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#1130287 - 08/31/17 09:03 AM Thorns & Petals  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v3/player.cfm?type=single&songid=13622759&q=hi&newref=1

Thorns & Petals
[08/29/2017]

Wherever she walked, wild flowers grew
within each and every step, each step he kept in view.
He followed close behind her, picking everyone he met.
By the end, he had a bouquet for a love he'd not forget.

Thorns from wild roses bit deep into his skin.
Every petal of the daisy ended with his sin.
He remained, never stopping or leaving one behind.
Kate would be his special flower, a once and only find.

As she kept on walking, he collected, never missed not one.
But city after city block still didn't have enough.
For miles she drifted before him, his arms heavy with her gift.
But all the fragrant blossoms could not fill the rift.

Thorns from wild roses bit deep into his skin.
Every petal of the daisy ended with his sin.
He remained, never stopping or leaving one behind.
Kate would be his special flower, a once and only find.

He could walk, would walk forever.
never gather or satisfy.
The proof that showed he loved her.
That he let wilt and he let die.

Words by: Andrew & Douglas Murphy
Music by: B.I.A.Box

Copyright © 2017 by Douglas Murphy


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130306 - 08/31/17 04:24 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Conover, North Carolina, USA
A good old-fashioned folk song. I like it. Nice gentle feeling to it. I must admit I don't entirely get the meaning, but I'm enjoying trying to figure it out.

#1130307 - 08/31/17 04:40 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Thanks for stopping by Gavin.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130328 - 09/01/17 12:23 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,958
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Ohio
Hi Doug!

I really like the rhythm and the chording with this song! I do think your chorus makes a better bridge.....and might consider using that melody just "once" and where that 2nd area chorus is now. You could add a new 2nd verse and probably use the same lyrics, but may need a tweak there for prosody, not sure. I think you also could experiment with tempo and prosody in general with this song, just to smooth out the lyric flow, a lot of short pauses. I like your lyrical concept--very tender and sweet. Nice job with your vocals too Doug -- tone-wise. A little tweak here and there with what I mentioned above, and I think you'll have a cool song. There are songs without choruses mind you, but if you really want a chorus, then experiment with having that chorus melody "lift" a bit more even if the message is sad or nostalgic--as is, it is more "digressing" in melody like a bridge, which I think is good however--for a bridge that is.

Nice start here--pretty song with definitely more potential IMO!

steady-eddie

#1130330 - 09/01/17 12:49 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,227
Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,227
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Doug,


Hope you're feeling better.

Good job.

I think Eddie has given you a lot of good thoughts.

Have a good weekend.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/xcalvinstewart

#1130331 - 09/01/17 01:02 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
thank you steady eddie. Food for thought.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130332 - 09/01/17 01:05 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hello, Calvin. Yes, you are right some great advice. Thanks for stopping by and yes I am on the road again as it were to recovery. 2nd Heart Attack Down and two more arteries that with the right meds should behave or I will be having number 3 in the future. Off for two weeks so I am getting some demos completed, posting here [have not for quite a while] and writing. Cannot wait for the five more years to pass so I can 1. retire and 2. do those things I need time to do like writing, recording, posting commenting etc..,

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130333 - 09/01/17 03:16 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,295
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Posts: 5,295
UK
As Eddie says, Douglas. It's a good start. And as Gavin said, I don't entirely get the meaning either.

It seems to me that you are saying that by following her it's a bitter sweet experience.
Some of the metaphors, though are a little harder to get i.e. "Every petal of the daisy ended with his sin".
I know that some daisies are tipped red but none of the other lines mention any sin that he's committed. What was "the rift"?
Maybe one of the lines earlier on should hint at it.

The basic idea that her path is filled with wildflowers is a nice one. Just needs to flow. Stick to it.

Vic


Last edited by Vicarn; 09/01/17 03:18 PM.

It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1130338 - 09/01/17 04:24 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
"As Eddie says, Douglas. It's a good start. And as Gavin said, I don't entirely get the meaning either.

It seems to me that you are saying that by following her it's a bitter sweet experience.
Some of the metaphors, though are a little harder to get i.e. "Every petal of the daisy ended with his sin".
I know that some daisies are tipped red but none of the other lines mention any sin that he's committed. What was "the rift"?"
Maybe one of the lines earlier on should hint at it.

The basic idea that her path is filled with wildflowers is a nice one. Just needs to flow. Stick to it.

Thanks, Vic.

Like a joke, one shouldn't have to explain why it is funny. I see now that what I thought was some clever writing is vague and I will address that.

The only line I will explain, and I had to explain it to my wife and daughter too smile is, "Every petal of the daisy ended with his sin." There is this poem we do here with daisies that goes, "She loves me she loves me not." and you continue plucking the petals off until you get your answer. [I would cheat to make sure that she loved me smile. ] I thought it was very clever but see that the poem has either died away or not as many people know of it. Anywho will look the entire lyric over from the points made.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#1130354 - 09/02/17 12:48 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,295
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,295
UK
Hi again Doug.
I know the old rhyme but just didn't connect it to the write.
Just needs a blob of glue.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1130362 - 09/02/17 06:45 PM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,233
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,233
Texas
Hi Doug:

Great to see you posting again. I've been meaning to give this one a spin for several days but little things keep getting in the way. Loved the melody and now that you've explained the plucking of the petals... it explains the "sin" part. Like Eddie, I suspect you will continue to whittle, shave, cut, paste and do what you feel is needed to make it even more special. Enjoyed it and the challenge of trying to figure out the meanings here and there.

Looking forward to the next "take" when you get around to it. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

#1130429 - 09/05/17 10:08 AM Re: Thorns & Petals [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Douglas Murphy Offline
Top 40 Poster
Douglas Murphy  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,127
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hello, Dave.

Yes, I am whittling away and the rewrite/recording will be posted tomorrow.

Thanks for stopping by.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8

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