Who's Online Now
19 registered members (Brian Austin Whitney, Barry David Butler, Colin Ward, Jody Whitesides, E Swartz, couchgrouch, beechnut79, Jackie444, Everett Adams, 9ne, 3 invisible), and 180 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Posts: 3,710
Joined: July 2010
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Daily Distractions 12-15-2017 (Net Neutrality)
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/17 05:09 PM
Rolling On. Vic
by Vicarn. 12/16/17 03:35 PM
Tired Wings
by Vicarn. 12/16/17 03:26 PM
Chance (updated please critique)
by Vicarn. 12/16/17 03:20 PM
Always meant to be. Travis and Vic
by Vicarn. 12/16/17 03:14 PM
Tug of War (Won't Last for Long)
by beechnut79. 12/16/17 11:45 AM
The Wonder of Santa And Christmas
by Barry David Butler. 12/16/17 11:17 AM
No more Net Neutrality....
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/17 09:57 AM
OCD - altrock w/ hint of rockabilly
by Travis david. 12/16/17 07:39 AM
If You See Me In The Gutter
by Calvin. 12/16/17 04:08 AM
Santa's On His Way
by John Paragreen. 12/15/17 06:54 PM
"The Man In The Mirror"
by John Paragreen. 12/15/17 05:20 PM
One More Night
by John Paragreen. 12/15/17 05:12 PM
Days
by John Paragreen. 12/15/17 05:01 PM
Ambient Music in Hotel Bars - A Linkedin Article
by Marc Barnette. 12/15/17 01:18 PM
I'm Not Dead Yet
by SilverBeat. 12/15/17 12:23 PM
Woke Up After 35 Years & Formed Barry & The Boomer
by Barry David Butler. 12/15/17 11:57 AM
Dear Mr. Goodell:
by Fdemetrio. 12/15/17 11:18 AM
Forgotten Man (My Friend Carroll Kiphen wrote this
by Barry David Butler. 12/15/17 10:53 AM
CD duplicating machines
by Everett Adams. 12/15/17 08:06 AM
Unborn Babies Bill Of Rights
by Barry David Butler. 12/14/17 10:05 AM
Update On The Awards
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/14/17 04:16 AM
Delinquent Submissions From Nominees
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/14/17 04:15 AM
Christmas Love
by Barry David Butler. 12/14/17 12:12 AM
1-800-4-Heaven
by PeteG. 12/13/17 09:37 PM
Merry Christmas
by David Snyder. 12/13/17 05:36 PM
In My Dreams
by Kevin Emmrich. 12/13/17 05:26 PM
A Tumbleweed Christmas. Travis & Vic
by Travis david. 12/13/17 01:05 PM
With The Gods Above
by Michael LeBlanc. 12/13/17 12:38 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,233
Kevin Emmrich 10,532
Travis david 10,375
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,748
Mike Dunbar 8,574
glynda 8,560
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,830
Corey 7,357
couchgrouch 7,228
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,428
Joe Wrabek 6,400
Dave Rice 6,234
ben willis 6,072
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,718
Linda Sings 5,601
niteshift 5,324
Vicarn 5,303
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,605
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,344
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
Neil Cotton 4,155
TamsNumber4 3,997
nightengale 3,965
Roy Cooper 3,910
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,760
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
beechnut79 3,281
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
E Swartz 2,958
PopTodd 2,876
Harriet Ames 2,868
Nigel Quin 2,802
MidniteBob 2,698
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Nelson 2,434
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,151
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
Ray Thyer 1,929
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
maccharles 1,770
floyd jane 1,713
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Noel Downs 1,620
Iggy 1,593
Cal 1,574
Rick Heenan 1,562
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,451
RogerS 1,445
Ralph Blight 1,440
Chuck Crowe 1,435
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,402
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,300
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
GocartMoz 1,261
Janice & Bud 1,243
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,227
Glen King 1,210
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,083
Gerry 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
joro 1,045
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
lane1777 950
Jak Kelly 912
IronKnee 911
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
tbryson 737
Andy K 733
Andy Kemp 732
Jackie444 722
ant 710
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
9ne 634
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Pat Hardy 580
qbaum 570
nitepiano 565
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
Irwin 530
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
Roderic 522
Moosesong 516
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
R&M 444
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 398
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
Cecilee 376
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Alek 352
Deej56 351
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1131130 - 09/30/17 01:31 AM Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13636638

A song composed by Canadian based Mimmo/vocal and myself
The song was initially written for a female
Travis


Who's Going to Hold me When I cry? 

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry?

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bare to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, in some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131139 - 09/30/17 08:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,155
Neil Cotton Offline
Top 100 Poster
Neil Cotton  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,155
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
good performance...the song may work as a theatre piece


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1131141 - 09/30/17 09:17 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Definitely not country!
Yes we had it as a MOR or as you said Neil theatre.
Thanks for your ears
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131144 - 09/30/17 10:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,303
Vicarn Online content
Top 50 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,303
UK
Hi Travis and Mimmo.
Pretty tune you have here.

Just a couple of suggs uol:

V1 says "IF you should go" indefinite.
V2 conflicts with that and says "for eternity YOU'D go" definite.

Also not sure repeating "I cry" works. Maybe better to say "When I cry" or not repeat at all.
Not sure if the "ohs" at the end work either. That could be just my personal preference though.

