Who's Online Now
19 registered members (Barry David Butler, maccharles, Everett Adams, Fdemetrio, Martin Lide, couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Calvin, 2 invisible), and 312 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
RogerS
RogerS
Dearborn, Mi
Posts: 1,461
Joined: March 2010
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
I Like Walking Beside You
by mikegouthro. 06/23/18 11:36 AM
NEVER AGAIN (The Parkland School Shooting Song)
by Barry David Butler. 06/23/18 11:33 AM
What Everyone Says
by mikegouthro. 06/23/18 11:28 AM
So Beautiful
by mikegouthro. 06/23/18 11:18 AM
Charles Krauthammer
by Ray E. Strode. 06/23/18 10:56 AM
So Blue (acquired taste song)
by John Lawrence Schick. 06/23/18 10:31 AM
Don't Feel the Rain
by Everett Adams. 06/23/18 10:09 AM
Yes I really do care
by Moosesong. 06/23/18 09:25 AM
Keep Your Head Up
by Barry David Butler. 06/23/18 08:26 AM
What is your favorite Broadway Musical Song?
by Barry David Butler. 06/23/18 08:20 AM
Win Your Heart
by floyd jane. 06/23/18 08:12 AM
What are friends for. Vic
by Vicarn. 06/23/18 05:49 AM
Race to the Bottom
by Vicarn. 06/23/18 05:43 AM
Father & Son (My Version) HAPPY FATHERS DAY
by Noel96. 06/22/18 11:38 PM
I'm Not Givin' Up On Love
by mikegouthro. 06/22/18 03:54 PM
Sometimes I Can't Breathe
by mikegouthro. 06/22/18 01:32 PM
Far From My One True Love
by mikegouthro. 06/22/18 12:52 PM
Going Home To Heaven (For Charles Krauthammer)
by mikegouthro. 06/22/18 12:43 PM
Cross Your Heart
by mikegouthro. 06/22/18 12:18 PM
How Many Tears In A Broken Heart
by Michael LeBlanc. 06/22/18 10:30 AM
Downloading Music for CD Question???
by John Lawrence Schick. 06/22/18 10:15 AM
SONG TONE
by Delmont. 06/21/18 10:58 PM
NEW MEMBERS CHECK HERE
by mikegouthro. 06/21/18 06:41 PM
New CD from Colin's band, Rosewood Creek
by Brian Austin Whitney. 06/21/18 06:26 PM
Playing To An Empty Room
by niteshift. 06/21/18 11:55 AM
New Album release.
by 9ne. 06/21/18 08:30 AM
Joe Watt
by Dave Rice. 06/21/18 08:24 AM
Another Gone Midnight Song
by Deej56. 06/20/18 10:25 PM
Sidewinder
by Deej56. 06/20/18 10:20 PM
A Love Like Bogey & Becall
by Deej56. 06/20/18 09:45 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,466
Travis david 10,896
Kevin Emmrich 10,539
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,830
glynda 8,574
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,880
Corey 7,357
couchgrouch 7,313
Dave Rice 6,706
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,432
Joe Wrabek 6,401
ben willis 6,092
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Vicarn 5,651
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,385
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,618
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,365
Bob Cushing 4,351
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,029
Roy Cooper 3,996
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,781
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
beechnut79 3,381
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
E Swartz 3,120
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,885
Harriet Ames 2,869
Nigel Quin 2,806
MidniteBob 2,706
Nelson 2,562
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,182
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,911
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
maccharles 1,855
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Noel Downs 1,620
Iggy 1,615
Rick Heenan 1,576
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,452
Ralph Blight 1,440
Chuck Crowe 1,435
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
Janice & Bud 1,413
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
GocartMoz 1,340
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,085
Gerry 1,084
joro 1,077
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
lane1777 1,013
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 929
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
tbryson 737
Andy K 734
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 722
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
9ne 694
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Deej56 633
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Irwin 589
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 565
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
Moosesong 528
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
R&M 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
Fdemetrio 444
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Alek 352
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1126591 - 04/13/17 11:12 PM Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)

I would appreciate feedback on this tune. Home recording, open room mic. Many thanks!

https://www.reverbnation.com/q/6wqa7q



Tell Me Everything
Emmanuel Lawrence
Copyright 2017

Verse 1
I'm in no mood for lies
Let the truth tumble from your lips
Help me understand what happened
And how we've come to this

Chorus
Tell me everything
Tell me how we went wrong
Go ahead, tell me about your fling
And how he came along
There's not a lot you could say
That might keep me from leaving
But won't you tell me, tell me, tell me?
Tell me everything (2x)

Verse 2
I need to know, was it his eyes?
Was it his touch?
Was it his voice, his laughter?
Why did you need him so much?

Repeat Chorus

Bridge
The truth matters
It's a matter of trust
But now our trust is broken
And there's no more need for us

Verse 3
Well, the damage is done
Now, heartbreak is my name
The rising suns of all my tomorrows
Will never be the same

Repeat Chorus

Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/14/17 02:41 AM.
#1126672 - 04/17/17 12:35 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
California
Hi EJ,

This is a really good song, bare bones demo and all.

