11 members (Fdemetrio, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, JAPOV, bennash, couchgrouch, Bill Draper, 3 invisible),
1,219
guests, and
257
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Travis has some great titles in his head. I changed the lyrics a little and came up with this. Not sure what genre it comes under. Comments welcome. Vic https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/the-death-of-cardsDEATH OF CARDS ©2017 John Vaughan & Vic Arnold V You always took your chances on a deck of cards, relied. You lost all your possessions, said goodbye to the bride. You cheated and deceived, tried to cover up your tracks, gambled all you needed and failed to get it back. Ch. They ought to change .. the .. name. Call it a death of cards Thought you'd tamed .. this .. game Call it the death of cards Call it the death of cards V Play the spinning wheel, back a horse or roll the dice. When the cards were on the table You took no kind advice The cops, now don't bother you. You're just that crazy guy who roams Atlantic City, since the money all ran dry. Ch. Inst. B The hands of the clock that divide your useless time between the bar room and casino, are witness to this crime. Ch.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 263
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 263 |
Travis and Vic Very unique title/hook. Wow, what a sad song. Good story-telling here. Very visual lyrics. I'd take a closer look at your lyrics. Your chorus melody is really good. Liked the bridge a lot. I'd keep working on this one. Think it has a look of potential. I heard Bruce Springsteen in the melody and your vocal that really works here. The tune also reminded me of Green Day's "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams". Thanks for sharing.
Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/22/17 12:41 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi EJ, Yes, Travis's title drew me in to this. Thank you.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi Vic and "Travis:"
Impressive write and performance. I think this is one of your best collaborations. You asked about genre classification and I would advise "Modern Country Pop"... but this classic doesn't need a stinkin' genre... LOL! Fantastic song, guys. I would offer you a contract but my Industry Contacts have either dried up in the heat or died of old age. Never desiring to make an offer that would lead you down a road to nowhere... I cannot say too many good things about this song. May it make you both rich. I'd mention fame but it usually leads to a sad ending.
Pitch it, guys. Somebody will listen.
All my best, ----Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Dave, you are always very kind with your comments, thank you.
I leave the pitching to Travis. Who knows what will become of it.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks for your feedback EJ Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Dave Thanks once again for positive comments Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Vic & Travis,
Yay! Another song for this fan to love!! Lovely, sad and pretty!
Lisa
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thank you Lisa. I haven't been called "pretty" in a while. "Sad", yes.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
NO, Vic ... Travis is pretty! You're sad and lovely! I also love how the song is loaded with depth and feeling ... very emotion-evoking ... Lisa
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
You have a great song here, one that might fit well into the contemporary soft-rock genre perhaps. Reminds me a bit of some of Bob Seger's songs.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,762 Likes: 23
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,762 Likes: 23 |
Hi guys, Back in my twenties, I was a bit of a compulsive gambler. I was a low-ball player before 'Hold "em was popular. When I lived in NYC, I even hawked my guitar a couple times for gambling money, so I am familiar with this Atlantic City guy with which you speak. Vic, nice composition and performance. I'm not wild about the chord progression in the bridge, but it could grow on me. Travis..another beautiful lyric from you. It works in spite of the hook " the death of cards" conjuring up a completely different image before hearing the entire lyric. The lyric as a whole wins me to reading the hook the way you intend (which is that cards are like a black hole that devours everything in its path, LOL), and it's important to get the hook or the song falls apart. Great work. Mike
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Calvin.Thanks friend for yourgent thumbs up Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Well, this is quite the awesome tune. EJ kinda nailed it for me--this makes me things of Springsteen. Just love the chorus, hauntingly sad--nice stops and starts. Agree with Michael that the bridge doesn't quite pop, thought it's still pretty good as is. One last thought--only because I read Travis's lyric on F3 and thought the same thing--should it be "Death of Cards" or "Death by Cards"? Albeit, "Death of Cards" sounds a lot better.
Really enjoyed the listen, Vic and Travis (and that's two in a row you've just nailed).
Regards,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thank you Beechnut. Bob Seger is fine in my book.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271 |
I really like this Vic and John...
I know its done now, but I would have suggested changing one line to go with the theme.
Just a thought..
You always took your chances on a deck of cards, relied. You lost all your possessions, said goodbye to the bride. You cheated and deceived, for a day out at the tracks, gambled all you needed and failed to get it back.
but really nice as is
God Bless Roy and Helen
Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/26/17 08:19 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thank you Michael. I may revisit the bridge (of sighs) :-)
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
I like this a lot. It's a clever take on a gambling addiction. Good musical treatment that fits perfectly. I would be careful of the enunciation of the hook so it is not mistaken for deck of cards.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704 |
Two words...Tom Waits. Too bad he writes his own stuff. "Americana" is a good catchall genre.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks DeeJ for your kind comments. Not sure about the bridge comment as I don't think a bridge should "pop". I see the bridge as a moment to drop out and reflect on all that's happened previously and then to bring everything back. I could be wrong though.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Roy. Good to see you again. I thank you for your comments and suggestions. Do you not think that "for a day out at the tracks" sounds like too much of a fun day out for this song?
