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Mistakes
by floyd jane. 04/25/18 11:50 PM
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RED ROSE
by Travis david. 04/25/18 06:20 PM
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Emily
by Nelson. 04/24/18 10:28 PM
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#1126591 - 04/13/17 11:12 PM
Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
ejlawrence
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Greater Los Angeles
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Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track) I would appreciate feedback on this tune. Home recording, open room mic. Many thanks! https://www.reverbnation.com/q/6wqa7qTell Me Everything Emmanuel Lawrence Copyright 2017 Verse 1 I'm in no mood for lies Let the truth tumble from your lips Help me understand what happened And how we've come to this Chorus Tell me everything Tell me how we went wrong Go ahead, tell me about your fling And how he came along There's not a lot you could say That might keep me from leaving But won't you tell me, tell me, tell me? Tell me everything (2x) Verse 2 I need to know, was it his eyes? Was it his touch? Was it his voice, his laughter? Why did you need him so much? Repeat Chorus Bridge The truth matters It's a matter of trust But now our trust is broken And there's no more need for us Verse 3 Well, the damage is done Now, heartbreak is my name The rising suns of all my tomorrows Will never be the same Repeat Chorus
Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/14/17 02:41 AM.
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#1126672 - 04/17/17 12:35 PM
Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)
[Re: ejlawrence]
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
Michael Zaneski
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Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,694
California
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Hi EJ, This is a really good song, bare bones demo and all. The lyric is a nice balance of the singer feeling hurt but wanting some truth to work with, maybe to become a better person..but at least to know exactly where he stands and why. "Tell me everything" as a thought (in the chorus) seems to come from a passionate place, and so I'm hearing that pitched higher; it would seem to organically follow for the chorus melody to be pitched maybe a fifth higher or thereabouts.. Lyrically I can't think of any improvements. I hope you keep working on it, it's a really nice ballad.  Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/17/17 01:07 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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#1126730 - 04/19/17 11:06 AM
Re: Tell Me Everything (Scratch Track)
[Re: ejlawrence]
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,547
Ricki E. Bellos
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Top 40 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,547
Wisconsin
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Sweet and sad, EJ. You really put a lot of emotion into it, but I was hoping the bridge would rip out my heart and I'm not really feeling it. What is the "it" in the line "It's a matter of trust"? Love? If so, maybe say that. Then, if the trust is broken and the relationship is done, it doesn't matter anymore, but it matters to him. Love is a matter of trust For you trust means nothing And truth no longer matters But to me it's everything Just an idea. Still, over all, well done. I found myself humming this to myself this morning so, there's that!  When you fill out the music, be sure to re-post so we can follow the development. Ricki
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"Parents are notorious for telling you not to do something, but not telling you WHAT to do instead. So here are my thoughts. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, give it a manicure. Don't burn your bridges, go out and build more! And of course, Don't run with Scissors, use them to cut out your press clippings!" -Brian Austin Whitney
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