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#1130960 - 09/23/17 04:30 PM Am I Getting Too Close  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
cochise, az, usa
Am I Getting Too Close ©2017 Robert George BMI

Well, you’re eyes are dark sapphires
And your skin is smoother than a pearl
Night is breathing with desire
But you’ve always been a cautious girl

There’s an old lighthouse’s silhouette
On the cliff side up the coast
High tide’s licking at our feet,
And the air is salty sweet
So tell me now
Have I gone too far somehow
O am I getting too close

I can tell that you are thinking
Love is just a reckless game of chance
But tonight the stars are winking
As if they are daring us to dance

There’s a shroud of mist upon the shore
And the full moon is a lonely ghost
So I take your trembling hand,
And we sway upon the sand
So tell me now
Have I gone too far somehow
O am I getting too close
Am I getting too close

Girl, unless our love is built upon eternity
It will soon become a castle washed into the sea

So we sit beside the ocean
Whispering about our dreams and plans
And we feel the water’s motion
Till our whispers turn into a dance

It’s as if the night has always known
To be needed’s what we want the most
So I’ll kiss your soft, wet skin,
And I’ll touch the soul within
But tell me now
Have I gone too far somehow
O am I getting too close

Am I getting too close
Am I getting too close…to your heart…


#1131128 - 09/30/17 02:16 AM Re: Am I Getting Too Close [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 278
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 278
Couch,

I'm tweaking my comments here based on another read or two. There's a lot to like about this—as always, some beautiful lines and a great rhyme scheme. On my first read (and comments) it didn't quite pull me in as quickly as most of your other work; as I re-read, it's winning me over. There are still spots I pause over as I read, but it works as a whole, and, as always, i enjoyed my read.

Regards,

Deej

Last edited by Deej56; 09/30/17 09:51 AM.
#1131158 - 10/01/17 07:32 PM Re: Am I Getting Too Close [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
cochise, az, usa
Thanks Dee...this is more of a singer's lyric. It's meant to go with a smoky melody and arrangement more than it is to be read. Thanks for checking it out. smile

#1131186 - 10/03/17 02:45 AM Re: Am I Getting Too Close [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 148
MATT STONEHAM Offline
Serious Contributor
MATT STONEHAM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 148
Le Monde
Hi Couch

Lots of clever lines here as usual

Tell me have you ever written a lyric to a melody , written by someone with a

Reputation of turning out memorable melody's ????

Not meant as a criticism of your work , just my thoughts on

worth while collaborating and of course in that process both

both would need to be prepared to give and take with both

Not looking for collaborating myself, but

Always a pleasure to read your exceptional lyrical lines


Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
#1131213 - 10/04/17 08:39 PM Re: Am I Getting Too Close [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,205
cochise, az, usa
Thanks Matt. I've never written lyrics to pre-existing melodies to any great extent. I could do it, I'd just need a primer on the basic meter and structure. I'm self-taught with a fairly primitive process, but I could do it. In any genre.

I'm pretty much retired from lyrics and poetry, though. I just finished my second novel which I'm proofing. When I publish that on Kindle I may write a few lyrics. I've got some ideas I could develop. But if someone wanted me to write to existing melodies, they'd have to pay me.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 10/04/17 08:39 PM.

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