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#1130894 - 09/22/17 12:04 PM i`ll just call this [Jenny`s Song] for now  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,015
lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
a girl that comes around and cleans houses,,,I got to hear Her story. [kinda like a restless heart song]
I`m not pretty but this will give you the idea where I was going with the song..
https://soundcloud.com/user-745253707/jenny-work-track/s-wamV3


Jenny was 18 yrs
with a baby in her arms..
a little education, and a great big heart..

When she came home at night
She would kiss Her little girl...
She said she laid some nights and cried...

chorus
But she danced through the days
a certain sparkle in Her eyes
I was amazed ..at the songs She was singing..
and O...by the way ...
Jenny laughed and Jenny prayed...and carried on another day..

This girl had a heart of gold
and She spent it on a boy...
and you could tell He loved Her so...

when She brought him home at night
He would kiss Her little girl...
and hold Jenny in his arms..

chorus
And she danced through the days
a certain sparkle in Her eyes
I was amazed ..at the songs She was singing..
and O...by the way ..
Jenny laughed and Jenny prayed...and carried on another day..

bridge:

She was so young in life.
but it never got Her down.
and Her two loves in life
is all She needed now....

chorus
they danced through the days
that sparkle in their eyes..
I was amazed ..at the songs they were singing..
and the years go by...the light dancing in their eyes..
they always stop to say hello...Jenny stops to say hello..



Copyright 2017 Vincent. All Rights Reserved.



Last edited by lane1777; 10/14/17 02:36 PM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1130900 - 09/22/17 12:17 PM Re: i`ll just call this [Jenny] for now [Re: lane1777]  
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9ne Online content
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I liked the "feel" of this and the concept. I think there needs to be a bigger pay-off in the last line of the chorus.
-Mike

#1130906 - 09/22/17 12:33 PM Re: i`ll just call this [Jenny] for now [Re: lane1777]  
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
I had trouble with that Mike, the melody just keeps me "lining this song, the drop in the last line helped me end the chorus, I`d have to show you, I can do that, give me a few mins and i`ll throw in a work track [melody] its like a never ending chorus and I didn`t know how else to do it. Thanks so much for the comment. Lane

https://soundcloud.com/user-745253707/jenny-work-track/s-wamV3

Last edited by lane1777; 09/22/17 01:29 PM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1130916 - 09/22/17 02:33 PM Re: i`ll just call this [Jenny] for now [Re: lane1777]  
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Travis david Online content
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Good to hear a work tape Lane.
You have the frame work for a good song.
The full version will be good to hear.
To take up Mikes comments which I go along with
For the last chorus final line. maybe ;
And i still see that dance in their eyes.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1130939 - 09/23/17 02:57 AM Re: i`ll just call this [Jenny] for now [Re: lane1777]  
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Lane,

Agree with Travis above--lots to work with here, and it was cool to hear the work tape. Maybe a bit more structure in the lyrics, just aligning thought and theme--but this is well on it's way. BTW, I like your voice--it would sit well with many a tune.

Regards,

Deej

#1131016 - 09/25/17 11:17 AM Re: i`ll just call this [Jenny] for now [Re: lane1777]  
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
I`m working on this a bit Dee, such a "flat ending,I`m trying to fix that. thanks so much for commenting and taking time to give this a listen, not real exciting to hear me sing....lol but its a little more help to the people that get in here...Lane

I changed a bit of the second verse too.. it said: I know she laid some nights and cried. to: she said she laid some nights and cried. thanks again Dee

and 9ne is right I think I can do that in the first chorus, but not the ending.

Travis: thats a great idea,,let me try to arrange something..

ok added Travis thought... if you get back here tell me what you think..

Travis what are you saying? I thought this was it!......lol

Last edited by lane1777; 09/25/17 12:03 PM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"

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