Who's Online Now
23 registered members (couchgrouch, Barry David Butler, 9ne, Colin Ward, Everett Adams, Dave Rice, Calvin, 7 invisible), and 253 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Stephen John (singch
Stephen John (singch
Trinidad & Tobago
Posts: 286
Joined: August 2007
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Who's Going to Hold me When I cry?  Travis/ Mimmo
by Michael Zaneski. 10/16/17 02:09 PM
I May Not Be The One For You
by Michael Zaneski. 10/16/17 01:52 PM
Broken Glass
by Barry David Butler. 10/16/17 01:41 PM
Soul Seasoned
by bailey bridges. 10/16/17 06:45 AM
Soft whispers of melody
by Dave Rice. 10/15/17 09:13 AM
My First CD `This That and Other Things
by John Lawrence Schick. 10/15/17 08:06 AM
Bump in the Road
by Michael W. Brown. 10/15/17 02:41 AM
Door Open Wide
by Calvin. 10/14/17 05:13 PM
Silence
by lane1777. 10/14/17 02:53 PM
Between friends
by lane1777. 10/14/17 02:47 PM
The First Beer of the Rest of My Life
by couchgrouch. 10/14/17 02:40 PM
Springsteen on Broadway (A Review)
by Barry David Butler. 10/14/17 10:07 AM
Financial prophecy
by Barry David Butler. 10/14/17 08:40 AM
THANKS FOR ALL THE PRAYERS AND CONCERN
by Barry David Butler. 10/14/17 08:33 AM
'' I will never leave you''
by Travis david. 10/14/17 03:26 AM
I'll Take My Socks Off
by Gavin Sinclair. 10/13/17 05:44 PM
Delinquent Submissions From Nominees
by maccharles. 10/13/17 04:10 PM
Dying art of the song intro
by John Voorpostel. 10/13/17 10:56 AM
So She Tells Him
by Deej56. 10/13/17 09:15 AM
SOBER ENGINEER (A TRAIN SONG)
by Travis david. 10/13/17 07:45 AM
this microphone did you use ?
by sevenoak88. 10/13/17 04:42 AM
45
by Deej56. 10/13/17 01:42 AM
Love Goes
by Deej56. 10/13/17 12:14 AM
I'm A Train
by Barry David Butler. 10/12/17 04:17 PM
Making Great Demos with BIAB
by Michael Zaneski. 10/12/17 01:37 PM
RAISE A GLASS. (REWRITE)
by Travis david. 10/12/17 05:48 AM
The truth about Music Streamers?
by Jody Whitesides. 10/12/17 02:14 AM
Exception
by lane1777. 10/11/17 10:05 PM
'' Love is the only way''
by Dennis Wright. 10/11/17 05:25 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,161
Kevin Emmrich 10,529
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Travis david 10,234
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,744
Mike Dunbar 8,574
glynda 8,560
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,804
Corey 7,357
couchgrouch 7,203
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,428
Joe Wrabek 6,400
Dave Rice 6,147
ben willis 6,065
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,718
Linda Sings 5,601
niteshift 5,323
Vicarn 5,212
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,602
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,342
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
Neil Cotton 4,075
nightengale 3,964
TamsNumber4 3,962
Roy Cooper 3,890
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,759
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
beechnut79 3,219
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
E Swartz 2,881
Harriet Ames 2,868
PopTodd 2,864
Nigel Quin 2,801
MidniteBob 2,644
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Nelson 2,392
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,151
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
Ray Thyer 1,929
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
maccharles 1,768
floyd jane 1,713
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Noel Downs 1,620
Iggy 1,592
Cal 1,574
Rick Heenan 1,560
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,451
RogerS 1,445
Ralph Blight 1,440
Chuck Crowe 1,435
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,427
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
Stan Simons 1,402
in2piano 1,399
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,300
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
GocartMoz 1,261
Janice & Bud 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
IdeaGuy 1,209
Glen King 1,209
PeteG 1,195
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,083
Gerry 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
joro 1,045
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
IronKnee 894
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
lane1777 885
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
tbryson 737
Andy K 733
Andy Kemp 732
Jackie444 720
ant 709
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
9ne 588
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Pat Hardy 577
qbaum 570
nitepiano 565
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
Irwin 524
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Moosesong 495
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
R&M 444
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 398
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
Cecilee 376
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Alek 352
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1129210 - 07/21/17 07:28 PM Going To Try- Working Title  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Jen Shaner Offline
Top 200 Poster
Jen Shaner  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Appomattox Va
Hi all! It's been awhile but stress has again brought me back to writing. A few in my support group really liked this so I thought I'd get some opinions and tips to improve it. The song is not meant to be specific but rather to allow more to relate, regardless of their personal battles. I do have a tune at this time but can't sing.


