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#1122679 - 01/18/17 01:18 AM A Better Place  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
RossM Offline
Serious Contributor
RossM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Please click on the link below.

http://www.broadjam.com/artists/songs.php?artistID=45037&mediaID=356700

Song - A Better Place.

V1
In a world laced with beauty and with grace,
I've had my share of heartache through the years.
It took time for understanding to take shape,
Lessons learned helped to justify the tears.

(chorus)
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,
I want everyone, to realize and know.
My fellow man I strived so to embrace,
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.

V2
I've walked the weaving paths of wasted time,
Blind with pride life became an endless maze.
The scales of indifference then from my eyes,
My new vision led me on to righteous ways.

(chorus)
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,
I want everyone, to realize and know.
My fellow man I strived so to embrace,
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.

(bridge)
The well of life is deep,
And will always try to keep.
Its mysteries hidden from,
Those whom with selfish motives seek.


(instrumental)


(chorus)
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,
I want everyone, to realize and know.
My fellow man I strived so to embrace,
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.
Just hopiní to leave behind a better place.


Copyright © 2017 Ross Mabey / Jeffrey Ullsperger



Last edited by RossM; 01/21/17 09:53 PM.
#1123034 - 01/22/17 06:55 PM Re: A Better Place [Re: RossM]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,852
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,852
Wisconsin
You haven't said what you're looking for in a critique? This is very well played and sung. Is this you, Ross? Regardless, it's a sweet guitar/vocal, good message, reminds me of Jackson Browne.

Welcome to JPF.

Ricki

#1123049 - 01/22/17 09:34 PM Re: A Better Place [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
RossM Offline
Serious Contributor
RossM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Hi Ricki,

Thank you again for the positive feedback.Unfortunately that is not me singing. I thought that Steven Howell (Demo Artist) did a great job with this lyric.

In the way of a critique we are looking for ways to improve the lyrical content and any other comments you would like to add.

Regards.

Ross.


#1123087 - 01/23/17 03:53 PM Re: A Better Place [Re: RossM]  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,575
Little_stevie_b Offline
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Little_stevie_b  Offline
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,575
Hickory, North Carolina USA
I really like this. James Taylor-esque chordally and your vocal phrasing. Love it.

Stevie

#1123111 - 01/23/17 07:54 PM Re: A Better Place [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
RossM Offline
Serious Contributor
RossM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Hi Stevie,

Thank you for your positive feedback. Its one of my favourites. James Taylor may well live on in these lyrics. Thanks for the thought.

Ross.

#1147094 - 12/15/18 12:59 AM Re: A Better Place [Re: RossM]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
RossM Offline
Serious Contributor
RossM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 143
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
I entered this lyric in the UK Song Writing Contest 2018 lyrics only section and received a "Highly Commended" certificate. It was greatly appreciated. Like most other people I wonder how I can get an Artist to record it? Steven Howell Demo Artist did a magnificent job of recording it.


"A Better PlaceĒ
​
In a world laced with beauty and with grace,​​
I've had my share of heartache through the years.​​
It took time for understanding to take shape,​​
Lessons learned helped to justify the tears.​
​
(chorus)​​
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,​​
I want everyone, to realize and know.​​
My fellow man I strived so to embrace,​
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.​
​
​
I've walked the weaving paths of wasted time,​
Blind with pride life became an endless maze.​​
The scales of indifference then from my eyes,​​
My new vision led me on to righteous ways.​
​
(chorus)​​
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,​​
I want everyone, to realize and know.​​
My fellow man I strived so to embrace,​​
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.​
​
(bridge)​​
The well of life is deep,​​
And will always try to keep.​​
Its mysteries hidden from,​​
Those whom with selfish motives seek.​​
​
(Instrumental)​​
​
(chorus)​​
When my time comes and itís my turn to go,​​
I want everyone, to realize and know.​​
My fellow man I strived so to embrac0e,​​
Hopiní to leave behind, a better place.​​
Just hopiní to leave behind a better place.​
​
​
© 2007 Ross Mabey / Jeffrey Ullsperger​
​
​
Written 18th August 2007​
​
Tuesday, August 28, 2007

#1147101 - 12/15/18 12:07 PM Re: A Better Place [Re: RossM]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,240
Dave Rice Online content
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,240
Texas
Hello Ross... and Jeffrey, by default:

Welcome to JPF. I read the lyric first, then listened. Thoughtful, reflective and inspiring work. Your demo artist certainly added a young James Taylor vibe to the work... and it is unclear to me if you or Jeffrey wrote the melody. No big deal... but I like to give credit where credit is due. Also, looking over your Broadjam list of songs... do you have different co-writers on the songs listed or do you also write alone?

We have a few folks from Down Unda... here at Brian's Place (JPF) and all have been impressive in their work... and participation. I hope you've found a home and will eventually feel comfortable enough here to share a bit more about your songwriting journey, life, hobbies and interesting things to keep us in the loop. As always, best wishes for success with your music... and in everything you do.

I'll do my best to return to your Broadjam page and listen to some of your other songs. Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year... and I'm hoping you've found a place to "hang your hat" and share "War Stories" with us.

Regards, ----Dave

#1147109 - 12/16/18 12:36 AM Re: A Better Place [Re: RossM]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,512
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,512
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Very late 60s/ 70s singer songwriter style James Taylor etc.
A really good song with the right approach vocally.
Good lyric and production as well.
Look forward to seeing more of your work Ross.
Best of luck with it
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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