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#1133058 - 11/29/17 11:18 PM Show Me  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
I have been co-running a songwriting group for three years now and am so excited to have a collaboration with one of our regular members! His lyric was amazing to work with! George will be getting his first taste of JPF and I am happy to introduce him to those who have taught and mentored me. This is our song called "Show Me", George wrote the lyric and I did the melody, singing and recording.


SHOW ME on SoundCloud


SHOW ME on SoundClick



Show Me
by George Walden and Tammy Jann
© 2017


Show me, donít tell me
I know that talk is cheap
paint me a picture
Something I can keep
Something to hang onto
My imaginary wall
To look at when I want to
The words I wonít recall
You donít have to say you love me
We know theyíre only words
The sweetest things youíve said
Are things I never heard


Chorus
Show me
What youíre thinking of
Show me, show me,
Show me your love



Itís easy to say anything
if you read between the lines
Words mean so many things
And they do so many times
Like someone trying to sell me
Something at my door
show me, donít tell me
Iíve heard it all before
Words can be deceiving
I want nothing but the truth
seeing is believing
show my heart the proof


Chorus
Show me
What youíre thinking of
Show me, show me,
Show me your love


Bridge
Etch it in my memory
Carve it in my heart
Initials in the big old tree
in your backyard


Chorus
Show me
What youíre thinking of
Show me, show me,
Show me your love


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133065 - 11/30/17 12:31 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,162
lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
Hi Tam, very catchy song song Tam, and I think runs just the right length. ...to me the song is bright and airy, you bring that unique style you have to it. so glad to see you back around..hope all is good in your world Tam.... Lane

and thank you so much for reading me and commenting.

Last edited by lane1777; 11/30/17 12:32 AM.

"Some have a need to chisel in stone, All have a need to be heard" Vincent
#1133072 - 11/30/17 06:02 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Tammy,


oooooh......... very catchy / fresh / bouncy, nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1133085 - 11/30/17 01:49 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Tams,

Great song. I always thought this key writer's platitude ("show, don't tell") could drive the right kinda sassy song, and here you do that expertly and passionately.

My favorite is "etch it in my memory/carve it in my heart."

Your recordings sound natural and balanced and full; your singing is always an enjoyable listen.. smile

Well done!

Mike


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 11/30/17 01:51 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1133094 - 11/30/17 09:14 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,481
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Ohio
Hey Tammy,

Very upbeat and innocent lyrics with a happy melody--well done. I really liked the bridge but almost felt on the 3rd line of bridge you could repeat same 1st line melody over again--as that felt anticipated and I really liked that diversion and wanted the same one more time. It happens fast with the tempo, and I don't think lengthening the bridge another line would over state the bridge direction at all--of course JMO. Nice vocal & harmonies Tammy.

Welcome to JPF George, it's always nice to get some new victims.........I mean colleagues!

steady-eddie

#1133100 - 12/01/17 06:28 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,428
Vicarn Offline
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Vicarn  Offline
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UK
"The sweetest things you've said are things I never heard".
That's a good one, Tammy.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1133110 - 12/01/17 10:30 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Cool lyric, George. Tams,the music is light and breezy enough to suit it perfectly.

If I had to pick at something it would be the chorus. I'm all for simple but it's a little underwhelming. I could almost see the bridge and chorus combined, something like this:

Show me
What youíre thinking of
Etch it in my memory
Carve it in my heart
Show me
Show me your love
Initials in the big old tree
in your backyard
Show me

Of course that would mean writing a new bridge...just a thought. Nice collab and welcome to JPF, George.

Ricki

#1133127 - 12/01/17 04:59 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,618
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Texas
Hi Tammy and George:

That was a treat for these ears. You two make a great co-writing team and the "proof of the pudding" is in your product, "Show Me." Loved the lyric, Melody and Vocal. Send more, soon! ----Dave

#1133128 - 12/01/17 05:15 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Baltimore, MD
Bravo Tammy and George
Love the overall vibe of the lyrics and the arrangement.

Tammy, I love the way you work your melodies and your vocals.

