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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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I worked with a young woman who LOVED her tattoos..she inspired this bit of a heartache song. https://soundcloud.com/user-482925652/unfinished-heartUnfinished Heart There’s a pretty tattoo beside her left breast, an unfinished heart it’s one of her best Despite what’s been said, romance isn’t dead Her name’s at the bottom but it's blank up above, this space reserved for a permanent love But as of yet, they haven’t met In barrooms and dancehalls and church group I think, still nobody’s name she's committed to ink It’s a sacred thing, much more than a ring Sometimes she talks about how hard she tries as she fights back the tears welling up in her eyes The nights are so long, but the searching goes on Her mother was married at least 3 times or 4, if she hadn’t a died there’d have been several more She put an end to her strife, when she took her own life She cries no way in hell I want to end up like mom, but I hear the clock ticking and it’s hard to stay calm Is it a crime how I feel? To want a love that is real One guy came closest of all of the men, til the night that she caught him making love to her friend The one she could trust, turned her dreams in to dust Through all of the anger, through all of the pain, she convinces herself that she’ll be right as rain Just give it some time, to clear him out of her mind. There’s a pretty tattoo beside her left breast, an unfinished heart it’s one of her best Despite what’s been said, romance isn’t dead
Last edited by JamesE; 04/25/17 09:59 AM.
"Well alright" - John Hartford
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Good lyrics and competent guitar work are the highlights of this tune.
I especially liked the 3rd verse. The performance and production are good.
As good as this is, I felt it could use a proper chorus slipped between the verses in a couple of places. It would really take this to the next level, imo.
Very nice.
Peace, TC
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Hi James. I love this. Lyric wise, one of the best I've heard here.
I agree with TC that a short chorus or even a bridge would be a nice distraction to the main flow. e.g: (assuming this is in the key of Bb) "And she waits for the day she can finally say ... this is him," Gm F Eb
There are a couple of differences in the lyrics and what you are singing but I expect you already know that.
Great. Vic
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Good lyrics and competent guitar work are the highlights of this tune.
I especially liked the 3rd verse. The performance and production are good.
As good as this is, I felt it could use a proper chorus slipped between the verses in a couple of places. It would really take this to the next level, imo.
Very nice.
Peace, TC
Hi James. I love this. Lyric wise, one of the best I've heard here.
I agree with TC that a short chorus or even a bridge would be a nice distraction to the main flow. e.g: (assuming this is in the key of Bb) "And she waits for the day she can finally say ... this is him," Gm F Eb
There are a couple of differences in the lyrics and what you are singing but I expect you already know that.
Great. Vic
Howdy TC and Vic...yeah, I do agree with the idea of a chorus (in hindsight). This came in one fell swoop and kind of "finished" itself before I had time to think about a chorus. Once I clear my head of it a bit, I will revisit it. By the way, my co-worker was just the inspiration thanks to a well placed heart...the rest is fiction. Thanks to all for the very kind words. Oh, and yes, I know I wrote one thing and sang another in places...it drives my wife crazy when we play together because I tend to change lyrics on the fly. I never read off a lyric sheet (poor eyesight). I changed the lyrics here to reflect what I actually sing.
Last edited by JamesE; 04/25/17 10:02 AM.
"Well alright" - John Hartford
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Hi James,
Great storytelling and it sounds great! Very compelling, too, how the suicide comes in the middle, when we'd normally expect it to end the song.
Lisa
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Yes, I get fickle. After listening to the original, I don't like the 2nd guitar in the mix...so it's gone. If you have a minute or two, let me know what you all think. After 30 years in studios...I HATE studio work! https://soundcloud.com/user-482925652/unfinished-heart-remix
"Well alright" - John Hartford
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James,
Really brilliant lyrics and melody. Not to pile on, but TC and Vic are spot on. Call it a chorus or a bridge, but something short after verses 2 and 4 to mix things up could really transform this song from incredibly great to amazingly awesome--which is to say, I like it as is, but think it's got such room to grow. Very cool listen.
All the best,
Deej
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Hi James, Great naturally full sound for a solo performance. I'm okay with just going to the five chord feeling like a psuedo-chorus. It sounds like a complete song to me. I love the harmony part that's almost out, it's great--like a barroom kinda harmony. Love it. Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/26/17 04:14 AM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Hi James:
I listened to the second version and really enjoyed it. As usual, I was impressed as much by your words as the music and that is usually not the case with me. Your vocal has a quality to it seldom heard at JPF. On the negative side, the duet lacks sufficient harmony to take the song where it needs to go... but negativity is not why I'm here. You have more potential than 75% of JPF's participants and I hope you will find a way to recut this one yet again. It is such a good song and has a folkish or Americana vibe that really plays well in a cozy venue.
Best of luck with this one... and all your music, my talented friend. ----Dave
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Thanks to all for the input, certainly will work on a bridge/chorus (thing). Once again, I plead GUILTY of rushing things in the studio. I have so little time to record, and yes, sometimes less interest hat I tend to slam things out.
Again, thanks one and all.
James
"Well alright" - John Hartford
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I worked with a young woman who LOVED her tattoos..she inspired this bit of a heartache song. https://soundcloud.com/user-482925652/unfinished-heartUnfinished Heart There’s a pretty tattoo beside her left breast, an unfinished heart it’s one of her best Despite what’s been said, romance isn’t dead Her name’s at the bottom but it's blank up above, this space reserved for a permanent love But as of yet, they haven’t met In barrooms and dancehalls and church group I think, still nobody’s name she's committed to ink It’s a sacred thing, much more than a ring Sometimes she talks about how hard she tries as she fights back the tears welling up in her eyes The nights are so long, but the searching goes on Her mother was married at least 3 times or 4, if she hadn’t a died there’d have been several more She put an end to her strife, when she took her own life She cries no way in hell I want to end up like mom, but I hear the clock ticking and it’s hard to stay calm Is it a crime how I feel? To want a love that is real One guy came closest of all of the men, til the night that she caught him making love to her friend The one she could trust, turned her dreams in to dust Through all of the anger, through all of the pain, she convinces herself that she’ll be right as rain Just give it some time, to clear him out of her mind. There’s a pretty tattoo beside her left breast, an unfinished heart it’s one of her best Despite what’s been said, romance isn’t dead I love the verse structure, and the way that you use words, but the song got monotonous after a while. After (no more than) two verses, you need some kind of change in melody, rhythm, and or chord structure, if you want to keep people listening. Nice lyrics, though.
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Nice write, James and I really like your style. I guess I'm with the crowd about needing a break between verses. If this was my song, I'd consider re-writing V3 to a different melody and making it bridge.
The only other thing is the way each verse ends, my ear wants to hear another chord there. I'm not astute enough to tell you which one but the musical phrase just doesn't feel resolved. Overall, I really enjoyed my listen.
Ricki
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Howdy all bridge and chorus lovers!
I've written a bride, don't hear a repeating chorus for lyrics such as these, but a middle part does work. Once I find time to recut this I'll ask your indulgence once again.
As always, thanks for the kind feedback.
james
"Well alright" - John Hartford
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what a great song!I love my Dylan so i'm used to not hearing chorus' in every song. I enjoyed it! Mike
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