7 members (bennash, rpirone, Gary E. Andrews, JAPOV, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, 1 invisible),
917
guests, and
254
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
1 Porcelain Princess alone in her fine gown Only heard what it's like my side of town Mommy told her someday soon you will find A husband like daddy rich as a gold mine.
2 Mom Didn't marry for love only wealth. Sadly mom always thought of herself But she was different yearned to break away Believing kismet would play its part one day
3
Everyday by her window waiting and waiting prince never came she feared she was fated Trapped forever in this ivory tower So an imaginary lover passed the hours B
But temptation stepped in made her curious Porcelain Princess yearned to be like the rest She stopped off at cafe i frequented Where fate paired us and the air was scented . She wore what she thought would fit in Porcelain princess no need to pretend again.
MUSIC
B
That future laid before her with the candleabra set Changed to kaftans and petunia on the life she'd rather forget 4
She made jewellery I made nettle wine We'd sit by a log fire, talking till bedtime She wore red sandals hated sensible shoes Her hair was long and golden eyes the deepest of blue
b No high garden walls to feel trapped within No imposing iron gates that shudder in the wind Now the meadow was our garden with scented flowers for gathering Porcelain Princess floats free as the wind
Last edited by Travis david; 03/22/17 02:41 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 91
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 91 |
I think this is really cool. Love the sensible shoe line. Can we hear the music or what?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks for the read! No music I'm a Lyric guy unfortunately. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Travis,
This is a really cool concept, a great story with some resonating lines. As Blake notes, "hated sensible shoes" in the context of that verse, is killer. And the final stanza is well done. Sweet. To a certain extent this reads to me more poetry than song lyric--and a someone who's written at least some poetry, I mean that in the most positive way. I mean, regardless, just because something is a poem doesn't mean it shouldn't sing, right? So I'd suggest really focusing on flow in the next re-write. I hesitate offering suggestions, just because as a newbie on this site, I'm not sure how well received that may be, but happy to, if you think it may be helpful. The thing is, this has amazing potential, and I'm excited to see what more you make of it.
Thanks so much for sharing!
All the best,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Deej. Don't ever think you can't make suggestions it's your forum as well and that's what it's all about. Advice comments and simply stopping by to say hi is always welcomed. The last verse and bridge or outro were part of another Lyric I wrote a couple of years ago but seemed to fit in. I admit it is poetic in parts rather than lyrical. It does also need knocking into shape! Thanks for your comments Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Nice one Travis, but I must confess the words porcelain princess had me thinking of the throne in the bathroom.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks Colin.I call ours the Thunder Box .
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,690
Posts1,160,843
Members21,469
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"I left my home, only to find a new home, full of heart, soul and dreams. Then, I left that new home, heart intact, but much stronger and energized from the experience" -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|