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#1131166 - 10/02/17 09:59 AM HAIKU SONG. work in progress  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
LunaSimone Offline
Casual Observer
LunaSimone  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
©luna simone

VERSES SET ONE
driving fast
on a road
keeping solitude

you hitchhiked
now your new
bicycle had broke

recycle
broken ring
crashing in the night

cuz you know
you and i
can last one more fight

BRIDGE
we don't need
hybrid cars
just to make our mark

we just need
compassion
driving force of love

CHORUS
and if i
i could fly
i would be a dove

come what may
come what might
come with push and shove

VERSES SET TWO
i came home
late one night
wishing i could sleep

you catch train
don't come back
what is there to keep

what is there
left to know
when your love has gone?

(rep. bridge and chorus)

THIRD SET
what is there
left to know
when your love has gone?

inspired view
from a few
hymns and hard rock songs

you don't know
much difference
from what those mean

they're the same
it's because
no difference is seen

i have learned
much from hate
hate and love and strength

but one thing
still remains
learning has no length

(anthemic vocal and instrumental break)

(repeat chorus first)

so i close
this one song
with a simple thought

live so free
that you thing
nothing of.....your thoughts.

#1131167 - 10/02/17 10:03 AM Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
LunaSimone Offline
Casual Observer
LunaSimone  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
noticed a glitch in the haiku
inspired view
from a few
hymns and hard rock songs.

more like:
inspired view
from a few
hymns and rebel songs.

works a little better wink caught myself

#1131168 - 10/02/17 10:18 AM Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,045
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,045
Louisiana
hey!Nice writing.I used to write Haiku a few years back and i also set some to music.Maybe i need to put it back up on my soundclick site.You surely don't see it here much but then again it's a poetry thing and not a song i guess.I do like the Haiku that connected to nature the best. Mike

#1131182 - 10/02/17 07:25 PM Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
LunaSimone Offline
Casual Observer
LunaSimone  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
Actually I am turning it into a song, and thanks for the recognition! Eventually I will put some vocals to this, just not right now.
Here are some YouTube links from some modern rock female-fronted bands that kind of sound like their beats/melodies/melodic vibes may work well with this piece. You may have to open up your parameters here as quite a few of them turn up the volume and are pretty hard rocking:

Flyleaf "Supernatural"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq09D7FqYT4

Tonight Alive "Amelia"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9LKbWlrx10

#1131224 - 10/05/17 07:28 AM Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 607
9ne Online content
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 607
N.E. of Toronto
I admire your creativity. One thing that's difficult without using rhyme schemes is for others to remember and better relate to the subject.
Kudos for trying new things!
-Mike

#1131226 - 10/05/17 09:51 AM Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,261
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,261
Villa Park IL
A little bit different from the ordinary but if it works for you more power to you. I don't believe I have ever really heard of Haiku. What can be hard could be that, if you are looking for any commercial success, the balance you seek between what you feel and what will work commercially can be found within yourself. Only you can decide what kind of audience you may be seeking to reach. I myself have tended not to focus on commercialism too much even though I do have the dream of one or more of my writings being successful. Peace.


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