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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Am I Getting Too Close ©2017 Robert George BMI
Well, you’re eyes are dark sapphires And your skin is smoother than a pearl Night is breathing with desire But you’ve always been a cautious girl
There’s an old lighthouse’s silhouette On the cliff side up the coast High tide’s licking at our feet, And the air is salty sweet So tell me now Have I gone too far somehow O am I getting too close
I can tell that you are thinking Love is just a reckless game of chance But tonight the stars are winking As if they are daring us to dance
There’s a shroud of mist upon the shore And the full moon is a lonely ghost So I take your trembling hand, And we sway upon the sand So tell me now Have I gone too far somehow O am I getting too close Am I getting too close
Girl, unless our love is built upon eternity It will soon become a castle washed into the sea
So we sit beside the ocean Whispering about our dreams and plans And we feel the water’s motion Till our whispers turn into a dance
It’s as if the night has always known To be needed’s what we want the most So I’ll kiss your soft, wet skin, And I’ll touch the soul within But tell me now Have I gone too far somehow O am I getting too close
Am I getting too close Am I getting too close…to your heart…
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Couch,
I'm tweaking my comments here based on another read or two. There's a lot to like about this—as always, some beautiful lines and a great rhyme scheme. On my first read (and comments) it didn't quite pull me in as quickly as most of your other work; as I re-read, it's winning me over. There are still spots I pause over as I read, but it works as a whole, and, as always, i enjoyed my read.
Regards,
Deej
Last edited by Deej56; 09/30/17 09:51 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Thanks Dee...this is more of a singer's lyric. It's meant to go with a smoky melody and arrangement more than it is to be read. Thanks for checking it out.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158 |
Hi Couch
Lots of clever lines here as usual
Tell me have you ever written a lyric to a melody , written by someone with a
Reputation of turning out memorable melody's ????
Not meant as a criticism of your work , just my thoughts on
worth while collaborating and of course in that process both
both would need to be prepared to give and take with both
Not looking for collaborating myself, but
Always a pleasure to read your exceptional lyrical lines
Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Thanks Matt. I've never written lyrics to pre-existing melodies to any great extent. I could do it, I'd just need a primer on the basic meter and structure. I'm self-taught with a fairly primitive process, but I could do it. In any genre.
I'm pretty much retired from lyrics and poetry, though. I just finished my second novel which I'm proofing. When I publish that on Kindle I may write a few lyrics. I've got some ideas I could develop. But if someone wanted me to write to existing melodies, they'd have to pay me.
Last edited by couchgrouch; 10/04/17 08:39 PM.
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