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#1127294 - 05/02/17 10:59 AM Words Fall Short  
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 70
Val Davis Offline
Serious Contributor
Val Davis  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 70
Lyndonville, VT USA
I would love feedback/suggestions/edits. These are my own original lyrics. Call this copyright smile


Words fall short
They can't say
What my legs feel
My mind reels
My stomach upside down

The longing
Time stops
My heart flops
Until you're near me again

It's impossible
But unstoppable
Believe me
I've tried

The day doesn't start
The sun doesn't rise
Till I see your smile
Till I see your eyes
Until you
I try to get through
But it is what it is

The fire in you
Excites me
Ignites me
Delights me
The smoke blinds me

I can't see
Anything but you
Can't hear anything but you
Don't want anything but you

If this feeling
Was a building
It would rise so high
Beyond the sky
I can step off into space


Val Davis
vald@valdavis.com
http://www.valdavis.com
Please have a listen today.
#1127302 - 05/02/17 03:08 PM Re: Words Fall Short [Re: Val Davis]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 214
John Paragreen Offline
Serious Contributor
John Paragreen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 214
Scotland
Hi V, great title/idea. but I think you need to use it more and make the lyric relate to it, right now it feels like list of short lines.
nothing wrong with short lines, but try and structure it more evenly. personally I'd go verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus
you could say all the love stuff in the verses and use the title (words fall short) to show how ever much you say,
words fall short
consider starting with

The day doesn't start
The sun doesn't rise
Till I see your smile
Till I see your eyes

this is great love stuff,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1127305 - 05/02/17 04:47 PM Re: Words Fall Short [Re: Val Davis]  
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 70
Val Davis Offline
Serious Contributor
Val Davis  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 70
Lyndonville, VT USA
Thanks John!


Val Davis
vald@valdavis.com
http://www.valdavis.com
Please have a listen today.

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