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#1125869 03/27/17 10:50 PM
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http://www.soundclick.com/html5/v3/player.cfm?type=single&songid=13549895&q=hi&newref=1

Mrs. Brunner

[V]
Mrs. Brunner six feet under
never woke up from that slumber.
Not until that magic Christmas night.
Children laughing, carolers singing
heard Christmas bells ringing
floated up stairs, checked out the sights

[C]
There were wreaths upon the stones,
she had one there on her own
The grave yard decorated near and far.
Trees twinkling with lights, sparkling clear and bright.
Mrs. B. could feel the warmth 'neath light and stars

[V]
Mrs. Brunner drifted 'round
enjoying sights and sounds
As the spirits joined the living 'round a tree.
She sang like ne'er before feeling her spirit soar.
Enveloped in the love that set her free

[C]
She believed she'd been forgotten
'til her childhood stocking
Magically appeared. Oh! What a lift!
Then a whiff of apple cider
Made her ghostly eyes grow wider
Mrs. B. felt at peace. The perfect gift.

Instrumental:

[C]
She believed that she had faded,
been forgotten, been down graded
To a memory that someone might have had
But the wreaths, the cider, stockings
succeeded in unblocking
any reason Mrs. B had for ever feeling sad

[V]
The celebration near its end
Mrs. B. looked 'round again
Then felt a little hand take her own.
Was a spirited baby child.
Who looked up and smiled
Mrs. Brunner knew then she'd never be alone.

Copyright © 2017 by Lisa Gundling & Douglas Murphy


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

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Mrs Brunner...who is she...other than a rhyme for under and slumber
I was expecting some revelation. Maybe just me.
Mrs. Brunner my old neighbour
Was held in graveyard slumber
Until....etc.

I would check for unnecessary words

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Good observation Neil. Thanks for stopping by.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

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Hi Douglas -- This turned out to be really fun! Thank you for a delightful song that makes me smile! -- Lisa

Hi Neil -- Thanks for your visit and observations! Douglas and I are talking now about making it less wordy. Also, I'm on the fence about having to know who Mrs. Brunner is, in relation to the singer. We'll discuss that! It's funny, when I wrote the first draft, before Douglas came along, you're right .. her name was a cheap shot at a rhyme! But, Douglas took that cheap shot away by pronouncing it as Mrs. BrOONer when he sang it! -- Lisa

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Douglas,

You've captured a great Christmas sound to this. Having read the lyrics on the forum some weeks ago, I admire how the music you put it so expresses a holiday spirit. OK, all that said, I'm going to revert back to the comment I made on the lyrics--and I think it's what Neil is getting to in his comments above--there's nothing that connects Mrs. Brunner either to the speaker or the other persons referenced in the lyrics. As a result, to me, it's missing an emotional connection that ultimately resonates.. Hope you don't mind what I hope is a constructive comment--just think you are both really close to having something really special here.

Regards,

Deej

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Hi guys,

A good joint effort.
To me, it doesn't matter WHO Mrs. Brunner was.
As for being less wordy, I think that's a good idea & will make the strong even stronger.

like so......

[C]
She believed that she had faded,
been forgotten, been down graded
To a memory that someone might have had
But the wreaths, the cider AND THE stockings
succeeded in unblocking
any reason Mrs. B had for ever HER feeling sad


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Deej56 #1125972 03/29/17 09:17 AM
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Hello DJ. Thank you for the listen and look over. We do have food for thought now. smile

Dougtlas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

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Calvin #1125974 03/29/17 09:19 AM
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Hello Calvin. Good to hear from ya. smile I haven't got around to editing the wordiness but can see right away how strong the lyric will be with your suggestion and further editing. As for who she is my mind is working on that angle. Thanks again. smile

Douglas


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What a great concept....very original Christmas song!!
I really like this! Fun, Fun, Fun!!
-Tom

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Thank you Tom it is still in progression. smile


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

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I like the lyric apart from "Oh, what a lift" which isn't, to me up to the standard of the rest. Also my thoughts are that it may benefit by changing the time signature to 4/4. I don't think the problem is so much of it being wordy as phrasing.
Changing the time signature may help that. Worth a try.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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Sounds like a cool christmas tune.

I picture Ms bruner as a lonely old lady watching christmas.

Vicarn #1126027 03/30/17 04:20 PM
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Thank you Vic going to try that now. [And re-look that line / word choice].


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

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Thanks for the drop by BA always appreciated.


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

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Hi Doug and Lisa:

I enjoyed this "story in song" and decided to classify it as "Christmas Folk!" LOL! No nits from me but I would love to hear a full-blown demo (with choir in all the right places) but pipe dreams are usually too expensive in this day and age.

Thanks for sharing... and... if you "pitch it" don't wait until the Christmas Holidays... do it before July.

Best wishes and best of luck to both of you... ----Dave

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I'll have to check this out later. Soundclick is not cooperating.

Ricki

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Hi Deej,

Thanks so much for your nice comments!
We're discussing the possibility of a change that would reveal more about Mrs. Brunner's life, before her death! smile

Lisa

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Hi Calvin,

Thanks very much!
Your edits are right on target, and we've done more editing, and Douglas has recorded a new version with the editing, but hasn't posted it, because we're still looking at more changes!

Regarding who Mrs. Brunner was ... I can see the merits of knowing and not knowing who Mrs. Brunner was, though, like you, I didn't think it mattered! But, now that people have brought it up, Douglas and I are seriously contemplating the issue, and I think we'll be including a reveal about who she was! No relation of mine, I must say! lol! Stay tuned!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Hi Tom,

Thank you for your fun thoughts! I think that Douglas did a really nice job with the Celtic-like Christmas music!! As I've noted above, we'll be posting another version at some point soon!!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Hi Vic,

Thanks so much for your thoughts on the timing! Douglas has been playing around with this, and is trying out your idea! I know he also tried slowing down the tempo. Anyway, we'll be posting a new version at some point here!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Hi Blake,

Thank you for your cool thoughts on this!
Also, I, too, think of Mrs. Brunner as being an old lady. As I've noted in some responses above, we're probably going to be including more information about her in a new version!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Hi Dave,

That's a great classification -- Christmas Folk! Thank you for our very kind thoughts on this, and for a reminder about that July deadline!!!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Hi Ricki,

I'm sorry that SoundCloud wasn't cooperating! At this point, you may want to wait for our newest version before listening!!

Thanks!
Lisa

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Lisa:

This is a note for Ricki. Doug placed the "link to the song" at the bottom of the page... and I had to search for it, too. I should have mentioned it earlier but please consider this as just another "senior moment!"

Regards to all,

----Dave

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Well, Dave, now you've come up with the answer as to why Mrs. Brunner felt forgotten and downgraded!!! smile
Lisa


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Finally got to listen! As others have said, a bit wordy but an easy fix. The music is light and moves at a good pace and is well suited to the lyrics and story.

I go back and forth as to whether or not I need to know who the character is, or rather, was, in life. One thought I had though, if you're going to say things like...

enveloped in the love that set her free

her childhood stocking magically appeared

a spirited baby child

...then there should be something to connect her to that love, who has been keeping her stocking up until now or who is that child to her? If it's important enough to include, shouldn't we know why? Just a thought.

Nice start to a fresh idea in the "Christmas Folk" genre. smile

Ricki


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