Who's Online Now
25 registered members (couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Fdemetrio, Douglas Murphy, Bobby Wayne, 9ne, Deej56, Colin Ward, 5 invisible), and 308 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Tom Franz
Tom Franz
Northern California
Posts: 1,452
Joined: September 2004
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Come and Bring Constance
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/22/18 06:39 PM
Throw Another Brick On Me
by Fdemetrio. 07/22/18 06:35 PM
Our Song
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:50 PM
Miracle Pill
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:45 PM
One More Chance
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:40 PM
In My Blood
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:38 PM
Can't Love No-One But Her
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:28 PM
Turning 60
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:23 PM
Rocked to the Bone. ( Rewrite)
by Travis david. 07/22/18 01:43 PM
The Biggest Damn Baby In The World
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/22/18 01:29 PM
XTC this is pop...
by Fdemetrio. 07/22/18 11:33 AM
Smoke And Mirrors
by floyd jane. 07/22/18 09:14 AM
Please "like" my photo - Colin
by Colin Ward. 07/22/18 08:31 AM
New CD from Colin's band, Rosewood Creek
by niteshift. 07/21/18 11:30 PM
My Name Is Death
by E Swartz. 07/21/18 10:28 PM
Hometown Refugee
by E Swartz. 07/21/18 10:17 PM
So Where Does Your Song Rank On Ourstage?
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/20/18 06:54 PM
How To Cover A Dylan Song
by Sue Rarick. 07/20/18 12:06 PM
Stock Footage
by Sue Rarick. 07/20/18 12:02 PM
Wounds that Time Won't Heal
by Travis david. 07/20/18 05:45 AM
Five Hundred Miles [Cover]
by Douglas Murphy. 07/19/18 07:17 PM
I Can't Stand Still
by 9ne. 07/19/18 03:14 PM
top ten songwriters of the last fifty years.
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 01:21 PM
Race to the Bottom
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/19/18 12:40 PM
Been on My Mind Too Long
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:58 AM
Yes I really do care
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:56 AM
Grace, Healing, Wonder and Love
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:52 AM
Chatham NYer Just won GRAND PRIZE on OurStage!
by winfilm. 07/19/18 09:07 AM
Letters From Alcatraz
by couchgrouch. 07/18/18 07:42 PM
I Remember Autumn
by Douglas Murphy. 07/18/18 07:22 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,524
Travis david 10,937
Kevin Emmrich 10,539
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,835
glynda 8,574
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,894
Corey 7,357
couchgrouch 7,327
Dave Rice 6,743
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,434
Joe Wrabek 6,402
ben willis 6,092
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Vicarn 5,690
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,391
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,618
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,365
Bob Cushing 4,351
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,029
Roy Cooper 3,999
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,782
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
beechnut79 3,391
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
E Swartz 3,138
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,885
Harriet Ames 2,869
Nigel Quin 2,806
MidniteBob 2,706
Nelson 2,562
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,182
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,949
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
maccharles 1,859
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,626
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,577
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Janice & Bud 1,464
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,452
Ralph Blight 1,440
Chuck Crowe 1,435
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
GocartMoz 1,341
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,085
Gerry 1,084
joro 1,077
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
lane1777 1,015
Martin Lide 1,006
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 930
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
tbryson 737
Andy K 734
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 722
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
9ne 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Deej56 655
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Irwin 589
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 565
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
Moosesong 530
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Fdemetrio 496
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 463
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Alek 352
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
markus-ky 280
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1133380 - 12/05/17 09:42 PM Long Way Down  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Nicholaus Billings Offline
Nicholaus Billings  Offline

Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Maine
Just starting to post again after a loooong absence. This is a new one I recently finished. Thoughts?

Long Way Down

(V1)
Iíve never felt so on my own.
Even though Iíve always walked this road all alone.
Canít you hear my calls, Iím losing air.
Iím reaching out but there's no one there.

(V2)
Iíve never seen a darker night.
And Iíve always lived between whatís wrong and right.
Canít you see, Iím losing ground.
Iím reaching out but thereís no one around.

(Chorus)
No oneís around
Who will hear my cries.
No oneís around,
So Iíll say good bye.
No oneís around,
Still I bleed my soul.
No oneís around,
On my long way down.

(V3)
I never think before I act.
And I always find myself drown by the past,
start to fall, canít make a sound,
Iím reaching out but thereís no one around.

(Chorus)
No oneís around
Who will hear my cries.
No oneís around,
So Iíll say goodbye.
No oneís around,
Still I bleed my soul.
No oneís aroundÖ

(Bridge)
And even when I canít escape the voices in my head,
or crowded rooms within these walls, I retreat instead.
ĎCause whatís the use in tryiní when they just canít break it down?
Ainít no point in reachiní out when thereís no one around.

