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#1131130 - 09/30/17 02:31 AM Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo  
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Travis david Online content
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https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13636638

A song composed by Canadian based Mimmo/vocal and myself
The song was initially written for a female
Travis


Who's Going to Hold me When I cry? 

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, in some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131139 - 09/30/17 09:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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good performance...the song may work as a theatre piece

#1131141 - 09/30/17 10:17 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Definitely not country!
Yes we had it as a MOR or as you said Neil theatre.
Thanks for your ears
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131144 - 09/30/17 11:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Hi Travis and Mimmo.
Pretty tune you have here.

Just a couple of suggs uol:

V1 says "IF you should go" indefinite.
V2 conflicts with that and says "for eternity YOU'D go" definite.

Also not sure repeating "I cry" works. Maybe better to say "When I cry" or not repeat at all.
Not sure if the "ohs" at the end work either. That could be just my personal preference though.

Overall though it works.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
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#1131145 - 09/30/17 12:32 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Cheers Vic.personally I'm with you on the CRY. MIMMO thought it more dramatic i though the song would work with less drama.
I rather like the ooohs lol
The lyric can be altered it isn't exactly as posted anyway as it was aimed at a female vocalist in mind
Thanks for your listen and help


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131149 - 09/30/17 02:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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really like the vocal in this Travis, good Music and lyric. just a note let you know I stopped and gave this a listen. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1131151 - 09/30/17 03:42 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: lane1777]  
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Thanks once again for your support Lane
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131157 - 10/01/17 07:27 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Hey guys!

I really enjoyed this and as mentioned, a theatrical vibe song - it just feels like a scene solo in a musical--but I dig that, and it definitely has a vintage pop sound for me.

My only small nit with prosody is tiny......I think losing the contraction and saying ""who is" would help that lyric flow, though subtle, in the vs. end lines-- emphasizing the "who" but shorter than "who-oo's." Just my preference, not imperative by any means. I'm with Vic on the "cry" repeat, however, I think if when repeating it, you sing it down a step or so, it will sound more "resolving" and give you the drama in which you spoke of by keeping it.

Is that you singing Travis? Nice voice!

steady-eddie.

#1131161 - 10/02/17 05:42 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Ed
Thanks once again for your help.
I'm with you and Vic on the CRY line and intend to try to get another take.
Not not my voice Ed.
I'm not gifted enough to carry any tune
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131165 - 10/02/17 09:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Travis:

I'm doing my best to share my thoughts and Windows 10 keeps interfering. First, since it was written with a female vocalist in mind, I thought Mimmo did a great job with the vocal... but I'd love to hear a great female vocalist do this one for you. Theatrical genre... yeah... but could be much more depending on the arrangement.
Enjoyed my listen and as always, your lyric is the backbone of this work. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

#1131184 - 10/02/17 11:48 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Dave for your comments and listen. Much appreciated
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 10/02/17 11:49 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131250 - 10/06/17 07:47 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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enjoyed this collab, Travis. "Works for me."

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1131284 - 10/07/17 06:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Nice work guys.


Good lyrics and a STRONG vocal too.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1131301 - 10/08/17 12:12 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Calvin
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131464 - 10/16/17 02:09 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Travis,

I like the singer and the lyric. The arrangement feels like a long intro until about the two minute mark, and I got a little restless for the drums and bass to kick in..I'd either go all the way theatre piece and create a really dynamic piano arrangement and go either just piano and vocal, or go full band with the drums and bass kicking in at the start of V2 at the latest. Just my humble two-cents. smile

Also, Mimmo sings "live" like "leave" and it was making it hard to understand the meaning of the words without reading them.

All in all really nice song and performance and write. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1131468 - 10/17/17 04:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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A theatre piece for sure. smile Mimmo has a lovely voice (though, as you say, this was originally written for a female vocalist).
Nice change-up into the bridge. (I'm with the others regarding the repetition of 'I cry'.)

