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#1128379 - 06/11/17 07:02 PM Yesterday is Killin' Me new version  
Joined: Sep 2009
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Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
I originally got a large response to this song==Been working on the lyrics for a while and decided to see if I helped it with ideas offered by JPfolks from the past! It's still done with my tele and vibro champ in Garageband. I appreciate any response as always

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13579657


YESTERDAY IS KILLIN' ME
© 2017 Mackie Humphries

V1
Old picture shows never end happy
There’s always another heart breaker
One who charms her with all his favors
And promises the whole damn valley.

V2
My dream plays out leaving me lonely
Slammin’ doors echo now she’s gone
Two empty arms reach to hold on
But all that’s left is her memory.

CH
Everybody said she’s the killin’ kind
I wasn’t strong enough to turn away
Thought in time she would love me
But this fool can’t forget his Yesterday......
……………….Yesterday is killin’ me.

.................SHORT SOLO...............

V3
Another night I’ll set her free
There’s no way back to long time ago
I raise my glass for one last toast
Yesterday was never meant for me.

CH
Everybody said she’s the killin’ kind
I wasn’t strong enough to turn away
Thought in time she would love me
But this fool can’t forget his Yesterday......
……………….Yesterday is killin’ me.
………….……Yesterday is killin’ me..
……………….Yesterday is killin’ me.
………….……Yesterday is killin’ me.


Mackie

#1128389 - 06/12/17 08:12 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Dave Rice Online content
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Hi Mackie:

Since I did not hear the previous version (or versions, if you are like me)... I can't compare or present contrasting views. To me, the song has a strong message of anguish about lost love... or probably love that never was!

The story is there... and I hope you won't stop your efforts to turn it into a perfect song. I believe some of the words need to be changed to say the same thing you are intending... in order to make the phrasing better. The rhyming structure may be intentional on your part but the lines don't seem to be supporting each other in every verse. Grind away at it, my friend... it can be the perfect song you seek.

Always remember that my opinions are nothing more than the opinions of an unsuccessful songwriter, addicted to this curious, demanding mistress we call the Muse. You can do this... I've heard the results of your best songs and they are gems.

All my best, ----Dave

#1128391 - 06/12/17 09:07 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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E Swartz Online content
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E Swartz  Online Content
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Hey Mackie!

Always nice seeing you around. Dave always has good advice for sure. I think I remember this song, but at my age, I remember the long past better than moderate recent past.......My thoughts are, I'd like seeing the chorus distinguish itself more immediately. If I wasn't reading along, I may not know we entered the "hook." It might require a slight chord,change, or maybe a PC musically--not sure, as production tweaks can also enhance transition areas of songs. You might also lyrically want to experiment with having the chorus begin with "Yesterday's Killing Me," as that phrase "states the theme" theme and may also help launch the chorus better along with a solid music transition. Just a couple thoughts should you want to take the song back in production.

Great concept and title--soooooo many can and will relate. Many happily married people even still have old scars from past relationships that sometimes tug at their heartstrings. Funny thing and coincidental, but just this last night I had a "dream" about an old girl friend from 40 years ago........it was a ridiculous dream about we were walking downtown Columbus, Ohio trying to find a breakfast diner to have breakfast. Every time we would walk by a restaurant she'd say no not this place, and I was getting extremely frustrated because I was hungry! Sadly, no romance in the dream--pretty boring! Anyway, I'm happily married and rarely think of that old girlfriend, but obviously in my subconscious she still lingers! But no question I felt a bit of melancholy after awakening------but was relieved that I could finally have a real breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure however that many folks have "serious emotional heartaches" about "Yesterday's Killing Me."

Regards,

steady-eddie.

#1128399 - 06/12/17 11:17 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Dave Rice]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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Dave--

i appreciate your critique--this one is 5 years old, but still hasn't found closure.

I originally had the CH first, but the song was too long--I thought of "hurtin' kind", but it wasn't strong enough.

I know this song has a lot of truth, if I can get it worked out--I'm like many writers, the message is there, it just needs some help to be elevated!

I always listen to the ideas you offer.

