Who's Online Now
24 registered members (couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Gavin Sinclair, Bobby Wayne, 9ne, Fdemetrio, Deej56, Colin Ward, 6 invisible), and 306 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
niteshift
niteshift
Sydney, Australia
Posts: 5,391
Joined: December 2006
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Our Song
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:50 PM
Miracle Pill
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:45 PM
One More Chance
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:40 PM
In My Blood
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:38 PM
Come and Bring Constance
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:33 PM
Can't Love No-One But Her
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:28 PM
Turning 60
by Douglas Murphy. 07/22/18 04:23 PM
Rocked to the Bone. ( Rewrite)
by Travis david. 07/22/18 01:43 PM
The Biggest Damn Baby In The World
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/22/18 01:29 PM
XTC this is pop...
by Fdemetrio. 07/22/18 11:33 AM
Smoke And Mirrors
by floyd jane. 07/22/18 09:14 AM
Please "like" my photo - Colin
by Colin Ward. 07/22/18 08:31 AM
New CD from Colin's band, Rosewood Creek
by niteshift. 07/21/18 11:30 PM
My Name Is Death
by E Swartz. 07/21/18 10:28 PM
Hometown Refugee
by E Swartz. 07/21/18 10:17 PM
So Where Does Your Song Rank On Ourstage?
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/20/18 06:54 PM
How To Cover A Dylan Song
by Sue Rarick. 07/20/18 12:06 PM
Stock Footage
by Sue Rarick. 07/20/18 12:02 PM
Wounds that Time Won't Heal
by Travis david. 07/20/18 05:45 AM
Five Hundred Miles [Cover]
by Douglas Murphy. 07/19/18 07:17 PM
I Can't Stand Still
by 9ne. 07/19/18 03:14 PM
top ten songwriters of the last fifty years.
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 01:21 PM
Race to the Bottom
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/19/18 12:40 PM
Been on My Mind Too Long
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:58 AM
Yes I really do care
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:56 AM
Grace, Healing, Wonder and Love
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:52 AM
Throw Another Brick On Me
by beechnut79. 07/19/18 11:50 AM
Chatham NYer Just won GRAND PRIZE on OurStage!
by winfilm. 07/19/18 09:07 AM
Letters From Alcatraz
by couchgrouch. 07/18/18 07:42 PM
I Remember Autumn
by Douglas Murphy. 07/18/18 07:22 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,524
Travis david 10,937
Kevin Emmrich 10,539
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,835
glynda 8,574
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,894
Corey 7,357
couchgrouch 7,327
Dave Rice 6,743
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,434
Joe Wrabek 6,402
ben willis 6,092
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Vicarn 5,690
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,391
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,618
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,365
Bob Cushing 4,351
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,029
Roy Cooper 3,999
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,782
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
beechnut79 3,391
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
E Swartz 3,138
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,885
Harriet Ames 2,869
Nigel Quin 2,806
MidniteBob 2,706
Nelson 2,562
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,182
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,949
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
maccharles 1,859
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,626
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,577
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Janice & Bud 1,464
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,452
Ralph Blight 1,440
Chuck Crowe 1,435
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
GocartMoz 1,341
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,085
Gerry 1,084
joro 1,077
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
lane1777 1,015
Martin Lide 1,006
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 930
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
tbryson 737
Andy K 734
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 722
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
9ne 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Deej56 655
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Irwin 589
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 565
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
Moosesong 530
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Fdemetrio 495
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 463
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Alek 352
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
markus-ky 280
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1127927 - 05/22/17 07:01 AM He Found God At A Run Down Motel  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
"HE FOUND GOD AT A RUN DOWN HOTEL"

By Barry David Butler

His life was falling apart
He was way down and out
On his back beggin for mercy...
He was in trouble there was no doubt.


His life was spiralling out of control
He was lost and so depressed
Didn't know what he was goin to do
Couldn't of imagined what would happened next...

(Chorus)

He found God at a run down motel
On a cold and wintry night
When he opened The King James Bible
That was on the dresser next to the light

He found God at a run down motel
Where he went to end his life
But God had spoken to him and said
"Go home to your kids and wife"...
He found God at a run down motel

He became addicted to drugs
After hurting his lower back
Tried to quit it on his own
But he was really under attack

He was fired from his great job
And estranged from his Family too
He was living in an old motel
And just didn't know what to do

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

We all find God in different ways
But He is always there to be found
Just ask and He will arrive
God is always around

Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 01:12 PM.
#1128150 - 06/01/17 06:19 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,965
nightengale Offline
Top 100 Poster
nightengale  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,965
Eugene, Or USA
Awesome song Barry!

