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#1127927 - 05/22/17 07:01 AM He Found God At A Run Down Motel  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Sebring, Florida USA
"HE FOUND GOD AT A RUN DOWN HOTEL"

By Barry David Butler

His life was falling apart
He was way down and out
On his back beggin for mercy...
He was in trouble there was no doubt.


His life was spiralling out of control
He was lost and so depressed
Didn't know what he was goin to do
Couldn't of imagined what would happened next...

(Chorus)

He found God at a run down motel
On a cold and wintry night
When he opened The King James Bible
That was on the dresser next to the light

He found God at a run down motel
Where he went to end his life
But God had spoken to him and said
"Go home to your kids and wife"...
He found God at a run down motel

He became addicted to drugs
After hurting his lower back
Tried to quit it on his own
But he was really under attack

He was fired from his great job
And estranged from his Family too
He was living in an old motel
And just didn't know what to do

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

We all find God in different ways
But He is always there to be found
Just ask and He will arrive
God is always around

Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 01:12 PM.
#1128150 - 06/01/17 06:19 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,964
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,964
Eugene, Or USA
Awesome song Barry!

Geneva

#1128154 - 06/01/17 08:44 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks SO MUCH Geneva as nobody commented on this little story I wrote.
I got discouraged when nobody seemed to comment.

DO YOU think I should make it into a Song?

Thanks again and it IS a Compelling Story that just jumped into my head a few weeks ago and wrote it in five minutes.....

#1128157 - 06/01/17 09:37 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,964
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
The boards are kinda dead but such a great

meaningful lyric would make a great song.

Geneva

#1128158 - 06/01/17 10:07 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I'm not really into this kind of song, but I can appreciate the art of writing one. I think you have a great idea. The story is simple and direct and the hook line/title is memorable. Love the chorus.

It seems to me that it would be worth working a little more on it.. What did he find in the bible that turned things around? If you could quote a specific verse, that would set it apart from generic songs of this type.

There are a few filler lines that seem to be there to achieve the rhyme. I think you are missing an opportunity there to have some more powerful emotional content. I'm thinking of lines like:
"He was in trouble there was no doubt."
and
"And just didn't know what to do"
and
"But he was really under attack"

That last line is part of what I think is maybe the weakest part of the song....:

He became addicted to drugs
After hurting his lower back
Tried to quit it on his own
But he was really under attack

How about something like...

The drugs that had made him their slave
Couldn't kill the pain in his back
But something else inside had died
And there was no way back

I think you have something here, Barry. Good stuff.

#1128163 - 06/01/17 10:55 AM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks for TAKING THE TIME to do all of this.
I like your suggestions and IF I get a melody and sing it and decide to use your suggestions I'll make you the co writer of the lyrics.....OF Course nothing will come of this but I keep trying....I wanted to keep it short because in todays world of songs it must be about 3 minutes SO it can't get too specific....As far as a verse in the Bible maybe but just finding the Bible and Hearing about God is cool....Many don't think about God or Dying or Illness BUT like ME ( Have Cancer ) you start thinking about these things...SO as a Singer Songwriter I write songs about it.....I have a great song called "HEY GOD IT'S ME AGAIN" and others. Thanks again for the ideas and taking to time to comment on it to me.....Barry...

#1128172 - 06/01/17 04:23 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
Glad you appreciated my comments, Barry. Not everyone does smile

I appreciate the co-writer offer, but it's really not necessary. It's your song. I'm only doing what we all do here and trying to help.

#1128174 - 06/01/17 05:05 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Sebring, Florida USA
OK Great ....Not sure if I'm going to make a song out of this anyway....

#1128318 - 06/08/17 12:37 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 206
John Paragreen Offline
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John Paragreen  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 206
Scotland
Hi B,I like the title/idea.but for me there are a lot of confusing lines, if he was so down and out how did he afford a room at the
Holiday inn, also I'd use the title hook as the last line of the chorus. kinda leave the listener in the Holiday inn,
I'd encourage you to not abandon this but to carry on changing it,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1128319 - 06/08/17 12:43 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: John Paragreen]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
Top 200 Poster
Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks for stopping by.....I've changed it to a Run Down Motel and have got a melody so it will be a song soon.
Good Point you made.....

Another good point you made is the last line in the chorus should end with
He Found God At a Run Down Motel...
He could also have broken in to the Motel.
I think I'll leave the 8 lines in the chorus but add the line as an after line....THANKS for the good ideas...

Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 12:47 PM.
#1128760 - 06/29/17 03:10 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 186
Dennis Wright Offline
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Dennis Wright  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 186
GA, USA
Beautiful! I would change Wintry to Winter. I love the lyric my friend. God bless!

#1128762 - 06/29/17 03:52 PM Re: He Found God At A Holiday Inn [Re: Dennis Wright]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,573
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Sebring, Florida USA
Thanks SO MUCH Dennis.....I'm in the Process of Making this into my Next Song.....
Thanks for the nice comment....


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