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#1127695 - 05/13/17 03:45 PM "Water Child" NEW SONG  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
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JamesE  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
When falling in love with an Aquarius anything can, did and does happen. Totally autobiographical. Not certain if any of the lyrics mean anything to anyone but me...but what the hell. I write for myself anyway. Thanks for listening.


https://soundcloud.com/user-482925652/water-child


Water Child

Skeptical of slight-of-hand, how they practice to deceive
The smell of smoke and incense, made it hard for me to breathe
You fell out of an autumn sky, found me ill-prepared
For your all dark eyed mysteries and secrets to be shared...
Raining down, pouring down drown me Water Child (2x)

Riddles danced upon the page, a cryptic test of nerve
Evoking subtle images of what future I deserve
Steering toward a darken path, about to crash and burn
Uncertain when I took your call that life would take this turn
Raining down, pouring down, drown me Water Child (2x)

Stepping out upon the ledge, itís never done in fear
Having faith that when you leap, a net will soon appear

You said sunlight through the keyhole, was no more than a clue
To see whatís on the other side, youíll have to walk on through
When Iím lost and thirst for love, and troubles take their toll
I always turn and find you there, to drench my weary soul
Raining down, pouring down, drown me Water Child (2x)


"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1127720 - 05/14/17 11:01 AM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Texas
Hi James:

I didn't want you to think I did not listen. After all, your command of lyrics is pretty-well unsurpassed here at JPF... and possibly in our musical universe. I really enjoyed the story-line... but I'll try to be as diplomatic as my pal, Steady Eddie... with my "critique." To me, the melody needs more. I can't tell you exactly what... and I know you implied "you write for yourself"... but we all say that from time to time. I hope you will grind away at this one, my friend. It has a great deal of potential. This is the first song of yours I've heard without awarding it five stars... on a scale of five.

All my best, ----Dave

#1127735 - 05/14/17 07:23 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,029
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,029
New Hampshire
James,

Awesome lyric and I'm a water sign so maybe I see something in it...LOL!

I really liked the write and I agree if you could put a little more musical emotion and movement into the melody, this would be amazing, but it is a good song!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1127825 - 05/17/17 01:30 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
California
Hi James,

I love your voice and rhythmic phrasing, and I also agree with Dave and Tammy.

One way to expand the range of a vocal melody of a song without a chorus is to just imagine a "peak" somewhere in the middle of the last verse, and just experiment letting your voice find higher notes that work. It's fine as it is, it just feels a little safe. It sounds like you've got the voice and chops to expand the melody late. Think of how Van Morrison might even repeat that "Raining down, pouring down..Water Child" tag, a few times at the end of the last verse, and give it rhythmic and melodic variations..the idea being to just mess around with it and..you never know what cool things you may discover.. smile

Nice imagery and the lyric holds up without knowing its origin.--water being a strong symbol of many things--rebirth among them..

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 05/17/17 01:34 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1127834 - 05/17/17 08:00 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,648
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,648
UK
It's all been said, I think.
You have a way with lyrics. Just need to express them more.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127842 - 05/18/17 06:19 AM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
Serious Contributor
JamesE  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
Good ideas from one and all here. The worst part about working full time and writing and playing music is....working full time! Trying to squeeze in recording time is like putting a size 10 foot in a size 8 shoe! I almost never like the finished product and wish I had more time to refine. Still, it beats sitting around on SnapChat or some other piece of telephone crap that's it there.

Cheers all!


"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1127866 - 05/18/17 06:47 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Texas
Hi again, James:

So glad you did not "freak out" at my comments. I never want to come across as a smart-A** when commenting. Tammy and Mike are wise beyond their years and always do everything possible to be positive, supportive and honest in their responses. Above all else, do not be discouraged. This song has potential... and you have so much talent.

All my best, ----Dave

#1127867 - 05/18/17 07:08 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 901
L. James Tanner Offline
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L. James Tanner  Offline
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 901
Indiana
Great lyric! and I like the melody and style very much. I get a 60's feel with this, and I really like that a lot. Some background harmonies would be great I think. Good stuff, I enjoyed this big time. My kind of tune

#1127870 - 05/18/17 08:48 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: Dave Rice]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
JamesE Offline
Serious Contributor
JamesE  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 65
[quote=Dave Rice]Hi again, James:

So glad you did not "freak out" at my comments. I never want to come across as a smart-A** when commenting. Tammy and Mike are wise beyond their years and always do everything possible to be positive, supportive and honest in their responses. Above all else, do not be discouraged. This song has potential... and you have so much talent.

howdy Dave, trust me even if I didn't agree with a word of what was suggested I would never be discouraged. It has been my pleasure to know many world class, and world famous musicians as friends in my life (not bragging) just making a point they all have one thing in common, belief in their writing and in themselves. I will quote one dear friend who I miss daily, John Hartford told me "I'm too old to give a Sh-t about what people think of my playing. There's always somebody better than you, and somebody worse than you and you can learn something from all of them". I took that to heart.

I'll keep on learning til the end.

James

Last edited by JamesE; 05/18/17 08:49 PM.

"Well alright" - John Hartford
#1127871 - 05/18/17 11:17 PM Re: "Water Child" NEW SONG [Re: JamesE]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
James,

I donít really have much to add hereóyouíve gotten some great advice. But wanted to chime in to say how much I appreciate your lyrics and your way with words. And I get the whole working full time thing. I wish I had the time to throw myself into all of this and get better, but we do what we can do with what little extra time we have. Anyways, you put out some consistently great stuff, and I look forward to your every post. Keep them coming!

All the best,

Deej


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