Mackie

#1128401 - 06/12/17 12:30 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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HI Mackie
I don't recall hearing the original. I believe that Dave and Ed hit the nail on the head about the song. I feel the chorus is not standing out enough...and I also like the idea of ED to bookend the hook of the chorus and say yesterday is killing me at the first of the chorus and at the end.
I wish you much luck with it
smile Keep writing
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
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#1128403 - 06/12/17 02:19 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Eddie

Thanks for your thoughts!

When I redo the song, I'll add an intro: something like "YESTERDAY IS KILLIN' ME, NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D SET ME FREE"

I could go the minor CH melody! I'm always open to CO-LAB!

Mackie

#1128413 - 06/12/17 04:35 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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hey Mackie,great to hear you again!A lot of pain spillin' out on this one. Mike

#1128424 - 06/12/17 07:53 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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E Swartz Online content
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Ohio
Mackie,

Send me the chords, and I'll look at the chorus and see if I get an inspiration, but if it's a minor tweak, no need to give me a collab--I'm happy to help if I've an idea that may work better. Send me the chords/lyrics PM.

steady-eddie.

#1128428 - 06/12/17 11:06 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Kim

Thanks for your thoughts and the visit--I'm trying to get back to writing some!

Mackie

#1128429 - 06/12/17 11:12 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Thanks Michael--

I've been in a slowdown mode for a while--aging gracefully, I guess you could say!

Mackie

#1128430 - 06/12/17 11:17 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie--

I'll think about your critique and offer of help--I'll be on vacation until after the 4th of July, If you are still interested, I'll send the chords and lyrics with any ideas I stumble upon!

Mackie

#1128438 - 06/13/17 09:18 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Dave Rice Online content
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Hi again, Mackie:

I'm so pleased to read that Eddie is willing to "take a shot" at your song. He is generous to a fault... and I always admire his critiques. Never "talking down" to those who pour their hearts and souls into songwriting or lyrics. Get that well-deserved vacation done and then send him that lyric sheet and chords. You two are pretty darn special to my way of thinking... and I can't wait to hear the result of your combined efforts on this. Songwriting and recording are always a "risk" because it is so easy for people to criticize without being positive. All of us need support and positive feedback... because our "hobby" is an under-appreciated artform... unless we happen to "find the brass ring"... LOL! (All it takes is one!)

Regards and best wishes, my friend. ----Dave

#1128465 - 06/14/17 09:45 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Hey Mackie,

Good to hear another "heartbreak" song from you. Your tunes seem to have a common theme and you do them so well. Looking forward to hear what Eddie brings. Love what i hear so far.

Dave

#1128531 - 06/16/17 03:51 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Dave Rice]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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Dave R--

Thanks for the followup! Nothing is in the works yet with Eddie--We're just talking right now!

Mackie

#1128555 - 06/18/17 11:02 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Dave Moz--

Thanks for checking this one--

I bought a new Acoustic--a James Neglin--It has that cool sound playing through my Fender Vibro Champ!

I'll have to write something with it!

Mackie

#1128638 - 06/23/17 08:52 PM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Good to hear you posting again Mackie. Definitely a lyric many can relate to and your musical style is always enjoyable.

That said, I feel a disconnect with V1. It doesn't relate to the rest of the song, doesn't smoothly lead into the next verse and if you eliminated it completely and started the song with V2, you wouldn't really lose anything of the story.
Just a thought.

Ricki

#1128665 - 06/25/17 09:36 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki--

Thanks for your thoughts!

I'll see what I can do with the transition, when I redo this one!

Always appreciate your input!

Mackie

#1128688 - Yesterday at 02:14 AM Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Drifter Offline
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Hey, Mackie! Long time my friend. I like this tune. There's nothing like a nostalgic look back at the past even though it's a painful one in this case. You do a good job at describing how it feels to get your heart broken. Quite well done!


"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

"A song is anything that can walk by itself." - Bob Dylan

Myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/davidjacksonsongwriter

Soundclick:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1079737
#1128716 - 4 hours ago Re: Yesterday is Killin' Me new version [Re: Mackie H.]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Hi Mackie.
So much pathos in your voice.
I agree that the chorus needs some work as it slides almost unnoticed out of the verse. Not always a bad thing though.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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