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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2005
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Just starting to post again after a loooong absence. This is a new one I recently finished. Thoughts?
Long Way Down
(V1) I’ve never felt so on my own. Even though I’ve always walked this road all alone. Can’t you hear my calls, I’m losing air. I’m reaching out but there's no one there.
(V2) I’ve never seen a darker night. And I’ve always lived between what’s wrong and right. Can’t you see, I’m losing ground. I’m reaching out but there’s no one around.
(Chorus) No one’s around Who will hear my cries. No one’s around, So I’ll say good bye. No one’s around, Still I bleed my soul. No one’s around, On my long way down.
(V3) I never think before I act. And I always find myself drown by the past, start to fall, can’t make a sound, I’m reaching out but there’s no one around.
(Chorus) No one’s around Who will hear my cries. No one’s around, So I’ll say goodbye. No one’s around, Still I bleed my soul. No one’s around…
(Bridge) And even when I can’t escape the voices in my head, or crowded rooms within these walls, I retreat instead. ‘Cause what’s the use in tryin’ when they just can’t break it down? Ain’t no point in reachin’ out when there’s no one around.
(Chorus) Oh, no one’s around, Who will hear my cries. No one’s around, So now I’ll say goodbye. No one’s around, As I bleed my soul. No one’s around, On my long way down.
(Tag) Yeah no one’s around, On that long way down.
Lyrics by Nicholaus Billings (c) 2017
Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/07/17 12:30 PM.
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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I interpret this as a classic example of Hank Williams redux. Don't know if this is what you intended but not a bad idea if it is. We could use a classic country sound revival about now.
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Joined: Dec 2008
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I like this a lot. Just a couple of things to think about. . .
I would change the "Can't" at the beginning of the lines to "Can"
I would also change the "I'll" in the chorus to "I" to match the grammatical tense you've set up. The line "When (I will) say goodbye" doesn't fit for me for some reason. If you could explain that choice it may make sense.
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Beechnut Thank you for checking this out...I agree we need a classic country revival. Most of my influences are from that era. Thanks again Nick
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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Earl Thank you for your insight. As far as changing can’t to can, I felt it sounded like more of a plea as opposed to just a question, which is what I was shooting for... thoughts? As far as the “i’ll” in the chorus, I’m not married to it...”I”works just as well. Doesn’t change the meaning for me...except in the last chorus...I want the last chorus to be more in the moment, happening at the moment...thoughts? I hope that make sense... Thank you for your insight...man have I missed this place... Nick
Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/06/17 07:00 PM.
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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Nicholaus, welcome to this mess of opinion. First of all I think you have soul. Secondly I don't think the whinging appeal works unless people know you and what you've been through. "No one's around to hear my cries" is a call anyone could make. If you can find a way round this, you'll be away.
Best wishes Vic
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Vic Thanks for stopping by. You bring up a good point...thanks for the input. I hope this is finding you well Nick
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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Hey Nick. . . . I think I got what you were shooting for with the "Can't", but I guess maybe it is just a matter of taste so that is all I got on that. To me using "Can" sounds more like the plea/prayer that this sounds like to me. To Vic's point about the first couple of lines of the refrain/chorus, how about a change to: No one's around. Who will hear my cries. No one's around. So (now/I'll) say goodbye. No one's around. I still bleed my soul. No one's around. On (my/that) long way down.
The "I'll" will work with this . . .
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Earl I like these changes...they can be made pretty easily with out losing the flow for me. Thanks *changes made...better?
Last edited by Nicholaus Billings; 12/07/17 12:31 PM.
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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You're welcome Nick . . . I'm glad that I could help in a positive way.
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Hi, Nick,
This pretty much works for me as you've originally posted it. I don't disagree with the helpful comments you've received above, and sure, every lyric can use some tweaking. But to me, this is strong start, and I'd like to hear this one along with music before offering up suggestions on how to tweak the lyrics. I can see them working pretty well as is with the right sound behind them, IMHO.
All the best,
Deej
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I think it needs a measure of hope maybe Nicholaus. It's quite a dark lyric well written but as Vic commented he's a whinger Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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