stretching "waaalls of pain" brought it back on track. Just love that stuff and tickled pink that it caught your attention.
Whether as a like or not so much, for me its the catch that counts. smile good ear

I enjoy reading your insights here @ JPF.

I appreciate your time and your supportive words, here in particular.



Nelson #1133679 12/13/17 01:45 PM
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What a beautiful dark song.Fantastic lyrics and the music fits perfectly.Enjoyed the listen,Mr. Nelson. Mike

Nelson #1133681 12/13/17 06:26 PM
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Wonderful song and delivery. Classic Nelson! The arrangement is mighty fine, too. One of my favorite writers and performers comes through again.


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
Nelson #1133769 12/17/17 11:17 AM
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I really enjoyed the listen, Nelson .
Keep up the good work !
All the best
Jan


"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is.
Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."

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Originally Posted by TamsNumber4
Love it, so emotional and original, it is you and I want that cd some day friend...........stop trying to hard and just get back to your music...hugs

Tammy

Thx Tammy
It's always great to get a nod from you .

Nelson #1133910 12/22/17 11:47 AM
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A very sentimental, dramatic song that could bring much solace to those with recently departed. I can see this getting shared on social media with many repeat listens from those who need some help expressing their emotions during a difficult time.

The harmonic variety on the chorus and bridge adds a lot of interest and contrast. I liked the choice of using strings in places. There is also some nice rhythmic variety in the melody on lines like "soul seems to shiver" and "eventually bringing down these walls".

I think that the "be" of "be strong" would be better placed on a weak beat. Otherwise, the words you have on the strong beats sound natural throughout the song. Shortly after, the note choice of singing a G flat on "don't know" over your F chord seems a little out of character for the song.

I also think that the very first line could use some more variety in the melody so that "I’m sitting here surrounded" and "by loving friends and family" have more contrast in same way you did so well on subsequent lines. The rise in the melody notes on "I’ll be your light" was particularly nice.

Thanks for sharing!

PeteG #1133978 12/24/17 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by PeteG
Your song is very heart felt - it's kind of like tearing a bandage off an old wound - and looking at the damage and the healing and still holding out hope and resolve for recovery. Well sung and produced. best Wishes --Pete

Happy Holidays to you Pete.
Appreciate you stopping in for a listen and thrilled that you liked it.

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Originally Posted by Michael LeBlanc
What a beautiful dark song.Fantastic lyrics and the music fits perfectly.Enjoyed the listen,Mr. Nelson. Mike

Bonne journée Monsieur LeBlanc
It's always a pleasure to have you come through.
Hope you're having a wonderful Holiday Season

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Originally Posted by Kevin Emmrich
Wonderful song and delivery. Classic Nelson! The arrangement is mighty fine, too. One of my favorite writers and performers comes through again.

Hey Kevin
Good to hear from you and so glad you liked the song.
U R 2 Kind

Hope you're having a wonderful Holiday Season.

Nelson #1133989 12/25/17 12:09 AM
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Mister Nelson--

A beautiful ballad that pulled me in--with my eyes closed, I could see the timeless story unfold, with sadness of Parlor Music echoing!

It is CLASSIC NELSON!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Mackie

Nelson #1134016 12/26/17 06:32 PM
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Hey Nelson, I don't know how I missed this earlier, but I agree with all that has been said.

This is seriously beautiful!!

Merry Christmas.


David Snyder, Composer, Author
Singer-Songwriter, Producer
Regional Chapter Coordinator, NSAI
www.davidsnydermusic.com
www.reverbnation.com/davidpsnyder
Nelson #1134209 12/31/17 05:14 PM
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Hi Nelson,

Wow, such a poignant story....the hope, the despair, the disbelief and the belief! So gently rendered and performed. It really tugs at the heart. I love the flowing melody and harmonies as they highlight specific sentiments. It's a very moving song, delivered with great emotion.

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Originally Posted by Jan Petter
I really enjoyed the listen, Nelson .
Keep up the good work !
All the best
Jan

Thank you very much for stopping by for a listen, Jan.