A couple of lyrical suggestions below, just in case you were planning to make any changes for a female vocalist. Keep or sweep, of course. smile

Donna

Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Title could be tighter. If you adjust line 4 in each verse, the title could simply be 'Who'd Be There to Hold Me'.

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? The tense needs to change here, as it's not consistent with the preceding lines where you use the conditional (if…would), and the singer is describing a hypothetical situation. Use of the future tense in line 4 indicates that the person is definitely leaving, which is not the case.
I suggest something like 'And who'd be there to hold me when I cry?'.


v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? Suggest same change as above. Tense needs to be the same as in the previous lines.

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bear to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, with some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried? OK. The tense is half correct here. wink Suggest 'Would he hold me like you do when I cry'.


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend

Guild of International Songwriters and Composers


#1131552 - 10/21/17 04:03 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Michael and Donna.
The points raised will be addressed for another take.
Donna the full title is all important I think. The shortened version I feel would make it just another song.
I try and in fact have my dusty rusty brain powered up for unique hooks- often failing miserably
Cheers and thank you both
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1144410 - 09/02/18 01:20 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Guys....Was just listening to the mix we had on here, I guess John never posted the new version.

https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/w-igoing-to-holdcals-guitarmar27


Lyrics: John Vaughan
Vocals: Dom Mercurio
Guitars: Mark A. Shrider
Flute: Daniel J. Moore
Guitar :Cal DiFalco
Gary Miller: Piano, Strings Flute and Tremolo Strings (From midi)
Andy Gupta: Guitar,Bass, Drums and French Horn in the ending
Rest of instruments and Mix Master done by Dom Mercurio

Who is Going to Hold me When I cry?

Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who is going to hold me when... I cry?

They say that time will heal all wounds, but it moves so slow,
one minute you are here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who is going to hold me when... I cry?

Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch my self to see... it is all real
Keep to myself these foolish fears
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I would go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Will you find new love, in some other guy?
Would he hold you like I did when... you cried?

(c) John Vaughan/Travis David

Last edited by Mimmo; 09/02/18 01:22 PM.
#1144443 - 09/04/18 03:16 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2018
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Travis

What a sophisticated arrangement you have here! Lots of skilled musicians brought to bear. I agree it feels like a song from a Broadway musical.

#1144478 - 09/06/18 11:58 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: mikegouthro]  
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Mimmo Offline
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Originally Posted by mikegouthro
Travis

What a sophisticated arrangement you have here! Lots of skilled musicians brought to bear. I agree it feels like a song from a Broadway musical.


Thank you Mike for your comment.
Mimmo

#1144497 - 09/07/18 02:07 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Wow! This arrangement gives a whole new meaning to the word "lush." It holds nothing back. I love that. It has a real dramatic European feel to it - Italian? It also has a 1960s feeling (in a good way). I see a video that is all unbuttoned shirt, gold medallion and smoldering looks directly into the camera. Maybe on a rocky beach smile

Some of the 1960s feel might come from the background hiss in my headphones that made me think I was listening to a vinyl record. Was that deliberate?

Great vocal performance too!

By the way, SoundCloud lets you change the tittle to just the song name. I noticed you had the whole file name there, which was too long to fit.

#1144505 - 09/07/18 05:59 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Gavin
Thank you so much for listening to the song and for your comments.
I don't think I was looking for the European sound for it, if that's what it is, probably just happened.
When I read the lyrics a big orchestra came to mind and slowly it became what it is now. I did have help by some great musicians too.

I was born in Italy, but live in Canada, I've been here for a long time.
I'm not sure about the hiss you hear, if there is, was not intentionally. I've listened to a few different files, I'm not sure I hear it.

Thanks for the tip about Sounclowd...I did edit the file...But it's still too long

Regards
Mimmo


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"Defeatist Pessimists and Rose Colored Glasses Optimists are lonely companions, victims even. Both ideologies imply predestined outcomes, and therefore breed inactivity in its victims. Inaction is the only sure way to lose at anything in life. All positive action guarantees at least a fighting chance." -Brian Austin Whitney
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