V1
When the odds are stacked against me
do I sink like a stone?
Do I run with arms wide open
to embrace some great unknown?
How I handle my battles
and each fight along the way
maybe leads to loss and surrender
or can bring a brighter new day

Chorus
So I'm going to try
I'm ready to fly
I will soar despite the pain
though some days I will cry
But this battle must be won
and I've really just begun
so I'll never give up until all of the odds I defy

V2
When the darkness falls around me
do I hide and shake with fright?
Do I walk with faith through shadows
'til I find a source of light?
Starting out on this journey
many times I've felt alone
But new friends encourage me onward
and each day's one more stepping stone


Chorus
So I'm going to try
I'm ready to fly
I will soar despite the pain
though some days I will cry
But this battle must be won
and I've really just begun
so I'll never give up until all of the odds I defy

Bridge
I'me weakened and weary
but push on and live
Perhaps by example
some faith I can give

Chorus
So I'm going to try
I'm ready to fly
I will soar despite the pain
though some days I will cry

But this battle must be won
and I've really just begun
so I'll never give up until all of the odds I defy


Jennifer "Jinx" Shaner ©2017

Last edited by Jen Shaner; 07/22/17 01:42 PM.

Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
#1129221 - 07/22/17 07:26 AM Re: Going To Try- Working Title [Re: Jen Shaner]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,234
Travis david Online content
Top 20 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,234
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi jen
Good lyric there seems to be a word missing on v1 line 1 AGAINST maybe?
Welcome back
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1129233 - 07/22/17 01:45 PM Re: Going To Try- Working Title [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Jen Shaner Offline
Top 200 Poster
Jen Shaner  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Appomattox Va
Hi Travis! Thanks for catching that...went back and added the word in..


Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
#1129314 - 07/26/17 12:27 AM Re: Going To Try- Working Title [Re: Jen Shaner]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 271
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 271
Jen,

This is a compelling write poetically, very focused in tone and execution. I wonder a bit though how it would translate to song—in that a lot of this works for poetry, but may not translate as smoothly to song lyric. For example, there’s some passive voice that could trip up a melody—e.g., “until all the odds I defy”; and “some faith I can give”. I’d be curious as to what tune you have in mind, as I think the lyrics may need to be shaped a bit around the melody. But as it stands, this is a well done piece that could easily translate to song. I really enjoyed reading and commenting on it. Nice job!

Best regards,

Deej

#1129352 - 07/27/17 07:57 AM Re: Going To Try- Working Title [Re: Jen Shaner]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 856
Martin Lide Online content
Top 500 Poster
Martin Lide  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 856
Houston, Texas
As I was reading this, I was thinking exactly what Deej wrote. It's a lovely and nicely written sentiment and seems appropriate as it stands...a poem.

My only suggestion would be to title it "Stepping Stone" and work that into your chorus, if you want it to be a song...or a poem. Comes out of your verse. Pleasant metaphor that evokes a clear mental image.

Martin

#1129444 - 07/31/17 07:15 PM Re: Going To Try- Working Title [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Jen Shaner Offline
Top 200 Poster
Jen Shaner  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Appomattox Va
Hi Deej! Hi Martin! Thanks for your feedback. I actually started the write and changed it as I developed the melody. I have sung it numerous times without tripping up and recorded myself singing it for my support group, but hate my voice...choke when I try to sing loud enough for human ears too...

I like the title Stepping Stone but not sure how to work it into the chorus...Though I do know songs that the title isn't clearly used. It's a thought though.I appreciate the kind words and suggestions!

Jen


Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
sravy, NielsA, sevenoak88, ClaytonBlas1, Mella
20951 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics117,017
Posts1,101,938
Members20,951
Average Posts Daily24
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"Quality = Longevity." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
jarrydee (43)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0