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#1129742 - 08/11/17 10:07 AM Gillian  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Conover, North Carolina, USA
One of those melodies that Iíve been carrying around with me, together with half the lyrics, since I was a kid in the attic of my parents' house banging away on an out of tune piano with an out of tune voice, which I have faithfully reproduced here. Iím not a singer, but Iím not too proud to give it a go smile

https://soundcloud.com/gavin-sinclair-5/gillian

This is a first stab at it, especially as far as the vocals are concerned, but I thought now would be a good time to get comments and suggestions, while itís still at an early stage.

#1129777 - 08/12/17 07:31 AM Re: Gillian [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,232
Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,232
Texas
Great start, Gavin:

The melody, words and backing are just fine. Seems to me... you and I have a similar problem. God forgot to provide as much "vocality" to our music oriented heads as our music requires... LOL! Best of luck with this one and by all means, don't let it languish. ----Dave

#1129791 - 08/12/17 02:55 PM Re: Gillian [Re: Dave Rice]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Great start, Gavin:

The melody, words and backing are just fine. Seems to me... you and I have a similar problem. God forgot to provide as much "vocality" to our music oriented heads as our music requires... LOL! Best of luck with this one and by all means, don't let it languish. ----Dave


Dave, you are letting objectivity get in the way of the appreciation of my singing smile

#1129794 - 08/12/17 03:09 PM Re: Gillian [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 3,997
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 3,997
New Hampshire
The tune is very sweet and is composed to take lyrics really well. The lyric gets a little darker than the music for me at some points, meaning the music feels more light hearted than the actual words you are singing into it. I think you shouldn't start off your post with knocking your singing, allow folks to focus on what comes to them, allow your music to be the star instead of being colored with negativity from the start. I love the title and the intent of the lyrics, just wish there were a few less harsh words/images in it to flow along to the music you created.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1129801 - 08/12/17 04:08 PM Re: Gillian [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 207
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
You're right, Tammy. I should stop commenting on my own vocals. Let others make up their own minds. Having said that, I usually see my songs as demos to be sung by someone else.

The second verse is quite dark. I did that to try to add interest and create something a little different. There is definitely a pivot in the middle of the song. The narrator is not just going to commiserate with the girl, but do something about it. I don't know how successful this is.

With only very minor tweaks, this could just as easily be sung by a woman.

#1129802 - 08/12/17 04:49 PM Re: Gillian [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,293
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,293
UK
When all is said it's a good lyric.You set it up as a failure because you know you don't have the voice to suit the song ....but the song remains.
Someone like Mark Knopfler would have the voice for this.
I love your humility btw.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1129803 - 08/12/17 05:32 PM Re: Gillian [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,232
Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,232
Texas
Just saw your reply to my post, Gavin:

I laughed a bit and nearly fell out of my chair. I've always thought I possess "the ears" to recognize a good song even if a segment of the recording does not meet "industry standards." This my friend, has the makings of a good song. Naturally, I wish you all the best with it... but hiring a pro demo singer might be a good investment. We have several really good demo singers here at JPF and most are extremely reasonable. (Not wanting to be condescending in any way... because I also recognize the severe limitations of my ancient vocal chords.)

B-T-W... I noticed your post about Stevie B on another thread. We have not heard any updates on his condition lately but I suspect it is going to be a long, difficult climb for him. If you should be able to make contact with any of his family or friends, please give them the message that so many of us here at JPF are thinking and praying for his recovery.

All my best, ----Dave


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