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#1133777 - 12/17/17 01:24 PM Santa Muerta Station  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,540
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,540
cochise, az, usa
Santa Muerta Station ©2017 Robert George BMI

I remember feeling half asleep
On my first night working here
I guess I was used to working days
Early on in my career
Though Iím not sure why they transferred me
Life is loss and sacrifice
Now Iíve grown accustomed to this job
And it feels like paradise

Someone always greets the passengers
Near their final destination
Strangers often need a friendly guide
At the Santa Muerta Station

We are high up on a mountainside
Where the pine tops kiss the moon
Sheets of grey fog settle over us
Evíry afternoon
Thereís a grove of crosses on a slope
Past the gate behind the church
Ravens watch the midnight train roll in
From a roof top perch

Someone always greets the passengers
Near their final destination
Strangers often need a friendly guide
At the Santa Muerta Station

People laugh and claim how fortunate theyíve been,
How they lived through accidents that theyíd been in
Climbers fall from cliffs and hikers get bit by vipers way down south
They step off the train so happy theyíre alive,
Asking me in whispers how they managed to survive
One poor vet was sure that pistol had been in his mouth

I inform them all they need to know
Tell them this is just a whistlestop
Come the dawn thereíll be a winding walk
To the mansion on the mountaintop
Itís a bit confusing right at first
And itís awkward to explain
I was sure a truck had crushed my Ford
That night I stepped off the train

But someone always greets the passengers
Near their final destination
Strangers often need a friendly guide
At the Santa Muerta Station


Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/19/17 02:35 PM.
#1133832 - 12/19/17 02:04 PM Re: Santa Muerta Station [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Earl Offline
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Earl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Rhode Island
I loved this . . . Very cool concept and portrayal. I just have a couple little things two are in the what I think is the bridge and one is in the second verse. Bridge: First, in the 3rd line, I would suggest using the word bitten instead of bit as it reads a little more clearly. Second, the last line doesn't work for me as a conclusion and seems kind of out of place. To me the 5th line should be the last one and if you moved the "vet" line to follow the 3rd it reads better to me and makes sense and ties it together. The last thing is if you wanted to make the last lines of the verses match better with syllables you could change the last line of the 2nd verse to read: From the roof-top where they perch. Really liked this a lot and would love to hear it and even play it myself!

#1133838 - 12/19/17 04:36 PM Re: Santa Muerta Station [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,540
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,540
cochise, az, usa
Thanks Earl.

I don't have any objection to "bitten" in that line. It should've read "get bit", which I fixed.

The bridge is structured so that lines one and two are vague but line three is more specific. The second half is the same...lines four and five are vague as they set up line six which is even more specific than line three and is the punch line for the bridge while setting up the final verse. It would mess up the symmetry and continuity to rearrange the lines in the bridge.

Thanks again for your comments, Earl. smile

Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/19/17 04:37 PM.
#1137390 - 02/18/18 05:02 PM Re: Santa Muerta Station [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Another well told story I'm very impressed.


Just a writer of words

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