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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2011
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"HE FOUND GOD AT A RUN DOWN HOTEL"
By Barry David Butler
His life was falling apart He was way down and out On his back beggin for mercy... He was in trouble there was no doubt.
His life was spiralling out of control He was lost and so depressed Didn't know what he was goin to do Couldn't of imagined what would happened next...
(Chorus)
He found God at a run down motel On a cold and wintry night When he opened The King James Bible That was on the dresser next to the light
He found God at a run down motel Where he went to end his life But God had spoken to him and said "Go home to your kids and wife"... He found God at a run down motel He became addicted to drugs After hurting his lower back Tried to quit it on his own But he was really under attack
He was fired from his great job And estranged from his Family too He was living in an old motel And just didn't know what to do
(Repeat Chorus)
(Bridge)
We all find God in different ways But He is always there to be found Just ask and He will arrive God is always around
Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 01:12 PM.
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Awesome song Barry!
Geneva
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Thanks SO MUCH Geneva as nobody commented on this little story I wrote. I got discouraged when nobody seemed to comment.
DO YOU think I should make it into a Song?
Thanks again and it IS a Compelling Story that just jumped into my head a few weeks ago and wrote it in five minutes.....
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The boards are kinda dead but such a great
meaningful lyric would make a great song.
Geneva
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Joined: May 2017
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I'm not really into this kind of song, but I can appreciate the art of writing one. I think you have a great idea. The story is simple and direct and the hook line/title is memorable. Love the chorus.
It seems to me that it would be worth working a little more on it.. What did he find in the bible that turned things around? If you could quote a specific verse, that would set it apart from generic songs of this type.
There are a few filler lines that seem to be there to achieve the rhyme. I think you are missing an opportunity there to have some more powerful emotional content. I'm thinking of lines like: "He was in trouble there was no doubt." and "And just didn't know what to do" and "But he was really under attack"
That last line is part of what I think is maybe the weakest part of the song....:
He became addicted to drugs After hurting his lower back Tried to quit it on his own But he was really under attack
How about something like...
The drugs that had made him their slave Couldn't kill the pain in his back But something else inside had died And there was no way back
I think you have something here, Barry. Good stuff.
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Thanks for TAKING THE TIME to do all of this. I like your suggestions and IF I get a melody and sing it and decide to use your suggestions I'll make you the co writer of the lyrics.....OF Course nothing will come of this but I keep trying....I wanted to keep it short because in todays world of songs it must be about 3 minutes SO it can't get too specific....As far as a verse in the Bible maybe but just finding the Bible and Hearing about God is cool....Many don't think about God or Dying or Illness BUT like ME ( Have Cancer ) you start thinking about these things...SO as a Singer Songwriter I write songs about it.....I have a great song called "HEY GOD IT'S ME AGAIN" and others. Thanks again for the ideas and taking to time to comment on it to me.....Barry...
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Glad you appreciated my comments, Barry. Not everyone does I appreciate the co-writer offer, but it's really not necessary. It's your song. I'm only doing what we all do here and trying to help.
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OK Great ....Not sure if I'm going to make a song out of this anyway....
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Hi B,I like the title/idea.but for me there are a lot of confusing lines, if he was so down and out how did he afford a room at the Holiday inn, also I'd use the title hook as the last line of the chorus. kinda leave the listener in the Holiday inn, I'd encourage you to not abandon this but to carry on changing it, all the best,john
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Thanks for stopping by.....I've changed it to a Run Down Motel and have got a melody so it will be a song soon. Good Point you made.....
Another good point you made is the last line in the chorus should end with He Found God At a Run Down Motel... He could also have broken in to the Motel. I think I'll leave the 8 lines in the chorus but add the line as an after line....THANKS for the good ideas...
Last edited by Barry David Butler; 06/08/17 12:47 PM.
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Beautiful! I would change Wintry to Winter. I love the lyric my friend. God bless!
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Thanks SO MUCH Dennis.....I'm in the Process of Making this into my Next Song..... Thanks for the nice comment....
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