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#268150 - 04/24/02 06:01 PM The House We Lived In/REWRITE  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,851
Clairejeanne Offline
Top 100 Poster
Clairejeanne  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,851
USA
The House We Lived In 2002
ClaireJeanne EDITED

Ch
The house we lived in
Strange as it may be
Still means so much to me
The memories of fun times
When we were there
and you still cared
Is sometimes so hard to bear

V1
I passed by the house today
It seems like only yesterday
Since we planted a small tree
To grow like the love between you and me

Ch
The house we lived in
Strange as it may be
Still means so much to me
The memories of fun times
When we were there
and you still cared
Is sometimes so hard to bear

V2
Things at the house aren't the same
The mailbox no longer holds our name
The house has been painted blue
Which re minds me how I felt loosing you

Ch
The house we lived in
Strange as it may be
Still means so much to me
The memories of fun times
When we were there
And you still cared
Is sometimes so hard to bear

Br.
You now have a new life
you also have a new wife
The woman you left me for
When you walked out our front door

Tag
I must also start life anew
That's the right thing for me to do
I will now stand up tall
I know I can be strong after all

[This message has been edited by clairejeanne (edited 04-25-2002

[This message has been edited by clairejeanne (edited 04-25-2002).]

#268151 - 04/25/02 11:50 AM Re: The House We Lived In/REWRITE  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675
Ronald Boyt Offline
Top 100 Poster
Ronald Boyt  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,675
Hi CJ!
It seems we all have a "house" lyric within us! Lol!

This lyric is simple enough. And does tell a story. Though imo it could be better. You really never told us much about what caused the marriage to fall apart.

Also, you rhyme scheme in the verses does seem to vary. Plus v1 seems to have a line or two more than v2?

One other thing; do you type your lyrics all within this posting block? I say that because of the mispelling and other errors. It would be a lot easier to copy and paste from your works program. That way you can use your spell checker to help with some of the errors.

Anyway, hope it helps!
Ron

#268152 - 04/26/02 12:26 AM Re: The House We Lived In/REWRITE  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,851
Clairejeanne Offline
Top 100 Poster
Clairejeanne  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,851
USA
Hi Ronald,
Thanks for the advice.I edited and tried
a better structure.Also corrected,the typo.
God bless
ClaireJeanne.

#1121809 - 01/02/17 03:46 PM Re: The House We Lived In/REWRITE [Re: Clairejeanne]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
It's not easy letting go of the past.

#1122098 - 01/07/17 05:10 PM Re: The House We Lived In/REWRITE [Re: Clairejeanne]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 155
Donna Dutchess Offline
Serious Contributor
Donna Dutchess  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 155
WNY, USA
I like your story line and the structure is good. You seem to be guilty though of exactly what I have been told in the past: You a very literal writer. My advice to you is to learn to use metaphors more in your lyrics. They paint a better picture and tells your listens more.


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