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#1132235 - 11/08/17 11:28 AM My Water-Coloured View  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
My Water-Coloured View (Neil Cotton)

I look at the photos in our famíly album
Some make me smile like my Spaniel Chum
Some make me cry thinkiní how mom died
Through laughter and tears I see a full life

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view

Two colours remind me of my cute sister Sue
In her cheering days wearing yellow and blue
Red fills up my eyes when I see uncle Gil
He stole dadís cash to pay a gambling bill

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view

My famílyís a spectrum
Raw & real emotions
We sob when weíre grieving
We weep celebratin'

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view
Lifeís memories through
My water coloured view
_________________________________

I look at the photos in our famíly album
Some make me smile like my ol' Spaniel Chum
Some make me cry thinkiní how mom died
Through laughter and tears I see a full life

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
I see great years through
My water coloured view
I love all of these through
My water coloured view

Two colours remind me of my cute sister Sue
In her cheering days wearing yellow and blue
Red stands for anger when I see my only uncle
He stole dadís cash lost it all when he gambled

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
I see great years through
My water coloured view
I love all of these through
My water coloured view

Life is a spectrum of
Uncontrolled emotions
We sob when weíre grieving
Weep at celebrations

Light through the tears
Makes a rainbow of hues
I see great years through
My water coloured view
I love all of these through
My water coloured view

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/10/17 01:03 PM.

http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1132236 - 11/08/17 12:51 PM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Posts: 3,098
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Sebring, Florida USA
LOVE IT NEIL !!

#1132237 - 11/08/17 02:05 PM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Thanks Barry, you're too easy LOL

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/08/17 02:05 PM.

http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1132243 - 11/08/17 03:47 PM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Travis david Online content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Makings of a good sentimental tear jerker


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1132244 - 11/08/17 03:47 PM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Bwhahaha tear jerker , get it.


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1132260 - 11/09/17 02:46 AM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 556
Neil,

I really like the chorus on this song, and the "my watered colour view" refrain. Just two small suggestions for you to consider for whatever they may be worth.

First, I'm wondering if you can be more specific in the penultimate line of the chorus ("I love all these through"); maybe sub the "these" for something that more particularly ties that line to the subject of the preceding verse. It's just a thought, and not sure it makes sense.

Second, I'm not sure the last two lines of the second verse fit the mood of the song (which is always tough to judge just reading it). It overall appears to be a sentimental and affectionate tune; but the dishonest uncle seems a contrary image--i.e., how would that be part of the "great years" or something the singer would "love". I'd suggest staying with positive memories in the verses. Again, just my thoughts . . . hope they are helpful, and if not, please humbly disregard.

All the best,

Deej

#1132264 - 11/09/17 08:52 AM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Originally Posted by Deej56
Neil,

I really like the chorus on this song, and the "my watered colour view" refrain. Just two small suggestions for you to consider for whatever they may be worth.

First, I'm wondering if you can be more specific in the penultimate line of the chorus ("I love all these through"); maybe sub the "these" for something that more particularly ties that line to the subject of the preceding verse. It's just a thought, and not sure it makes sense.

Second, I'm not sure the last two lines of the second verse fit the mood of the song (which is always tough to judge just reading it). It overall appears to be a sentimental and affectionate tune; but the dishonest uncle seems a contrary image--i.e., how would that be part of the "great years" or something the singer would "love". I'd suggest staying with positive memories in the verses. Again, just my thoughts . . . hope they are helpful, and if not, please humbly disregard.

All the best,

Deej


Your comments are helpful...
"these" was used as a general reference to the photos and memories...maybe memories would be better...will look at this again.
The Uncle is another tearful moment...maybe a tears of joy moment would be better...thanks again

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/09/17 08:55 AM.

http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1132314 - 11/10/17 01:03 PM Re: My Water-Coloured View [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,332
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Posts: 4,332
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
bump with revisions


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil

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