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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
i dont need your arms around me now to know that i can breathe i dont need the things i used to need cuz for now i only need myself i used to think i needed you just to get through the day but somehow i realized that the only thing i need is inside of me
i want to feel free like theres nothing but air around me i want to feel safe like theres nothing in the world can get to me i want to feel at home just knowing that im me tired of wanting to be someone else cuz thats never gonna be tired on wanting a perfect life sick of thinking of what ill never have when all i need is me
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,041 Likes: 2
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,041 Likes: 2 |
Tabitha - Haven't noticed you around for a while. Glad to see you're still writing. This has some nice imagery and emotion - isn't structured much like a song. If you're interested in developing it, try using the solid "I know" concept in the first verse to work out a strong statement of the things you've learned about becoming independent and the "I want" desires as a shorter repeatable chorus. Just an idea - keep or sweep of course. ------------------ Marty my new home It may be cold out but you heart doesn't need to be. Make somebody smile today.
Marty my home Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 113 |
Tabitha,
In the first set of lines you end with:
“but somehow i realized that the only thing i need is inside of me”
It seems to me, now you could walk into the next set of lines with:
“Now i feel free like there’s nothing but air around me” And i feel safe like there’s nothing in the world can get to me Now I can feel at home just knowing that I am me tired of wanting to be someone else”
And, of course, the regular touching up!
Maybe the music could even be different for each set. Break into something more dynamic after shedding the confines described in the first set.
Kendo
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43 |
Try writing a song by putting these ideas into a simple song structure while not boring us to death with an unstructured free verse poem.
TITLE Verse 1 Verse 2 Chorus Bridge chorus.
Or TITLE Verse Chorus Verse Chorus Bridge Chorus.
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