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#1129016 - 07/12/17 08:48 PM Everlasting  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,223
Christine Ledford Offline
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Christine Ledford  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,223
Dayton, Ohio
An English Sonnet for those I've loved and lost.

Everlasting

I dream of fireflies gliding ’round your face
and sunset clouds of every color known,
to grant you smiles while feeling Earth’s embrace
release you ever-softly toward the throne.

Death only stings the ones you’ve left behind
as you drift toward the glory of your King.
The sweetest light and joy is yours to find
among the stars where cherished angels sing.

Like ships becoming one with ocean’s flow
pure love will carry you with gentle peace.
No fear surrounds, no pain to ever know
this everlasting beauty will not cease.

And though I miss your presence here with me ...
I celebrate this moment that you see.

~*~
© Christine Ledford


Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
#1129030 - 07/13/17 10:45 AM Re: Everlasting [Re: Christine Ledford]  
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lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
always I wish them back, and there is a certain peace we get with these thoughts. Nice work Christine....and thank you for stopping and commenting on my write. Have a great day....

Last edited by lane1777; 07/13/17 10:46 AM.

"Grace always pours from a closing wound"
#1129055 - 07/15/17 12:38 AM Re: Everlasting [Re: Christine Ledford]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Deej56  Online Content
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Great opening line—“I dream of fireflies”—very visual. Some nice lines throughout; I particularly like “death only stings the one’s you’ve left behind” and “everlasting beauty will not cease”. My only suggestion is to think about condensing your lines where possible—“I dream of fireflies around your face”; “death only stings the one’s left behind”; and perhaps delete the “this” and say more assertively that “everlasting beauty cannot cease.”

All just suggestions, Christine. As it is, a wonderful and heartfelt piece. Thanks for sharing.

Regards

Deej

#1129081 - 07/16/17 06:39 AM Re: Everlasting [Re: Christine Ledford]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Christine Ledford Offline
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Christine Ledford  Offline
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Posts: 1,223
Dayton, Ohio
Thank you very much, lane. I appreciate you taking time to read and comment. And yes, we always wish them back!

~

Thanks, Deej. You make a good point about condensing, but a sonnet must have 10 syllables and a set meter in each line, so condensing won't work with this structure. (Though I did break the rules by splitting 14 lines into stanzas. wink ) Still, it's something to think about if this were rewritten in a different form. I appreciate your thoughts on this!


Change the world...one act of random kindness at a time.
#1129093 - 07/16/17 01:31 PM Re: Everlasting [Re: Christine Ledford]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,452
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Beautiful.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1129116 - 07/17/17 08:41 PM Re: Everlasting [Re: Christine Ledford]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Deej56  Online Content
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Christine,

Totally my bad--I missed reading your note ahead of the poem that it's a sonnet. But shame on me for not knowing regardless. Sure, it may be interesting to play with it in a different form, but as written it's very well done and I enjoyed reading it again. I promise to be more observant in the future (though won't promise that will make any of my comments any more intelligent smirk!)

All the best,

Deej


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