Well done and Welcome Goerge

#1133148 - 12/02/17 12:17 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Tams,

This is a pretty tune, beautifully sung and performed. I always try to think if I can offer up a suggestion here or there on songs I listen to on JPF, but on this one, I've got nothing. Well, well done.

Kindest regards,

Deej

#1133211 - 12/03/17 04:53 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,801
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Some good lines Tams and George
Nce song all round and a great idea to help run a songwriting group too.
Trsvis

Last edited by Travis david; 12/03/17 04:54 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1133228 - 12/03/17 01:47 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 986
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Hey Tams.......This really is great.......and you are right about the lyrics. Very good. The musical treatment is very good, as well. I especially like the chorus. The harmonizing is great and the vocal effect is stellar ;-)
A great song, and one to be most proud of.
Great job, Tams......and so nice to hear you again!
-Tom

#1133271 - 12/04/17 08:51 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 482
Paul Churchfield Offline
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Paul Churchfield  Offline
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Posts: 482
Nashville, TN
Hi Tammy an George!

I enjoyed this sing a lot. Great concept too!
Welcome aboard George!!
You're fortunate to be working with Tammy. Such a great singer and devoted writer!
I believe I am a member of the fb group that Tammy co-runs. I'll have to look for you both on there. I haven't really seen much in my newsfeed from the group but I had a high frequency group that was dominating my newsfeed. I stopped following it yesterday, so hopefully my other sources will get a chance now.

Great job on the song!
Thanks for sharing!

#1133287 - 12/04/17 12:34 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
Hi Tammy,well what a cool song.Nice performance with lots of feeling.You and George have a good one here. Mike

#1133341 - 12/05/17 12:27 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 497
TC Perkins Offline
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TC Perkins  Offline
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Virginia
Catchy song with some nice vocals.

I particularly liked the chord changes in the middle of the verses - very nice. The harmony on the chorus is a great touch (although a bit pitchy at times).

I wish the guitar had a bit more sparkle on it.

The song is really well suited to a full blown production with drums, bass, etc. if you ever have the time.

Nicely done.

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
#1133469 - 12/07/17 09:37 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 219
David Snyder Offline
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David Snyder  Offline
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Posts: 219
North Carolina


Hey Tammy,

I really enjoyed this a lot. Great lyrics, and a nice simple production. Beautiful vocals.

More like this please!

smile


David Snyder, Composer, Author
Singer-Songwriter, Producer
Regional Chapter Coordinator, NSAI
www.davidsnydermusic.com
www.reverbnation.com/davidpsnyder
#1133540 - 12/08/17 10:20 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Lane, thanks for stopping in, always happy to see you and everything is as good as it can be considering...LOL! Take care!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133541 - 12/08/17 10:20 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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Calvin,

Glad you like the "bounce", thanks for stopping by!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133542 - 12/08/17 10:21 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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New Hampshire
Michael,

Always appreciate your opinion and glad you could enjoy this one.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133543 - 12/08/17 10:23 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Eddie,

Thanks for your ideas, I will consider it and glad you gave this a spin and George is enjoying this whole process.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133544 - 12/08/17 10:24 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Vic,

I am happy that it makes you happy! That line is George's, he is a fab lyricist if you are ever looking to explore his work, let me know, it is totally worth it!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133545 - 12/08/17 10:25 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Ricki,

Glad you liked it, we will talk about your thoughts on this, appreciate your time and always good to see you!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133546 - 12/08/17 10:25 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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Dave,

Wow, a glowing review, I am so pleased you liked it that much, thank you!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133547 - 12/08/17 10:26 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Nelson,

I am just thrilled we can hear each other again, thank you for listening friend!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133548 - 12/08/17 10:27 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Deej,

We are so happy that you enjoyed this and i was enjoying your tunes today as well.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133549 - 12/08/17 10:28 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Travis,

I will let George know what a great writer you are, he will be so happy you enjoyed the lyric and as always thankful you stop in for a listen!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133550 - 12/08/17 10:29 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Tom,

Glad you liked this one and I am so happy to see you again as well!!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133551 - 12/08/17 10:31 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Paul,

