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#1128559 - 06/18/17 06:10 PM "Camera Toward the Mirro"  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
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JamesE  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
put this one together this weekend.

https://soundcloud.com/user-482925652/camera-toward-mirror

Camera Toward The Mirror

Darkness falls like thunder all around my bed
Leaving little chance for sleep again tonight
I stumble to another room and there upon the wall
Pure innocence in Tri-X black and white

Our newborn hopes and promises stripped of all pretense
Come spilling like a fountain from the frame
Emotions washing over me the image holds much more
Than 8 by 10 could possibly contain

You turned your camera toward the mirror caught our spirits in contrast
Were you focused on the future or were you looking to the past
I still remain a captive of this scene that you devised
And more so by the mystery that’s there within your eyes

Did your life unfold in colors more than your lens reveals
Was your heart exposed to things you never dreamed
Is there something deep inside you just beyond your reach
A precious jewel that’s yet to be redeemed

The ticking of the mantel clock the scratch of pen to page
Companions to this midnight sleepless mind
The ghost trapped in this photograph unwilling now to share
The answers to the questions that I find


"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1128568 - 06/19/17 09:13 AM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 892
Martin Lide Offline
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Martin Lide  Offline
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Houston, Texas
Pretty, James.

#1128571 - 06/19/17 11:31 AM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 208
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Nice one, James. Do you think maybe it could do with a little more variation melodically? The chorus is pretty much the same as the verses, so what you have is basically the same 4 lines sung 7 times.

I like the thoughtful lyrics a lot. The one thing I wasn't 100% sure about was the first line. The idea of darkness falling like thunder is certainly unusual, which is obviously a good thing, but I had a bit of a problem picturing/hearing that. Maybe if it was a low rumbling thunder. I had a clap of thunder in my mind.

I enjoyed listening.

#1128595 - 06/20/17 04:35 PM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,333
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Posts: 6,333
Texas
I still have not figured out whether it's your words or that simple, straightforward vocal delivery you bring us... James... but whatever it is, keep bringing it. Much talent!

#1128602 - 06/20/17 11:18 PM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Deej56  Online Content
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James,

Another impressive piece. Really, you have a wonderful control of language—concise imagery that really adds substance to your tunes. I do wish there was a bit more melodic differentiation on the chorus here—some distinctive hook to grab the ear. It actually works just fine on this piece, but having listened to a number of your pieces, you’re such a good player, songwriter, and singer that I’d love to see you get more daring with the melodies and chord changes in your songs. Just my two cents, which, as they are in real life, are pretty much worthless, but there it is.

You are incredibly talented.

Regards,

Deej

#1128607 - 06/21/17 07:15 AM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
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JamesE  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by Deej56
James,

Another impressive piece. Really, you have a wonderful control of language—concise imagery that really adds substance to your tunes. I do wish there was a bit more melodic differentiation on the chorus here—some distinctive hook to grab the ear. It actually works just fine on this piece, but having listened to a number of your pieces, you’re such a good player, songwriter, and singer that I’d love to see you get more daring with the melodies and chord changes in your songs. Just my two cents, which, as they are in real life, are pretty much worthless, but there it is.

You are incredibly talented.

Regards,

Deej


Many thanks and a good laugh too. Your wish is my wish, more chords etc. but playing the 5-string banjo, fiddle and a few other instruments with other folks has kept this 4 year old guitar picker with a limited amount of time to learn and incorporate what my friend John Hartford called "fancy chords". Still learning.

Thanks!


"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1128640 - 06/23/17 08:04 PM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,387
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
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Wisconsin
Still loving your style, James. An awesome chorus that says so much. Well done

Ricki

#1128674 - 06/25/17 01:38 PM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
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JamesE  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by Ricki E. Bellos
Still loving your style, James. An awesome chorus that says so much. Well done

Ricki


Finally had a chance to look, read and say thank you! Much appreciated. Life gets crazy busy sometimes!


"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1128677 - 06/25/17 03:30 PM Re: "Camera Toward the Mirro" [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,658
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi James,

Another possibility--especially if you feel locked in with your lead vocal and its humble range--would be to add higher note block harmonies in choice spots. Especially the "you turned your camera" part which seems like it's the chorus. Melodically, it's hard to tell, since the chorus enters with the vocals in the same general area, and the guitar arrangements remains unvaried.

But the overall performance is pretty nice. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)

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