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#1071937 01/18/15 07:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878
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Likes: 2
I deliver flowers a few times a year during the peak periods. The shop I deliver for has one lady who receives flowers quite frequently from one gentleman, and very often I was the one who got the call to go to this delivery. It is in a workplace where only the receiving department is allowed to sign for such packages. Therefore I never saw the lady who was the recipient of these so frequent flower deliveries, making it seem like I know her even though I've never seen her face, thus the inspiration for this piece.


I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU
(THOUGH I’VE NEVER SEEN YOUR FACE)

c2014 Brian Beecher

It was a bright sunny morning
And as I loaded flowers in my car
I noticed first and foremost
Your name on the tag before I could go far

As I reached for the door handle
A funny feeling would come over me
I’d leave the package on the table
But your face I wouldn’t see

I feel like I know you
The flowers I deliver say it all
And I wonder how you’re doing
Every time I make the call

The packages sent from one
Who wants you to be his valentine
And if I were to meet you
Would I end up wishing you were mine

I’ll drop the flowers in the room
Then I’ll drive away to the next place
I’ll be wondering about you
Though I won’t get to see your face

I feel like I know you
The flowers I deliver say it all
And I wonder how you’re doing
Every time I make the call

I feel like I know you
You’re probably a lady full of grace
I have been having thoughts about you
Though I’ve never seen your face





Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
This is an interesting piece and has some great potential with just a little bit of editing and adding a little mystery. Again, only suggestions and it is fine if you don't like them but I think that it reads a little better and helps bring the listener into the mind of the singer instead of relating a story. Here's how I see it:

A bright sunny morning
Loaded (the) flowers in my car
I noticed it right away
Your name on the tag before I got far

I reached for the door handle
An eerie feeling came over me
I’d leave the bouquet on the table
But your face I wouldn’t see

I feel like I know you
The flowers I deliver say it all
I wonder how you’re doing
Every time I get that call

The packages sent from one
Who wants to be your valentine
So if I were to meet you
Would you end up being mine

I’ll leave the flowers in the room
And drive off to the next place
Always wondering about you
Never getting to see your face
(I don't know as this verse adds anything)

I feel like I know you
The flowers I deliver say it all
I wonder how you’re doing
Every time I get that call

I feel like I know you
My ghostly lady full of grace
I've been thinking a lot about you
Having never seen your face

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
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Posts: 7,712
A novel idea, that you can come to know a person by the flowers they send and receive.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
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T
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Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Great opportunity for a lyric Brian good story.It's the every day things that make the best lyrics!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878
Likes: 2
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878
Likes: 2
I am still in the midst of reposting all the lyrics I had written to my new flash drive. Being that there is nearly a quarter century full of the them at an average of 60+ per year makes the task a bit daunting. Now that I have come to this one I can share an update on this true story. I had learned that this lady ended up marrying the man who sent all the flowers and relocated with him to Texas from here in the Chicago area. She was really one of the bigwigs at the company she worked at, and she gave it all up to began a new life. Have no idea, however, as to if she began a new career in her new locale or what.

Last edited by beechnut79; 07/06/17 10:23 AM.
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,164
Likes: 5
C
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C
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,164
Likes: 5
Hi Brian...I rarely critique but I thought I could offer some worthwhile advice here.

1) if I hadn't read your intro I wouldn't know what the lyric was about until the chorus. l could piece it together but for a lyric like this, it's too vague. Just say he delivers flowers in the verse and say something more meaningful with that line in the chorus.

I don't like using my own stuff as an example but here goes...look at the first vs of People Who Don't Wanna Be Found. Before the chorus we learn the narrator was a cop who lost his job because he hurt a criminal who hurt a woman. Now he's a PI. That sets up the rest of the story. You have eight lines before your first ch. Choose your words carefully and say as much as you can with as few words as possible. Listen to how much info Robbie Robertson packs into the first vs of The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.

2) the lyric meters poorly. It would hard to put a strong melody to it. That's common for internet lyrics.

Hope that helps.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 07/08/17 03:03 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love

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