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#1126591 - 04/13/17 11:12 PM Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 235
ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Greater Los Angeles
Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)

I would appreciate feedback on this tune. Home recording, open room mic. Many thanks!

https://www.reverbnation.com/q/6wqa7q



Tell Me Everything
Emmanuel Lawrence
Copyright 2017

Verse 1
I'm in no mood for lies
Let the truth tumble from your lips
Help me understand what happened
And how we've come to this

Chorus
Tell me everything
Tell me how we went wrong
Go ahead, tell me about your fling
And how he came along
There's not a lot you could say
That might keep me from leaving
But won't you tell me, tell me, tell me?
Tell me everything (2x)

Verse 2
I need to know, was it his eyes?
Was it his touch?
Was it his voice, his laughter?
Why did you need him so much?

Repeat Chorus

Bridge
The truth matters
It's a matter of trust
But now our trust is broken
And there's no more need for us

Verse 3
Well, the damage is done
Now, heartbreak is my name
The rising suns of all my tomorrows
Will never be the same

Repeat Chorus

Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/14/17 02:41 AM.
#1126672 - 04/17/17 12:35 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi EJ,

This is a really good song, bare bones demo and all.

The lyric is a nice balance of the singer feeling hurt but wanting some truth to work with, maybe to become a better person..but at least to know exactly where he stands and why.

"Tell me everything" as a thought (in the chorus) seems to come from a passionate place, and so I'm hearing that pitched higher; it would seem to organically follow for the chorus melody to be pitched maybe a fifth higher or thereabouts..

Lyrically I can't think of any improvements. I hope you keep working on it, it's a really nice ballad. smile

Mike




Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/17/17 01:07 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1126673 - 04/17/17 12:42 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
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Vicarn Offline
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It's looking good to me, EJ. Not sure about the vocal echoes but it may work when the music is all there.
Keep at it.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
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#1126730 - 04/19/17 11:06 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
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Posts: 6,156
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
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Sweet and sad, EJ. You really put a lot of emotion into it, but I was hoping the bridge would rip out my heart and I'm not really feeling it.

What is the "it" in the line "It's a matter of trust"? Love? If so, maybe say that. Then, if the trust is broken and the relationship is done, it doesn't matter anymore, but it matters to him.

Love is a matter of trust
For you trust means nothing
And truth no longer matters
But to me it's everything

Just an idea. Still, over all, well done. I found myself humming this to myself this morning so, there's that! smile

When you fill out the music, be sure to re-post so we can follow the development.

Ricki

#1126732 - 04/19/17 11:16 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
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Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Texas
Hi EJ:

For a "scratch track"... this has so much going for it. Sad for sure... but the melody and lyric are superb. Can't wait to hear a full-blown demo.
Best of luck with it. ----Dave

#1126859 - 04/22/17 12:41 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Greater Los Angeles
Mike Z, Vic, Ricki and Dave R-
Thanks for listening and all the feedback and suggestions. All much appreciated.
I'll post the finished track when done.

#1126902 - 04/22/17 08:42 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 811
Martin Lide Online content
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Martin Lide  Online Content
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Houston, Texas
Very nicely written. With a production team, I think this could be made into a contemporary pop song performed by a number of singers.
In country these days, you have to sing about being drunk and happy. Always a winner in some way.
In pop, you can still sing about the pain of real life stuff.

Good tune.

Martin

Last edited by Martin Lide; 04/22/17 08:42 PM.
#1126939 - 04/24/17 05:11 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello EJ,


Great stuff.........................................

The rising suns of all my tomorrows
Will never be the same

I'm looking forward to hearing the finished product.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1127009 - 04/26/17 01:35 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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EJ,

Yeah, there's a lot to really like on this. You've gotten a lot of good comments above that I agree with and won't echo hear, but I do look forward to hearing this when it's more developed. Lyrically, a suggestion for what it's worth, perhaps "flame" in lieu of "fling"--only because "fling" seems more momentary and to me the song suggests there's something more between her and the him--but I could be entirely misreading. So take it for what it's worth. Enjoyed the listen--keep it going!

Deej

#1127074 - 04/26/17 09:30 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Martin, DJ and Calvin-
Many thanks for listening and providing feedback. Means a lot to me. All comments much appreciated!

#1127084 - 04/26/17 11:16 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Emmanuel!

What a beautifully sad lyric and melody! A very emotive performance, even if it is bare bones, there doesn't need to be a whole lot when the vocal is carrying us through this story. Great song!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1127160 - 04/28/17 09:13 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Greater Los Angeles
Tammy, thanks for listening and the feedback. I'll repost the tune when finished.

#1127162 - 04/29/17 12:30 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Ditto to Calvin comments EJ
Reallyou good work.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127191 - 04/29/17 03:02 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 235
ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Greater Los Angeles
Travis, thanks for listening and the feedback!

#1127196 - 04/29/17 03:22 PM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,779
Colin Ward Offline
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Saint Petersburg. FL
Wow that's a sad one. Nice vocals and piano. With a full piano track, you could probably make it a piano bar song without anything else. I am not a big fan of the echoes unless you go all out and get some other voices involved.

I think the bridge could use a bit of work on the lyrics. The singer cares so much about what went wrong, and then suddenly he writes it off and moves on. Bit sudden.

Good one. Polish it up and you'll have a winner!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1127254 - 05/01/17 12:52 AM Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 235
ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Posts: 235
Greater Los Angeles
Colin, thanks for listening and the feedback. Lots to consider. Very much appreciated!


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