(Chorus)
Oh, no oneís around,
Who will hear my cries.
No oneís around,
So now Iíll say goodbye.
No oneís around,
As I bleed my soul.
No oneís around,
On my long way down.

(Tag)
Yeah no oneís around,
On that long way down.

Lyrics by Nicholaus Billings (c) 2017

Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/07/17 12:30 PM.

If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb
#1133408 - 12/06/17 11:44 AM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,391
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,391
Villa Park IL
I interpret this as a classic example of Hank Williams redux. Don't know if this is what you intended but not a bad idea if it is. We could use a classic country sound revival about now.

#1133425 - 12/06/17 03:26 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Earl Offline
Serious Contributor
Earl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Rhode Island
I like this a lot. Just a couple of things to think about. . .

I would change the "Can't" at the beginning of the lines to "Can"

I would also change the "I'll" in the chorus to "I" to match the grammatical tense you've set up. The line "When (I will) say goodbye" doesn't fit for me for some reason. If you could explain that choice it may make sense.

#1133430 - 12/06/17 05:08 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Nicholaus Billings Offline
Nicholaus Billings  Offline

Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Maine
Beechnut
Thank you for checking this out...I agree we need a classic country revival. Most of my influences are from that era. Thanks again smile
Nick


If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb
#1133431 - 12/06/17 05:13 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Earl]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Nicholaus Billings Offline
Nicholaus Billings  Offline

Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Maine
Earl
Thank you for your insight. As far as changing canít to can, I felt it sounded like more of a plea as opposed to just a question, which is what I was shooting for... thoughts?
As far as the ďiíllĒ in the chorus, Iím not married to it...ĒIĒworks just as well. Doesnít change the meaning for me...except in the last chorus...I want the last chorus to be more in the moment, happening at the moment...thoughts?
I hope that make sense...
Thank you for your insight...man have I missed this place...
Nick

Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/06/17 07:00 PM.

If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb
#1133436 - 12/06/17 10:24 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,690
Vicarn Online content
Top 50 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,690
UK
Nicholaus, welcome to this mess of opinion.
First of all I think you have soul.
Secondly I don't think the whinging appeal works unless people know you and what you've been through.
"No one's around to hear my cries" is a call anyone could make.
If you can find a way round this, you'll be away.

Best wishes
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1133440 - 12/07/17 11:04 AM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Nicholaus Billings Offline
Nicholaus Billings  Offline

Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Maine
Vic
Thanks for stopping by. You bring up a good point...thanks for the input. I hope this is finding you well smile
Nick


If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb
#1133441 - 12/07/17 11:36 AM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Earl Offline
Serious Contributor
Earl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Rhode Island
Hey Nick. . . . I think I got what you were shooting for with the "Can't", but I guess maybe it is just a matter of taste so that is all I got on that. To me using "Can" sounds more like the plea/prayer that this sounds like to me. To Vic's point about the first couple of lines of the refrain/chorus, how about a change to:
No one's around.
Who will hear my cries.
No one's around.
So (now/I'll) say goodbye.
No one's around.
I still bleed my soul.
No one's around.
On (my/that) long way down.

The "I'll" will work with this . . .

#1133443 - 12/07/17 12:20 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Nicholaus Billings Offline
Nicholaus Billings  Offline

Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
Maine
Earl
I like these changes...they can be made pretty easily with out losing the flow for me. Thanks smile

*changes made...better?

Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/07/17 12:31 PM.

If you give them the tools, you give them a chance.
ngb
#1133451 - 12/07/17 02:12 PM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Earl Offline
Serious Contributor
Earl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Rhode Island
You're welcome Nick . . . I'm glad that I could help in a positive way.

#1133488 - 12/08/17 01:11 AM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 655
Deej56 Online content
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 655
Hi, Nick,

This pretty much works for me as you've originally posted it. I don't disagree with the helpful comments you've received above, and sure, every lyric can use some tweaking. But to me, this is strong start, and I'd like to hear this one along with music before offering up suggestions on how to tweak the lyrics. I can see them working pretty well as is with the right sound behind them, IMHO.

All the best,

Deej

#1133573 - 12/09/17 07:12 AM Re: Long Way Down [Re: Nicholaus Billings]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,937
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,937
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I think it needs a measure of hope maybe Nicholaus.
It's quite a dark lyric well written but as Vic commented he's a whinger
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Nevaye222, Adam_of_the_Universe, Carakus, winfilm, Liburan_Lombok
21060 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,160
Posts1,113,429
Members21,060
Average Posts Daily29
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"The worth of your career to others is directly proportionate to the amount of importance you put into making contacts, nurturing leads and building real interpersonal relationships with those you hope will help you." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
andrew keats (23), krazyjeg82 (36)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0