Happy New Year, 2 U

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Originally Posted by Maroon_Corey
A very sentimental, dramatic song that could bring much solace to those with recently departed. I can see this getting shared on social media with many repeat listens from those who need some help expressing their emotions during a difficult time.

The harmonic variety on the chorus and bridge adds a lot of interest and contrast. I liked the choice of using strings in places. There is also some nice rhythmic variety in the melody on lines like "soul seems to shiver" and "eventually bringing down these walls".

I think that the "be" of "be strong" would be better placed on a weak beat. Otherwise, the words you have on the strong beats sound natural throughout the song. Shortly after, the note choice of singing a G flat on "don't know" over your F chord seems a little out of character for the song.

I also think that the very first line could use some more variety in the melody so that "I’m sitting here surrounded" and "by loving friends and family" have more contrast in same way you did so well on subsequent lines. The rise in the melody notes on "I’ll be your light" was particularly nice.

Thanks for sharing!

Thank you very much for sharing your insight.
I'm not really a musician so it's always thrilling / educational to hear folks in the know break down what I've done in a piece, in ways I could never.

Thx again and Happy New Year

Mackie H. #1134231 12/31/17 11:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Mackie H.
Mister Nelson--

A beautiful ballad that pulled me in--with my eyes closed, I could see the timeless story unfold, with sadness of Parlor Music echoing!

It is CLASSIC NELSON!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Mackie

Thank You Brother Mackie... hope all is fine
As always Sir.........................U R 2 kind

Happy New Year

Nelson #1134293 01/02/18 12:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Nelson

Thank you very much for sharing your insight.
I'm not really a musician so it's always thrilling / educational to hear folks in the know break down what I've done in a piece, in ways I could never.

Thx again and Happy New Year




You're very welcome, Nelson. And make no mistake, you are "really a musician"! wink If you would ever like a recorded voice memo to demonstrate anything I mentioned above, I'm happy to do so. I imagine you get the gist of most of it, though smile

Happy New Year to you too and keep up the good work!
[Linked Image]

Nelson #1134333 01/03/18 02:51 AM
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I think you are on the right track here

I would suggest you look at some of the musical phrases

And see if you can improve on them ,

More attention applied to The Natural Stress Of Strong and Weak Beats is

something that could improve this song even more

I am still polishing songs I wrote Five or Six years ago, rewriting is the

name of the game, as the competition grows higher everyday

Last edited by Cheyenne; 01/03/18 02:52 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.
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Originally Posted by David Snyder
Hey Nelson, I don't know how I missed this earlier, but I agree with all that has been said.

This is seriously beautiful!!

Merry Christmas.


Not a problem David.

In the ragging sea of talent that is JPF, it's quite easy to miss a ripple. smile

Thanks a bunch for swing by.

Hope you had a wonderful Holiday Season

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Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
Hi Nelson,

Wow, such a poignant story....the hope, the despair, the disbelief and the belief! So gently rendered and performed. It really tugs at the heart. I love the flowing melody and harmonies as they highlight specific sentiments. It's a very moving song, delivered with great emotion.

Kristi

Kristi
Thank you so much for stopping by and for you kind words.

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Originally Posted by Maroon_Corey
Originally Posted by Nelson

Thank you very much for sharing your insight.
I'm not really a musician so it's always thrilling / educational to hear folks in the know break down what I've done in a piece, in ways I could never.

Thx again and Happy New Year




You're very welcome, Nelson. And make no mistake, you are "really a musician"! wink If you would ever like a recorded voice memo to demonstrate anything I mentioned above, I'm happy to do so. I imagine you get the gist of most of it, though smile

Happy New Year to you too and keep up the good work!
[Linked Image]


THX again
I'll keep that in mind.

Nelson #1134643 01/07/18 03:56 PM
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Beautiful ...... and heartbreaking.