Overall though it works.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1131145 - 09/30/17 11:32 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Cheers Vic.personally I'm with you on the CRY. MIMMO thought it more dramatic i though the song would work with less drama.
I rather like the ooohs lol
The lyric can be altered it isn't exactly as posted anyway as it was aimed at a female vocalist in mind
Thanks for your listen and help


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131149 - 09/30/17 01:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 950
lane1777 Offline
Top 500 Poster
lane1777  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 950
south of the mason,dixon line
really like the vocal in this Travis, good Music and lyric. just a note let you know I stopped and gave this a listen. Lane


"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1131151 - 09/30/17 02:42 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: lane1777]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks once again for your support Lane
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131157 - 10/01/17 06:27 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,958
E Swartz Online content
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,958
Ohio
Hey guys!

I really enjoyed this and as mentioned, a theatrical vibe song - it just feels like a scene solo in a musical--but I dig that, and it definitely has a vintage pop sound for me.

My only small nit with prosody is tiny......I think losing the contraction and saying ""who is" would help that lyric flow, though subtle, in the vs. end lines-- emphasizing the "who" but shorter than "who-oo's." Just my preference, not imperative by any means. I'm with Vic on the "cry" repeat, however, I think if when repeating it, you sing it down a step or so, it will sound more "resolving" and give you the drama in which you spoke of by keeping it.

Is that you singing Travis? Nice voice!

steady-eddie.

#1131161 - 10/02/17 04:42 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Ed
Thanks once again for your help.
I'm with you and Vic on the CRY line and intend to try to get another take.
Not not my voice Ed.
I'm not gifted enough to carry any tune
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131165 - 10/02/17 08:57 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,234
Dave Rice Offline
Top 40 Poster
Dave Rice  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,234
Texas
Hi Travis:

I'm doing my best to share my thoughts and Windows 10 keeps interfering. First, since it was written with a female vocalist in mind, I thought Mimmo did a great job with the vocal... but I'd love to hear a great female vocalist do this one for you. Theatrical genre... yeah... but could be much more depending on the arrangement.
Enjoyed my listen and as always, your lyric is the backbone of this work. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

#1131184 - 10/02/17 10:48 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Dave for your comments and listen. Much appreciated
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 10/02/17 10:49 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131250 - 10/06/17 06:47 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
Top 40 Poster
Douglas Murphy  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
enjoyed this collab, Travis. "Works for me."

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1131284 - 10/07/17 05:14 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,233
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,233
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Nice work guys.


Good lyrics and a STRONG vocal too.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1131301 - 10/08/17 11:12 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Calvin
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131464 - 10/16/17 01:09 PM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,611
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,611
California
Hi Travis,

I like the singer and the lyric. The arrangement feels like a long intro until about the two minute mark, and I got a little restless for the drums and bass to kick in..I'd either go all the way theatre piece and create a really dynamic piano arrangement and go either just piano and vocal, or go full band with the drums and bass kicking in at the start of V2 at the latest. Just my humble two-cents. smile

Also, Mimmo sings "live" like "leave" and it was making it hard to understand the meaning of the words without reading them.

All in all really nice song and performance and write. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1131468 - 10/17/17 03:52 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,605
DonnaMarilyn Offline
Top 100 Poster
DonnaMarilyn  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,605
Netherlands
A theatre piece for sure. smile Mimmo has a lovely voice (though, as you say, this was originally written for a female vocalist).
Nice change-up into the bridge. (I'm with the others regarding the repetition of 'I cry'.)

A couple of lyrical suggestions below, just in case you were planning to make any changes for a female vocalist. Keep or sweep, of course. smile

Donna

Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Title could be tighter. If you adjust line 4 in each verse, the title could simply be 'Who'd Be There to Hold Me'.

v 1
Started thinking how I'd feel if you should go
how would I carry on, would my feelings show?
Would I laugh again, how slow would time go by?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? The tense needs to change here, as it's not consistent with the preceding lines where you use the conditional (if…would), and the singer is describing a hypothetical situation. Use of the future tense in line 4 indicates that the person is definitely leaving, which is not the case.
I suggest something like 'And who'd be there to hold me when I cry?'.


v 2
They say time heals wounds, but time moves so slow,
one minute you'd be here, for eternity you'd go.
Could I live without you, would I live a lie?
And who's going to hold me when I cry? Suggest same change as above. Tense needs to be the same as in the previous lines.

Bridge
Can't believe how good you've made me feel
have to pinch myself to make sure it's real
Keep to myself these foolish fears 
all the uncertainty and silly tears.

V3
Couldn't even go away to hide the pain
wherever I'd go, couldn't bear to hear your name.
Would I meet a new love, with some another guy?
would he hold me like you did when I cried? OK. The tense is half correct here. wink Suggest 'Would he hold me like you do when I cry'.


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend

Guild of International Songwriters and Composers


#1131552 - 10/21/17 03:03 AM Re: Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Michael and Donna.
The points raised will be addressed for another take.
Donna the full title is all important I think. The shortened version I feel would make it just another song.
I try and in fact have my dusty rusty brain powered up for unique hooks- often failing miserably
Cheers and thank you both
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
juliettrowe, djmushi, Davood, RonnieDean, CharlotteSullivan
20973 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics117,301
Posts1,104,196
Members20,974
Average Posts Daily42
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"If you choose the right rut to get stuck in, you'll enjoy the journey the whole way, regardless of the final destination!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
bwsongs (2017)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0