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#1130888 - 09/22/17 10:46 AM Come On Home  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Louisiana
kickin' around with this one.

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13632598

Come On Home

Another lonely night in this dirty old city
Just another face in the crowd
The bright lights only get me dizzy
And the heartbeat of this city pounds too loud

Screams and shouts up and down the sidewalk
Sirens and horns they blast the night
Peace and quiet is the only dream that i stalk
And to see one star would surely be a delight

Back in my mind i hear them say
That city's gonna eat you up alive
They may be right but i'm here to stay
Though their plea echos deep down inside
Come on home,back where you belong,come on home,i hear them say
Come on home,back where you belong,come on home,don't fade away

Another hustle in the midnight shadows
Doing what it takes to make ends meet
Reaping bad habits in these concrete furrows
Missing the cool dirt beneath my feet

At nineteen you think that you know it all
No one can tell you any difference
You only learn by surviving every fall
And losing time and love at your expense

repeat chorus

#1130896 - 09/22/17 11:07 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,434
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Posts: 2,434
Baltimore, MD
Sounding good Mike.
Always love that fish outta water... thinking of home sentiment.

Maybe a few more lines about home. I like the cool dirt beneath my feet line.


A Simple Man making Simple Music~~~ Nelson
#1130899 - 09/22/17 11:14 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 634
9ne Online content
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9ne  Online Content
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N.E. of Toronto
Liked the lyric and music, but it didn't have enough difference in the melody for me.
Good luck with this!
-Mike

#1130937 - 09/23/17 01:32 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,375
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
An old theme Mike but you have managed to create the right feel in this one.
Good one
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1130945 - 09/23/17 06:21 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,829
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

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Saint Petersburg. FL
Good one Mike but I am left wondering why does he stay in the city if it is lonely, loud, etc. There must be a force that makes him stay.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1130953 - 09/23/17 02:01 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
thanx Mr. Nelson! Mike

#1130954 - 09/23/17 02:02 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
say there 9ne,thanks for the visit and i have to agree with you.Mike

#1130955 - 09/23/17 02:03 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
thank ya Travis,an old theme sits well with an old man. Mike

#1130956 - 09/23/17 02:05 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
hey Colin,yes there must be something n his hard head to make himself stay,maybe at that age where he thinks he knows what he wants but it aint working and he's not giving in though it is getting to him.And i did ask myself this same question a few times when i got through writing it,oh well,movin' on as usual.I appreciate ya! Mike

#1130959 - 09/23/17 02:46 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,233
Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.

#1130965 - 09/23/17 11:01 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,958
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Posts: 2,958
Ohio
Pretty cool Mike.

I was wondering if "maybe" the first two lines of the last two verses might be reversed? My thought was that it may give the last verse a more summarizing effect with the futility. Not sure, but just thought it might be worth consideration. Nice work Mike!

steady-eddie.

#1130968 - 09/24/17 07:30 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Montreal, Quebec, Canada
"At nineteen you think that you know it all
No one can tell you any difference
You only learn by surviving every fall
And losing time and love at your expense"

love the overall feel of this one Michael from the vocals, the lyrics, and the production. My only "nit" is the bridge it sounds forced. How about?

"At nineteen you think that you know it all
No one can tell you any different
You only learn by surviving every fall
And losing time and love to ignorance."

Just a thought.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130978 - 09/24/17 08:24 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,322
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
I know you don't re-write after you post a song but...if you did, there is a lot of trimming you could do to make it sing smoother. I think with this kind of lyrical theme, the more stark the language, the more powerful, almost like the city has sucked the energy and soul out of him and it's an effort just to think about it. Just my 2 cents.

Ricki

#1130984 - 09/24/17 10:06 AM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 634
9ne Online content
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9ne  Online Content
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N.E. of Toronto
You don't re-write? If that's true, wouldn't it be better to say you're not accepting suggestions? Not being antagonistic Mike, just curious...

#1131004 - 09/24/17 07:20 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,070
Louisiana
hey 9ne,i used to rewrite but i know these songs are just for my personal use and they'll be just stuck in a box.HOWEVER,the songs i collaborate on,that's a different matter.I will rework those and try to improve to help the song the best i can for me and the cowriter,as i appreciate any one that has interest in my lyrics to do so.I'm just saying i rarely rewrite my lyrics on the ones that do just for myself.If that makes sense.And i do like getting suggestions as that helps me improve in my writing [sometimes].Sometimes i use the suggestions in the next lyric or at least be aware of it.I hope you understand what i'm saying here and don't think i don't like suggestions,there's always room for improvement.Maybe i'm lazy or i just like to write and move on to the next. Mike

#1131008 - 09/24/17 07:39 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 950
lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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Posts: 950
south of the mason,dixon line
Crap Michael I missed this song..ok I don`t know if you started this in a minor, but thats appealing to me, Ricki says it could be trimmed a bit, I agree with that. I like the song. Mike...like you... sometimes I write little 2min songs and they go in a folder for my kids, and I say they might want to drag them out someday and have at them. They all play. and then sometimes I bang back into them..anyway you go its a keeper.. Lane

Last edited by lane1777; 09/24/17 07:40 PM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1131044 - 09/26/17 01:08 PM Re: Come On Home [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,611
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,611
California
Hi Mike,

Great lyric and vocal phrasing, and I really dig the vibe of the overall sound..

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)

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