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Joined: Nov 2009
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Been a spell since I posted a song here, figured it was time. Just finished recording this rough draft, feedback appreciated be brutal if you please, keep it honest! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13609119I'm Not Lonely For You Words and Music by Paul Gaines I'm not lonely for you No that's not what I'm going through I'm climbing these walls I don't know what else to do I'm not lonely for you These tears that I cry are not for you And I'm not walking these floors over you I lay awake at night I can still smell your perfume But I'm not lonely for you I'm Not Lonely For You Why do you ask me if I have the blues I've dialed your number just hang right up yes that's true But I'm Not Lonely For You I once knew a love I though was true until the day she said we are through I cried out I still love but I don't think I got through I'm Not Lonely For You I'm Not Lonely For You Why do you ask me if I have the blues I've dialed your number just hang right up yes that's true But I'm Not Lonely For You Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul:
This sounds as though you wrote it just for Hank. (Hank Williams, Sr. - LOL!) Even though I'm fan of traditional Country Music... the folks in Nashville have totally abandoned us. Today's Nashville sounds a great deal like sugar coated Rap. Sorry for the mini-rant, let me get back to your song.
I don't need to tell you how to write a song 'cause you've proven yourself to us so many times before. Is this early version perfect? Of course not, the lyrics need a push, pull, twist or tug here and there but the idea behind the story is good. (Used in many Country songs before.) Unlike most vocalists you don't have a problem with your voice being "drowned" in the mix. If anything, the Mic level is a tad high... but I know you will take care of that when you do the final recording. The instruments you will need to use in the final recording are lacking a bit in this first version. There was a time years ago when you could have "pitched" this song exactly as it is... but Publishers and Producers expect to be "spoon fed" in today's market.
All that being said, I listened, I enjoyed what I heard and I wish you success with this one. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave
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Hi Paul, I know you're a big Prine fan, but I'm hearing more a laid back, swing-time Willie Nelson vibe on this, and yes of course the lyric is structurally similar to how Hank Sr. wrote. I love your honesty and directness. The vocal is a little raw but like Prine's--that can totally work and feel absolutely right when it matches honest, direct lyric writing like yours does.. Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 08/03/17 02:27 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Howdy Dave
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment
Im a big fan of the traditional county style, and thats where I was trying to land with this tune. I guess most of what I write would be considered Americana, Ive tried to write modern country I just cant get it to clip along in my head... Thanks for the thumbs up
Cheers Paul
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Paul,
Very old school vibe, nice performance and tune. Lyrically everything works well. Perhaps think about that second line of the chorus—there may be an opportunity to go a bit stronger. Mind you, it works fine as is, and I don’t have anything concrete in mind myself, but for what it’s worth something to play with maybe. Enjoyed my listen.
Oh, and BTW, as I was typing this up, “If I Told You” cued up. Nice tune as well!
Best regards,
Deej
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hey Paul, always liked trad country, you really do a fine job on this song. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hello Paul, I'm sure glad I decided to listen to this one, you did a good job. Calvin Good Girls And Bad Boys..... http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Sounds like a good 'ole traditional country song Paul in the style of Willie Nelson. Excellent country song well sung Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Good tune. Nice traditional sound. On the vocal, which was really solid, the only thing that flagged for me was the phrasing on "I'm", which is a hard word to sing - where to split between "I" and "m" and how much time to spend on each is tricky. For example, on the very first "I'm" on the very first listen (without reading lyrics), I wasn't sure if you were singing "I aim" until the next words came along. I really like the phrasing on the third "I'm not lonely for you" - last line of second stanza. It's all personal taste but consistency is good. Apologies if this seems nitpicky but I think it's important for a title line.
..ant
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Paul,
What a great classic Country tune you have here--a melody that will stick with the listener for sure. I like these lyrics, but had a couple of ideas for you to ponder. In verse 4, instead of saying "through" twice, (even though different meanings) maybe insert in the 2nd line a statement reflecting or remembering how she once said "I do," (reflecting their wedding vows)? My other thought, (since we all know he REALLY is lonely for her.........on the last line sing it somehow still "tongue in cheek" but more obvious, maybe with a pause or sigh indicating that sentiment?
I like how you've really made each verse contain the hook line--a lot of good songs like that. This one will stick with a listener for sure, good music, and lyrics that many can relate to--nice write!
steady-eddie
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Hi Paul, I know you're a big Prine fan, but I'm hearing more a laid back, swing-time Willie Nelson vibe on this, and yes of course the lyric is structurally similar to how Hank Sr. wrote. I love your honesty and directness. The vocal is a little raw but like Prine's--that can totally work and feel absolutely right when it matches honest, direct lyric writing like yours does.. Mike Howdy Mike Yeah Prine is my favorite songwriter for sure, but I love the old country style, and I guess Willie is my second favorite. You nailed where I was trying to land with this tune, I was actually sitting on my front porch singing "Hello Walls" when I got the song idea. I wanted to write a song that sounded like it came from that era of country music. As for the recording, it is just for positioning and vocal phrasing, the vocal track that is here is a one take with acoustic guitar bleed. I have a sans the vocal mix that i have been singing to so I can get that phrasing where I want it... the song was fresh when I recorded this so I was struggling to remember the words Thanks for having a listen and commenting! Cheers Paul
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Thanks Martin good to hear from my friend been awhile! Cheers Paul
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Paul,
Very old school vibe, nice performance and tune. Lyrically everything works well. Perhaps think about that second line of the chorus—there may be an opportunity to go a bit stronger. Mind you, it works fine as is, and I don’t have anything concrete in mind myself, but for what it’s worth something to play with maybe. Enjoyed my listen.
Oh, and BTW, as I was typing this up, “If I Told You” cued up. Nice tune as well!
Best regards,
Deej
Howdy Deej nice to meet you Thanks for giving this one a spin and commenting! Happy to know the song works for you, as far as the lyrics go I am always open to suggestions up until the final vocal track, I have done a bit of rewrite on this one already. The line you pointed out I feel is the way a tune written in the 50's or 60's would have been laid out, just my thoughts, I will continue to listen and see if anything offers itself as a replacement line! Cheers Paul
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Classic country!I'm diggin' it Paul. Mike
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Joined: May 2010
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Oh how wonderful! Felt like a Johnny and June tune! Takes harmonies really well if you consider adding anything. I really like this and the write is great! So happy to see and hear you again!!
Tammy
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Oh yeah! Sounds like something from back when country was country. Well done, Paul.
Ricki
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TRADITIONAL ! I love this music Paul, good writing and music. so many artists I have thoughts of here..Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Howdy Folks I apologize for the lack of response and involvement in other tunes, I have been tied up with life, cousin had a heart attack my buddy Steve in the hospital fighting to get better, then those danged ole things we do to continue to live inside... Thanks for the comments and suggestions.
Cheers Paul
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Good O'l country song Paul. Great mix and vocals. Thanks for sharing.
Douglas
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