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#1131130 - 09/30/17 01:31 AM Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13636638

A song composed by Canadian based Mimmo/vocal and myself
The song was initially written for a female
Travis


Who's Going to Hold me When I cry? 

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, in some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131139 - 09/30/17 08:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Neil Cotton Online content
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good performance...the song may work as a theatre piece


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1131141 - 09/30/17 09:17 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Definitely not country!
Yes we had it as a MOR or as you said Neil theatre.
Thanks for your ears
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131144 - 09/30/17 10:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Hi Travis and Mimmo.
Pretty tune you have here.

Just a couple of suggs uol:

V1 says "IF you should go" indefinite.
V2 conflicts with that and says "for eternity YOU'D go" definite.

Also not sure repeating "I cry" works. Maybe better to say "When I cry" or not repeat at all.
Not sure if the "ohs" at the end work either. That could be just my personal preference though.

Overall though it works.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
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#1131145 - 09/30/17 11:32 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Cheers Vic.personally I'm with you on the CRY. MIMMO thought it more dramatic i though the song would work with less drama.
I rather like the ooohs lol
The lyric can be altered it isn't exactly as posted anyway as it was aimed at a female vocalist in mind
Thanks for your listen and help


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131149 - 09/30/17 01:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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really like the vocal in this Travis, good Music and lyric. just a note let you know I stopped and gave this a listen. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1131151 - 09/30/17 02:42 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: lane1777]  
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Thanks once again for your support Lane
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131157 - 10/01/17 06:27 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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E Swartz Online content
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Ohio
Hey guys!

I really enjoyed this and as mentioned, a theatrical vibe song - it just feels like a scene solo in a musical--but I dig that, and it definitely has a vintage pop sound for me.

My only small nit with prosody is tiny......I think losing the contraction and saying ""who is" would help that lyric flow, though subtle, in the vs. end lines-- emphasizing the "who" but shorter than "who-oo's." Just my preference, not imperative by any means. I'm with Vic on the "cry" repeat, however, I think if when repeating it, you sing it down a step or so, it will sound more "resolving" and give you the drama in which you spoke of by keeping it.

Is that you singing Travis? Nice voice!

steady-eddie.

#1131161 - 10/02/17 04:42 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Ed
Thanks once again for your help.
I'm with you and Vic on the CRY line and intend to try to get another take.
Not not my voice Ed.
I'm not gifted enough to carry any tune
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131165 - 10/02/17 08:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Dave Rice Online content
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Hi Travis:

I'm doing my best to share my thoughts and Windows 10 keeps interfering. First, since it was written with a female vocalist in mind, I thought Mimmo did a great job with the vocal... but I'd love to hear a great female vocalist do this one for you. Theatrical genre... yeah... but could be much more depending on the arrangement.
Enjoyed my listen and as always, your lyric is the backbone of this work. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

#1131184 - 10/02/17 10:48 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Dave for your comments and listen. Much appreciated
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 10/02/17 10:49 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131250 - 10/06/17 06:47 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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enjoyed this collab, Travis. "Works for me."

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1131284 - 10/07/17 05:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Nice work guys.


Good lyrics and a STRONG vocal too.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1131301 - 10/08/17 11:12 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Calvin
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131464 - 10/16/17 01:09 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jul 2006
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California
Hi Travis,

I like the singer and the lyric. The arrangement feels like a long intro until about the two minute mark, and I got a little restless for the drums and bass to kick in..I'd either go all the way theatre piece and create a really dynamic piano arrangement and go either just piano and vocal, or go full band with the drums and bass kicking in at the start of V2 at the latest. Just my humble two-cents. smile

Also, Mimmo sings "live" like "leave" and it was making it hard to understand the meaning of the words without reading them.

All in all really nice song and performance and write. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1131468 - 10/17/17 03:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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A theatre piece for sure. smile Mimmo has a lovely voice (though, as you say, this was originally written for a female vocalist).
Nice change-up into the bridge. (I'm with the others regarding the repetition of 'I cry'.)

A couple of lyrical suggestions below, just in case you were planning to make any changes for a female vocalist. Keep or sweep, of course. smile

Donna

Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Title could be tighter. If you adjust line 4 in each verse, the title could simply be 'Who'd Be There to Hold Me'.

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? The tense needs to change here, as it's not consistent with the preceding lines where you use the conditional (if…would), and the singer is describing a hypothetical situation. Use of the future tense in line 4 indicates that the person is definitely leaving, which is not the case.
I suggest something like 'And who'd be there to hold me when I cry?'.


v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? Suggest same change as above. Tense needs to be the same as in the previous lines.

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bear to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, with some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried? OK. The tense is half correct here. wink Suggest 'Would he hold me like you do when I cry'.


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend

Guild of International Songwriters and Composers


#1131552 - 10/21/17 03:03 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis david  Online Content
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Thanks Michael and Donna.
The points raised will be addressed for another take.
Donna the full title is all important I think. The shortened version I feel would make it just another song.
I try and in fact have my dusty rusty brain powered up for unique hooks- often failing miserably
Cheers and thank you both
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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