Geneva

#1128154 - 06/01/17 08:44 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks SO MUCH Geneva as nobody commented on this little story I wrote.
I got discouraged when nobody seemed to comment.

DO YOU think I should make it into a Song?

Thanks again and it IS a Compelling Story that just jumped into my head a few weeks ago and wrote it in five minutes.....

#1128157 - 06/01/17 09:37 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,965
nightengale Offline
Top 100 Poster
nightengale  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,965
Eugene, Or USA
The boards are kinda dead but such a great

meaningful lyric would make a great song.

Geneva

#1128158 - 06/01/17 10:07 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 274
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 274
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I'm not really into this kind of song, but I can appreciate the art of writing one. I think you have a great idea. The story is simple and direct and the hook line/title is memorable. Love the chorus.

It seems to me that it would be worth working a little more on it.. What did he find in the bible that turned things around? If you could quote a specific verse, that would set it apart from generic songs of this type.

There are a few filler lines that seem to be there to achieve the rhyme. I think you are missing an opportunity there to have some more powerful emotional content. I'm thinking of lines like:
"He was in trouble there was no doubt."
and
"And just didn't know what to do"
and
"But he was really under attack"

That last line is part of what I think is maybe the weakest part of the song....:

He became addicted to drugs
After hurting his lower back
Tried to quit it on his own
But he was really under attack

How about something like...

The drugs that had made him their slave
Couldn't kill the pain in his back
But something else inside had died
And there was no way back

I think you have something here, Barry. Good stuff.

#1128163 - 06/01/17 10:55 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks for TAKING THE TIME to do all of this.
I like your suggestions and IF I get a melody and sing it and decide to use your suggestions I'll make you the co writer of the lyrics.....OF Course nothing will come of this but I keep trying....I wanted to keep it short because in todays world of songs it must be about 3 minutes SO it can't get too specific....As far as a verse in the Bible maybe but just finding the Bible and Hearing about God is cool....Many don't think about God or Dying or Illness BUT like ME ( Have Cancer ) you start thinking about these things...SO as a Singer Songwriter I write songs about it.....I have a great song called "HEY GOD IT'S ME AGAIN" and others. Thanks again for the ideas and taking to time to comment on it to me.....Barry...

#1128172 - 06/01/17 04:23 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 274
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 274
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Glad you appreciated my comments, Barry. Not everyone does smile

I appreciate the co-writer offer, but it's really not necessary. It's your song. I'm only doing what we all do here and trying to help.

#1128174 - 06/01/17 05:05 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
OK Great ....Not sure if I'm going to make a song out of this anyway....

#1128318 - 06/08/17 12:37 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 220
John Paragreen Offline
Serious Contributor
John Paragreen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 220
Scotland
Hi B,I like the title/idea.but for me there are a lot of confusing lines, if he was so down and out how did he afford a room at the
Holiday inn, also I'd use the title hook as the last line of the chorus. kinda leave the listener in the Holiday inn,
I'd encourage you to not abandon this but to carry on changing it,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1128319 - 06/08/17 12:43 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: John Paragreen]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks for stopping by.....I've changed it to a Run Down Motel and have got a melody so it will be a song soon.
Good Point you made.....

Another good point you made is the last line in the chorus should end with
He Found God At a Run Down Motel...
He could also have broken in to the Motel.
I think I'll leave the 8 lines in the chorus but add the line as an after line....THANKS for the good ideas...

Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 12:47 PM.
#1128760 - 06/29/17 03:10 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 195
Dennis Wright Offline
Serious Contributor
Dennis Wright  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 195
GA, USA
Beautiful! I would change Wintry to Winter. I love the lyric my friend. God bless!

#1128762 - 06/29/17 03:52 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Dennis Wright]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Barry David Butler Offline
Top 100 Poster
Barry David Butler  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,259
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks SO MUCH Dennis.....I'm in the Process of Making this into my Next Song.....
Thanks for the nice comment....


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Adam_of_the_Universe, Carakus, winfilm, Liburan_Lombok, azmaster
21059 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,160
Posts1,113,427
Members21,060
Average Posts Daily29
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"A lot of people will tell you that preparation is what will make you successful. But I think that people misunderstand exactly what that means sometimes. The type of preparation you need most is the kind that allows you to instantly seize an opportunity, change your course based on a momentary circumstance, and grab hold of the totally unexpected when it happens, and allow it to take you for the ride of your life! That is the kind of preparation that can lead to the most enjoyable type of success." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
andrew keats (23), krazyjeg82 (36)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0