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8 |
I guess I will comment on this song on every site I see it on...LOL! As you may already know...I really like it and love the way you styled the chorus. How creative and clever, it really does the lyric justice. Great collab!
Tammy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271 |
Hi Roy. Good to see you again. I thank you for your comments and suggestions. Do you not think that "for a day out at the tracks" sounds like too much of a fun day out for this song?
Vic
You are probably right Vic, however You always took your chances on a deck of cards, relied. You lost all your possessions, said goodbye to the bride. You cheated and deceived, tried to cover up your tracks, gambled all you needed and failed to get it back. I still feel that taken as a pair You cheated and deceived, tried to cover up your tracks, The 2nd line seems a bit odd. Its like he's a crook on the run or criminal or something.. maybe You always took your chances on a deck of cards, relied. You lost all your possessions, said goodbye to the bride. You cheated and deceived, to back losers at the track, gambled all you needed and failed to get it back. Sorry friend.. I always look for anything that seems out of context.. just my opinion which may be worth squat. God Bless Roy and helen
Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/27/17 04:09 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Roy The premise of a day out at the track is possibly, a fun outing a little booze a few bets on " certs" This guy however is an habitual liar gambler and cheat.He's ruined his own life and the lives of everyone who loved him I think Vic has captured this well mournful.poignant and complete desolation. We always value your comments Roy but I think the issues here are far deeper Regards to Helen and Yourself. You taught me a lot when I came on the boards!
Last edited by Travis david; 04/27/17 06:34 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271 |
Hi Roy The premise of a day out at the track is possibly, a fun outing a little booze a few bets on " certs" This guy however is an habitual liar gambler and cheat.He's ruined his own life and the lives of everyone who loved him I think Vic has captured this well mournful.poignant and complete desolation. We always value your comments Roy but I think the issues here are far deeper Regards to Helen and Yourself. You taught me a lot when I came on the boards! okey dokey Travis... point made God Bless Roy and Helen
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Lovely Lisa ( hope this isn't sexist) You have been a credit and an inspiration not only to JPF but we humble posters, throughout our writing relationship.I would also like to point out that it is strictly a writing affair! Vic is happily married and I'm happily separated. Thanks for a further thumbs up. I'm currently in Dubai in exile and trying to write more hooks for Vic. Best wishes John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Yes' he's certainly in that class, Roy.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks Colin. I get your point on the enunciation. I hope it sounds clear.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Kurt. Thanks for the kind comment. Ahh ...Tom Waits, what does he know? :-)
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Brian Thanks for your comments Travus
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Tammy. You have our permission to do just that. :-) Thank you so much for being so nice.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Michael Thanks again for your comments which thankfully have always been on the positive side. This song like our previous collaboration came about from ideas and hooks I had and Vic turned them into great songs.IMHO Cheers Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks Deej Great feedback and most welcome Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Cheers Kurt Thanks for the T.W. connection Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895 |
Another fine collab from Travis and Vic! Well written and nicely sung and produced. You are a winning team.
Ricki
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thank you Ricki. Appreciated.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
TRAVIS and VIC
I give it 5 stars!
Write and sing on!
Mackie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845 |
My kind of music, I'd call it classic rock or americana. Reminded me a bit of Mark Knopfler. Loved the vocals and the gtr solo in the bridge. I would have liked to hear that 8th note bass from the beginning, keep it in the verses, and maybe change it up to follow the vocals closer in the chorus. What my ears sought, anyway. But it's a killer tune!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks Mackie. As long as it's five out of five.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Hey Vic/Travis,
Fabulous collab! This music really grabs you, nice pauses and great drive. Nice lyrics and interesting concept.
A couple of production sugs/ideas for experimentation: Concerning the Bridge, I love how that piano launches the bridge melody, maybe enhance that a bit more. I'd also experiment having the percussion have more of a change-up with the Bridge such as soft kick/cymbal hits and just cymbals with maybe a couple well placed snare combination hits and maybe even some pauses without drums perhaps--losing the "driving" percussion within the Bridge that you have in the rest of the song--giving the Bridge a softer and more unique identity--JMO.
Like this more the 2nd time I heard here on JPF--super write both of you!
steady-eddie.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks for the interesting suggestions and for taking the time, Kolstad.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Well, Eddie. Funny thing but I was contemplating a simpler drum track for the bridge, so now you reminded me I just changed it. Thanks for the nudge.
Vic
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,754
Posts1,161,302
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|