I am so happy you stopped in for a listen and always happy to see you friend!! I co-run a songwriting group in real life!! LOL! George and I actually sit next to one another some times LOL! I have plenty of online friends, but made a move four years ago to meet people face to face. The group meets not too far from my home and is time well spent with local musicians who have become friends!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133552 - 12/08/17 10:32 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
Michael L.,

Thanks so much Michael!! I was thrilled to listen to you today, just blew me away and I am glad you enjoyed this!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133553 - 12/08/17 10:33 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
TC,

Thanks for giving this a listen, and appreciate your observations.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133554 - 12/08/17 10:34 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
David,

Thank you so much and I appreciate you commenting on SoundCloud, glad you liked it and I enjoyed discovering your songs today as well!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133568 - 12/09/17 03:12 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,242
PeteG Offline
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PeteG  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,242
Portland, Oregon
Very well written song brought to life by some great Tammy magic - enjoyed it very much. And I'm so proud of your 3 years in a song writing group,Tammy. And welcome to JPF, David. Great teamwork.

#1133574 - 12/09/17 10:36 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 482
Paul Churchfield Offline
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Paul Churchfield  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 482
Nashville, TN
Originally Posted by TamsNumber4
Paul,

I am so happy you stopped in for a listen and always happy to see you friend!! I co-run a songwriting group in real life!! LOL! George and I actually sit next to one another some times LOL! I have plenty of online friends, but made a move four years ago to meet people face to face. The group meets not too far from my home and is time well spent with local musicians who have become friends!!

Tammy

That's awesome Tammy!
I would love to do that!!!!
If I lived closer, I'd join you for sure.
I am always just holed up in my little think tank first thing every weekend morning.
I'm so happy to see you writing and growing.
All the best to you and yours, Paul

#1133580 - 12/09/17 11:27 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,862
Martin Lide Offline
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Martin Lide  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,862
Houston, Texas
Nice song.

One suggestion regarding the lyric..

I would take the 2nd verse somewhere different than the 1st. The sentiment and theme of the 2nd verse seems to repeat that of the 1st without adding. Other than a salesman at the door, most references seem abstracted and derived from familiar language. I'd try to employ somethings that were more tangible and every day to put a listener's life in the sentiment.

Use it or lose it.

Martin

#1133864 - 12/20/17 10:38 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
Pete!

So happy to see you friend! Thanks for giving this a listen and I would like to think I can do magic, even if I can't, it's nice that folks think so and it is easy when the lyrics are so well written!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133865 - 12/20/17 10:39 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
Paul,

smile


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133866 - 12/20/17 10:40 PM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,099
New Hampshire
Martin,

Thanks for the suggestions, something that George could consider for this or another version, glad you stopped by to lend an ear!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1133906 - 12/22/17 10:44 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 78
Maroon_Corey Offline
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Maroon_Corey  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 78
Richmond, VA
The subject of the lyrics is a sentiment that everybody can identify with. I think the song could have a special appeal to various genders and persuasions for multiple reasons. The harmonic structure, form, and melody are accessible and universal enough that it could be adapted to multiple genres - Rock, Pop, Country, Folk, Soul, etc.

Sounds like Ricki has some good ideas on the lyrics. As she alluded to - definitely keep a bridge of some sort in there as a nice turn in the song, even if you develop the chorus a bit more.

I would be very interested to hear this song performed in "straight time" with straight eighth notes instead of the swung ones you strum with on this demo. This is against my nature to recommend this because, as a Jazz musician, I relish a swing/ shuffle feel in music any time I can get it!

Straight eighths would certainly change the "bouncy" feel of the song that Calvin adeptly described. While the song would feel less "coy", I think it could help drive the lyrics and idea behind the song in creating more of a direct, demanding feel to match. In essence, it could help the song make its statement more fully. Maybe move the tempo up a few clicks as well.

Thanks for sharing!

#1133947 - 12/23/17 11:23 AM Re: Show Me [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Mar 2009
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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Posts: 1,988
Good one! though to my ears, the latter half of the verses sound more like a chorus and the chorus feels like a post chorus thing. The latter half of the verses carry more hook than the chorus....does that make any sense? anyhow, you knocked another one down, woot!


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