Man, that bridge really nails it - more specifically, the dichotomy between the idea of the bridge and the idea of the chorus. Felt that all my life. smile

Nice one, Nelson - great job on the internal rhymes smile

Scott

Cheyenne #1135169 01/18/18 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Cheyenne
I think you are on the right track here

I would suggest you look at some of the musical phrases

And see if you can improve on them ,

More attention applied to The Natural Stress Of Strong and Weak Beats is

something that could improve this song even more

I am still polishing songs I wrote Five or Six years ago, rewriting is the

name of the game, as the competition grows higher everyday


I'll have to look into that. 'stresses and beats"
As for musical phasing... that a bit above my pay grade... I'm just swinging fingers at rhythms that linger

I don't know if I'ld call what I do polishing but I'm in a perpetual state of rewrite.

Success to me is when a song says what I want it to say but after a few years what I want it to say changes then so must the song.
and sometimes what I wrote earlier sucks and now I hear it ...... ergo -- cha...cha...cha...changes.

Appreciate your input Cheyenne

Nelson #1135413 01/23/18 01:02 AM
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Hey Nelson,

Long time. Haven't had much creative time myself lately, but figured I would check out JPF and saw you had a song posted. It was the first I went to because I knew it would be amazing. I wasn't disappointed. It is so good. Literally gave me chills. The vocals were just beautiful and like so many of your songs... so smooth. Your tunes always bring out such emotion. Really loved it. Congrats!

Dave

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Originally Posted by Scott Campbell
Beautiful ...... and heartbreaking.

Man, that bridge really nails it - more specifically, the dichotomy between the idea of the bridge and the idea of the chorus. Felt that all my life. smile

Nice one, Nelson - great job on the internal rhymes smile

Scott

Hey Scott, it's always a pleasure to have you stop in... and not be disappointed.
I'm always excited for a thumbs up from the Professor.

GocartMoz #1135690 01/27/18 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by GocartMoz
Hey Nelson,

Long time. Haven't had much creative time myself lately, but figured I would check out JPF and saw you had a song posted. It was the first I went to because I knew it would be amazing. I wasn't disappointed. It is so good. Literally gave me chills. The vocals were just beautiful and like so many of your songs... so smooth. Your tunes always bring out such emotion. Really loved it. Congrats!

Dave


As always Dave, I appreciate your time and your support.
You're one of the folks I never want to disappoint.

U R 2 Kind

Nelson #1135763 01/29/18 01:35 AM
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Mr. Nelson,

I think this is a beautiful song. I was hearing some female block harmonies on the chorus. I think something like that effect could make it stand out. But the song is all there where you have it now. And it already stands-out.


http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

https://soundcloud.com/#mamby-p

http://www.reverbnation.com/donsechelski

Link for Blackfoot Daisy band


You think I'm just another jive folk singer but I'm a master in the art of criminology..Tom Russell
Nelson #1135994 01/31/18 04:07 PM
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That was beautiful Mr Nelson!
Such a sad and soulful performance and I really like your voice!!
I liked the simple instrumentation, keeping the focus on the lyrics.
Very nice!!!!!

Thanks for sharing,
Paul

Wendy D #1136144 02/02/18 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Wendy D
Mr. Nelson,

I think this is a beautiful song. I was hearing some female block harmonies on the chorus. I think something like that effect could make it stand out. But the song is all there where you have it now. And it already stands-out.


Yeah, I hear U on the harmonies.
Appreciate U stopping in

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Originally Posted by Paul Churchfield
That was beautiful Mr Nelson!
Such a sad and soulful performance and I really like your voice!!
I liked the simple instrumentation, keeping the focus on the lyrics.
Very nice!!!!!

Thanks for sharing,
Paul

Glad you liked it.
Thanks a bunch for your time.

Nelson #1136863 02/12/18 02:21 AM
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This is beautifully written and arranged. The vocal performance is fantastic. I love the way you go up in register on the second chorus - that's a very nice touch. The line "chasing footsteps in the sand" was a pretty cool reference (I think) to the Footprints In The Sand poem - great way to reinforce the line before.

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
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