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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 6
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 6 |
Hi everyone. I've just joined Just Plain Folks. My band has started out on the internet radio rounds. We've posted our lyrics with the upload of the song. I'd welcome your opinion on whether these words are any good or not!
Eve Got Adam
I went mining for joy And I struck a rich seam I like the habits I’ve picked up From your company You never moan ‘bout how hard you’ve been working You’re as cool as a swan Resist the urge to just change things round When nothing is wrong
Chorus
Eve got Adam Back in the garden In the same way you got me Eve got Adam
Don’t wanna be taken into custody By your man You tell me it’s a feminine thing I wouldn’t understand You show your skill at breaking and entering And yet you do not take Some pass the buck but they keep the dollar You are no fake
You’ve found a way to invent the future Don’t need no apples, no snakes Use the word ‘love’ as if you define it For a new audience
Back in the garden of love Where it all began Eve got Adam
Those are the lyrics. All feedback gratefully received. If you want to hear them with the music please reply and I'll let you know how to hear the complete song. Thanks
------------------ Nigel
Nigel
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806 |
Howdy and welcome, Sharp.
I am sure, having music for these lyrics, they must meter right somehow, but I tried several takes on it and simply cannot pick up a consistent meter from them. V1 & 2 seem very different in meter IMO. Even your chorus changes dramatically enough that it seems like it would be hard to have music that would work for both. This appears to be a case where the lyric was constructed around existing music, perhaps, as some of the lines seem to come out of nowhere just to provide a rhyme...ie. "Some pass the buck but they keep the dollar You are no fake"
It would be helpful in the future if you could label the parts of your song structure so we could get a glimpse of what you are aiming for. There is a section that starts "You've found a way..." that appears to be a bridge. It seems lacking in any rhyme, but that may be what you intended there.
Not sure of these ideas are of any assistance, but hey, you asked for opinions...and they are a dime a dozen! <G> Good luck to you and your band.
Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
I'm not sure what it all means.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
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Top 500 Poster
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 123
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 123 |
Wow - I had to triple-check the date on this opening post! I think the response from Bobbie sums up the way I interpreted it as well.
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