Who's Online Now
10 members (couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill), 4,251 guests, and 265 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Does Billy Joel belong in top 10?
by Fdemetrio - 03/28/24 11:10 PM
It Is Done
by Sunset Poet - 03/28/24 07:44 PM
Music Industry Summit, Athens Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/28/24 06:14 PM
Can you save me from me
by VNORTH2 - 03/28/24 03:11 PM
As human as yo
by ckiphen - 03/28/24 09:55 AM
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,990
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,126
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,120
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,032
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13636638

A song composed by Canadian based Mimmo/vocal and myself
The song was initially written for a female
Travis


Who's Going to Hold me When I cry? 

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, in some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
good performance...the song may work as a theatre piece

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Definitely not country!
Yes we had it as a MOR or as you said Neil theatre.
Thanks for your ears
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Hi Travis and Mimmo.
Pretty tune you have here.

Just a couple of suggs uol:

V1 says "IF you should go" indefinite.
V2 conflicts with that and says "for eternity YOU'D go" definite.

Also not sure repeating "I cry" works. Maybe better to say "When I cry" or not repeat at all.
Not sure if the "ohs" at the end work either. That could be just my personal preference though.

Overall though it works.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Cheers Vic.personally I'm with you on the CRY. MIMMO thought it more dramatic i though the song would work with less drama.
I rather like the ooohs lol
The lyric can be altered it isn't exactly as posted anyway as it was aimed at a female vocalist in mind
Thanks for your listen and help


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280
Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280
Likes: 3
really like the vocal in this Travis, good Music and lyric. just a note let you know I stopped and gave this a listen. Lane



"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Thanks once again for your support Lane
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Hey guys!

I really enjoyed this and as mentioned, a theatrical vibe song - it just feels like a scene solo in a musical--but I dig that, and it definitely has a vintage pop sound for me.

My only small nit with prosody is tiny......I think losing the contraction and saying ""who is" would help that lyric flow, though subtle, in the vs. end lines-- emphasizing the "who" but shorter than "who-oo's." Just my preference, not imperative by any means. I'm with Vic on the "cry" repeat, however, I think if when repeating it, you sing it down a step or so, it will sound more "resolving" and give you the drama in which you spoke of by keeping it.

Is that you singing Travis? Nice voice!

steady-eddie.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Hi Ed
Thanks once again for your help.
I'm with you and Vic on the CRY line and intend to try to get another take.
Not not my voice Ed.
I'm not gifted enough to carry any tune
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Hi Travis:

I'm doing my best to share my thoughts and Windows 10 keeps interfering. First, since it was written with a female vocalist in mind, I thought Mimmo did a great job with the vocal... but I'd love to hear a great female vocalist do this one for you. Theatrical genre... yeah... but could be much more depending on the arrangement.
Enjoyed my listen and as always, your lyric is the backbone of this work. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Thanks Dave for your comments and listen. Much appreciated
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 10/02/17 11:49 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,325
Likes: 4
Top 40 Poster
Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,325
Likes: 4
enjoyed this collab, Travis. "Works for me."

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857
Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
Offline
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857
Likes: 1
Nice work guys.


Good lyrics and a STRONG vocal too.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Thanks Calvin
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711
Likes: 18
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711
Likes: 18
Hi Travis,

I like the singer and the lyric. The arrangement feels like a long intro until about the two minute mark, and I got a little restless for the drums and bass to kick in..I'd either go all the way theatre piece and create a really dynamic piano arrangement and go either just piano and vocal, or go full band with the drums and bass kicking in at the start of V2 at the latest. Just my humble two-cents. smile

Also, Mimmo sings "live" like "leave" and it was making it hard to understand the meaning of the words without reading them.

All in all really nice song and performance and write. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670
Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670
Likes: 2
A theatre piece for sure. smile Mimmo has a lovely voice (though, as you say, this was originally written for a female vocalist).
Nice change-up into the bridge. (I'm with the others regarding the repetition of 'I cry'.)

A couple of lyrical suggestions below, just in case you were planning to make any changes for a female vocalist. Keep or sweep, of course. smile

Donna

Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Title could be tighter. If you adjust line 4 in each verse, the title could simply be 'Who'd Be There to Hold Me'.

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? The tense needs to change here, as it's not consistent with the preceding lines where you use the conditional (if…would), and the singer is describing a hypothetical situation. Use of the future tense in line 4 indicates that the person is definitely leaving, which is not the case.
I suggest something like 'And who'd be there to hold me when I cry?'.


v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? Suggest same change as above. Tense needs to be the same as in the previous lines.

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bear to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, with some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried? OK. The tense is half correct here. wink Suggest 'Would he hold me like you do when I cry'.


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Thanks Michael and Donna.
The points raised will be addressed for another take.
Donna the full title is all important I think. The shortened version I feel would make it just another song.
I try and in fact have my dusty rusty brain powered up for unique hooks- often failing miserably
Cheers and thank you both
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Hi Guys....Was just listening to the mix we had on here, I guess John never posted the new version.

https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/w-igoing-to-holdcals-guitarmar27


Lyrics: John Vaughan
Vocals: Dom Mercurio
Guitars: Mark A. Shrider
Flute: Daniel J. Moore
Guitar :Cal DiFalco
Gary Miller: Piano, Strings Flute and Tremolo Strings (From midi)
Andy Gupta: Guitar,Bass, Drums and French Horn in the ending
Rest of instruments and Mix Master done by Dom Mercurio

Who is Going to Hold me When I cry?

Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who is going to hold me when... I cry?

They say that time will heal all wounds, but it moves so slow,
one minute you are here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who is going to hold me when... I cry?

Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch my self to see... it is all real
Keep to myself these foolish fears
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I would go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Will you find new love, in some other guy?
Would he hold you like I did when... you cried?

(c) John Vaughan/Travis David

Last edited by Mimmo; 09/02/18 01:22 PM.
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 102
M
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
M
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 102
Travis

What a sophisticated arrangement you have here! Lots of skilled musicians brought to bear. I agree it feels like a song from a Broadway musical.

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by mikegouthro
Travis

What a sophisticated arrangement you have here! Lots of skilled musicians brought to bear. I agree it feels like a song from a Broadway musical.


Thank you Mike for your comment.
Mimmo

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143
Likes: 26
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143
Likes: 26
Wow! This arrangement gives a whole new meaning to the word "lush." It holds nothing back. I love that. It has a real dramatic European feel to it - Italian? It also has a 1960s feeling (in a good way). I see a video that is all unbuttoned shirt, gold medallion and smoldering looks directly into the camera. Maybe on a rocky beach smile

Some of the 1960s feel might come from the background hiss in my headphones that made me think I was listening to a vinyl record. Was that deliberate?

Great vocal performance too!

By the way, SoundCloud lets you change the tittle to just the song name. I noticed you had the whole file name there, which was too long to fit.

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Hi Gavin
Thank you so much for listening to the song and for your comments.
I don't think I was looking for the European sound for it, if that's what it is, probably just happened.
When I read the lyrics a big orchestra came to mind and slowly it became what it is now. I did have help by some great musicians too.

I was born in Italy, but live in Canada, I've been here for a long time.
I'm not sure about the hiss you hear, if there is, was not intentionally. I've listened to a few different files, I'm not sure I hear it.

Thanks for the tip about Sounclowd...I did edit the file...But it's still too long

Regards
Mimmo


Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
warriorgirl (2024)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5