The lyric is a nice balance of the singer feeling hurt but wanting some truth to work with, maybe to become a better person..but at least to know exactly where he stands and why.

"Tell me everything" as a thought (in the chorus) seems to come from a passionate place, and so I'm hearing that pitched higher; it would seem to organically follow for the chorus melody to be pitched maybe a fifth higher or thereabouts..

Lyrically I can't think of any improvements. I hope you keep working on it, it's a really nice ballad. smile

Mike




Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/17/17 01:07 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1126673 - 04/17/17 12:42 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,651
Vicarn Online content
Top 50 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,651
UK
It's looking good to me, EJ. Not sure about the vocal echoes but it may work when the music is all there.
Keep at it.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126730 - 04/19/17 11:06 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,647
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
Top 40 Poster
Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,647
Wisconsin
Sweet and sad, EJ. You really put a lot of emotion into it, but I was hoping the bridge would rip out my heart and I'm not really feeling it.

What is the "it" in the line "It's a matter of trust"? Love? If so, maybe say that. Then, if the trust is broken and the relationship is done, it doesn't matter anymore, but it matters to him.

Love is a matter of trust
For you trust means nothing
And truth no longer matters
But to me it's everything

Just an idea. Still, over all, well done. I found myself humming this to myself this morning so, there's that! smile

When you fill out the music, be sure to re-post so we can follow the development.

Ricki

#1126732 - 04/19/17 11:16 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Dave Rice Online content
Top 40 Poster
Dave Rice  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,706
Texas
Hi EJ:

For a "scratch track"... this has so much going for it. Sad for sure... but the melody and lyric are superb. Can't wait to hear a full-blown demo.
Best of luck with it. ----Dave

#1126859 - 04/22/17 12:41 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Mike Z, Vic, Ricki and Dave R-
Thanks for listening and all the feedback and suggestions. All much appreciated.
I'll post the finished track when done.

#1126902 - 04/22/17 08:42 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 987
Martin Lide Online content
Top 500 Poster
Martin Lide  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 987
Houston, Texas
Very nicely written. With a production team, I think this could be made into a contemporary pop song performed by a number of singers.
In country these days, you have to sing about being drunk and happy. Always a winner in some way.
In pop, you can still sing about the pain of real life stuff.

Good tune.

Martin

Last edited by Martin Lide; 04/22/17 08:42 PM.
#1126939 - 04/24/17 05:11 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,466
Calvin Online content
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,466
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello EJ,


Great stuff.........................................

The rising suns of all my tomorrows
Will never be the same

I'm looking forward to hearing the finished product.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1127009 - 04/26/17 01:35 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
EJ,

Yeah, there's a lot to really like on this. You've gotten a lot of good comments above that I agree with and won't echo hear, but I do look forward to hearing this when it's more developed. Lyrically, a suggestion for what it's worth, perhaps "flame" in lieu of "fling"--only because "fling" seems more momentary and to me the song suggests there's something more between her and the him--but I could be entirely misreading. So take it for what it's worth. Enjoyed the listen--keep it going!

Deej

#1127074 - 04/26/17 09:30 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Martin, DJ and Calvin-
Many thanks for listening and providing feedback. Means a lot to me. All comments much appreciated!

#1127084 - 04/26/17 11:16 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,029
TamsNumber4 Offline
Top 100 Poster
TamsNumber4  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,029
New Hampshire
Emmanuel!

What a beautifully sad lyric and melody! A very emotive performance, even if it is bare bones, there doesn't need to be a whole lot when the vocal is carrying us through this story. Great song!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1127160 - 04/28/17 09:13 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Tammy, thanks for listening and the feedback. I'll repost the tune when finished.

#1127162 - 04/29/17 12:30 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Ditto to Calvin comments EJ
Reallyou good work.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127191 - 04/29/17 03:02 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Travis, thanks for listening and the feedback!

#1127196 - 04/29/17 03:22 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,880
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 25 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,880
Saint Petersburg. FL
Wow that's a sad one. Nice vocals and piano. With a full piano track, you could probably make it a piano bar song without anything else. I am not a big fan of the echoes unless you go all out and get some other voices involved.

I think the bridge could use a bit of work on the lyrics. The singer cares so much about what went wrong, and then suddenly he writes it off and moves on. Bit sudden.

Good one. Polish it up and you'll have a winner!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1127254 - 05/01/17 12:52 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence Offline
Top 500 Poster
ejlawrence  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
Colin, thanks for listening and the feedback. Lots to consider. Very much appreciated!


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Frauwin, mikegouthro, Firebull777, KaseyNi, mehdiahmadvand
21047 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,075
Posts1,112,591
Members21,047
Average Posts Daily39
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"If you choose the right rut to get stuck in, you'll enjoy the journey the whole way, regardless of the final destination!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Andrew Aversa (31)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0